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chifrui 's review for:

Heartstopper Graphic Novel Volumes 1 – 5 Set by Alice Oseman, Alice Oseman

i read these in like 9th or 8th grade and they made me really depressed because i wanted a relationship like theirs so bad, and i wanted a guy like nick and i was so jealous because it felt like this didn’t exist in real life. i wrote in my notes app in 2022 about how this book made me felt, 

“no boy will ever love me or care about me how nick loves charlie. being queer in high school is so lonely

seeing nick and charlie in heartstopper is so angering. no one is like that in real life, everyone is so not genuine. i just want a nick, but the boys at my school are evil. no queer boys exist at school.”

pretty dramatic but i wasn’t wrong. i read it again in my later years in high school and i didn’t feel like this so much anymore, maybe a little. i still envied this book and its characters but not like i used to. 

as a queer boy, or so i thought, my dream even before i read this book since like 7th grade was to hang out with a masculine guy who i’d make realize he was bisexual or something, and for so many years i hoped this would happen. as i realized i wasn’t a boy, my dreams in romance changed, and so my envy towards charlie and nick lessened.

my feelings on how i feel about all this are so confusing and it barely even has anything to do with the book anymore 

sometimes i read this book and kind of think about how easy being a gay boy is/was.

by the time i was rereading the first 4 volumes in late high school, the 5th was out so i read that after. i remember liking it, and my favorite scene was charlie at the concert