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A review by calebmatthews
Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections by Emily Nagoski
3.0
I liked this book, but it’s only getting three stars because it was somewhat repetitive with some of her other books. She also brings up some ideas around consent that make this a hard referral. Furthermore, she doesn’t focus on research in this one. She explains why and focuses more on case studies, but I feel like since she is a researcher she should’ve gone and done the research and then written the book. She writes wonderfully and I’ll for sure keep reading her stuff.
Come together
Pleasure over desire - it’s not how much you want sex, it’s how much you like the sex you’re having
Gas and brakes
-Bed built into the wall
Example: talking to boyfriend about hurting each other and saying no to sex then feeling neutral then going forward and feeling pleasure - how does this go with enthusiastic yes?
Yak panskepp and the emotional floor plan
Parents: Your care system is cock blocking your lust system
Emotions are not dangerous, they are alerting you to the danger. A metaphor, for this would be a person being afraid of a lifeguards whistle. The danger is the shark or the rip current not the whistle.
Four kinds of social support
Instrumental - give fruit roll up
Informational - teach how to make fruit roll up
Emotional - be there for someone with empathy and compassion
Appraisal - offer feedback to help change situation
Sam - carrying Frodo
Disney references (Moana)
Stages of change
AGREE? - Forgiveness and whether or not a relationship is still in tact are two different things
Pixar movies giving people what they need rather than what they want
Gender mirage -
Stretching your body in the direction of the practice is the yoga
Come together
Pleasure over desire - it’s not how much you want sex, it’s how much you like the sex you’re having
Gas and brakes
-Bed built into the wall
Example: talking to boyfriend about hurting each other and saying no to sex then feeling neutral then going forward and feeling pleasure - how does this go with enthusiastic yes?
Yak panskepp and the emotional floor plan
Parents: Your care system is cock blocking your lust system
Emotions are not dangerous, they are alerting you to the danger. A metaphor, for this would be a person being afraid of a lifeguards whistle. The danger is the shark or the rip current not the whistle.
Four kinds of social support
Instrumental - give fruit roll up
Informational - teach how to make fruit roll up
Emotional - be there for someone with empathy and compassion
Appraisal - offer feedback to help change situation
Sam - carrying Frodo
Disney references (Moana)
Stages of change
AGREE? - Forgiveness and whether or not a relationship is still in tact are two different things
Pixar movies giving people what they need rather than what they want
Gender mirage -
Stretching your body in the direction of the practice is the yoga