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sarah_tellesbo 's review for:
The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity
by Esther Perel
Esther Perel is one of my favorite theorists when it comes to sexuality, particularly as it relates to monogamy and infidelity. Esther is bold and brave enough to open discussions that have long been taboo, and to challenge traditional ways of thinking about relationship and transgression. She recognizes that, despite our desperate attempts as a society to cling to tradition, monogamy (as it is currently defined) is not always the most successful relationship model. In fact, its success rate is relatively abysmal in its strictest form, and she suggests that perhaps we’re in need of a new cultural perspective. At the very least, we need a lot more open dialogue in relation to sexuality, relationship structure, possibility, and evolution of cultural norms.
There are many components to said dialogue, and Perel reviews them in this book. One fundamental precursor to engaging in this discussion, however, is evaluating infidelity from a nuanced, contextual standpoint rather than from a place of black/white, good/bad, victim/perpetrator rigidity. Stepping into the gray, we can more fully understand the benefits and pitfalls of monogamy; the individuality and uniqueness of every person and every relationship; the needs and nature of humans in general; the allure of the forbidden; and the potential for reconstruction, reorganization, and renegotiation of relationships following major crises.
What can we learn from infidelity? A lot, according to Perel. And having spent her professional life working with struggling couples around the world, there’s hardly anyone more qualified to start the conversation.
There are many components to said dialogue, and Perel reviews them in this book. One fundamental precursor to engaging in this discussion, however, is evaluating infidelity from a nuanced, contextual standpoint rather than from a place of black/white, good/bad, victim/perpetrator rigidity. Stepping into the gray, we can more fully understand the benefits and pitfalls of monogamy; the individuality and uniqueness of every person and every relationship; the needs and nature of humans in general; the allure of the forbidden; and the potential for reconstruction, reorganization, and renegotiation of relationships following major crises.
What can we learn from infidelity? A lot, according to Perel. And having spent her professional life working with struggling couples around the world, there’s hardly anyone more qualified to start the conversation.