literallytouko 's review for:

Out by Natsuo Kirino

5.0

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To preface this, this is not my first read of this book; I believe I read this for the first time in high school, in my late teens.I think this book was the first I had ever read that explored the honest, complicated, and sometimes cynical and dark interior thoughts and motives of women, in a frank and nonjudgmental way. They narrator doesn't judge them or imply they are good or bad for feeling how they do, it's just presented as is. None of these women are particularly good people nor are they villainous or evil. For better or worse their motives are their own, and I found myself often empathizing with them. It was refreshing for me to see women portrayed as mothers, wives, and caregivers that expressed anger, regret, fatigue, selfishness, resentment, and despair in such a brutal way, instead of being household pillars, constant beacons of positivity always holding it together for the sake of their family, always happily putting their own needs aside for those around them. It's validating to imagine a character feeling the anger or frustration I might feel, but never feel comfortable expressing due to ingrained feelings of guilt or shame for feeling anything other than relentless optimism or cherrfulness. Reading this book empowered me in a way that I had not expected, and I enjoy rereading this book every few years.