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knightjpg 's review for:
The Viridian Priestess
by Katrina Calandra
I don’t know what compelled me to finish this.
I’m not sure I can even remember the last time I read something that was this bad; this riddled with typos, clunky run-on sentences, and absolutely buckwild characters.
Can I even call them characters? They’re more like caricatures whose behaviour is as inconsistent as the world they inhabit.
I don’t think the concept of this book is bad. Magic stones, old and new gods, priestesses with powers, and breaking free from those that hurt you? Awesome! But none of this was developed in the slightest. We get a bare-bones construction of some planet with some people with some beliefs. There’s zero stakes with the kind of dramatic theatrics you find on wattpad.
Like—what’s going on with the powers? What do the stones even do and what makes them special? Why is there zero consistency in how anyone talks and acts?
Ferren, for example, is a priestess who doesn’t act like a priestess in the slightest. She gets offended when touched on her arm (“men have hanged for less”), then makes a raunchy joke she’s not a virgin. She’s so smart, read so many books, and was chosen as Mary’s assistant, but with the Albright she literally. She has a “sharp tongue” but is really just rude and combative, often for no reason.
While there’s no insta-love there is insta-friendship, which is a first for me. Ferren thinks August is a sweet gentle guy who she has a special bond with within five minutes of meeting him; Calliape is the most beautiful sweet girl and her first best friend (rip Thea…?! like hello??? did she just not exist??) right after meeting her, too.
With 99 there’s no insta-love—at least from Ferren’s part? I genuinely cannot see why 99 is interested in her beyond her being pretty. Ferren’s feelings about him are all over the place; one moment she knows what his expression must be behind his helmet, then one paragraph later she’s like oh… I think I finally… maybe am starting to understand him… etc.
In general this book gives you emotional whiplash fatigue. The adjectives here are both superfluous and taken to the extreme in every case. Everything is pushed To The Max. Ferren’s not scared, she’s terrified. They don’t kiss, they crash into each other. You don’t sigh, you exhale dramatically. Someone isn’t worried, but frantic. All the time. With everything. These extremes are exhausting and confusing, and I often felt like I was pulled from one emotional outburst to another.
On top of this we’re constantly being told what’s happening. He sighs, which means he’s tired. His shoulders relax, which means he’s relieved. There’s no room for your imagination or the reader’s understanding of what characters’ actions and words mean. Every little thing is explained to us, and poorly at that. I can read; you don’t have to spell everything out for me.
“I can almost see his shoulders relax, as if he was worried” is an actual sentence. You can almost see it? What does that even mean??? “As if” he was worried…? I honestly don’t think this author knows what actual, real conversations sound like.
“August, open the door,” I say flatly.
“You’re joking. We’re going to take off again any minute!”
“August, please! Calliape gets to say goodbye,” I demand.”
This was so painful to read. The flatly is so inappropriate here, the “demand” so strange. I don’t even know how to describe it.
Another one: “I reach out to touch his helmet, wanting to peek inside his thoughts. Maybe he just can’t say them aloud. He always offers, so I assume it's fine. But then he snatches my wrist to stop me. I glare at him as he holds it away from his head. Now I really want to find out what he is thinking. I wish I could see through his visor at his expression. I have a feeling I would know exactly what it is.”
Girl?? What…? The mind connection has never needed physical touch/could be stopped by physical touch, one of the many inconsistencies with the magic. You then glare at him, and you wish you could see through his visor to see his expression and also you know exactly what that expression is??? What is going on here?? Am I the crazy one?????
This isn’t limited to the smut btw, which was, just like everything else in the book, awkward, clumsy, and off-putting.
“My name comes out in a deep whimper of surprise as I bounce downward on him again, like the pleasure is almost too much.
[…]
“I am yours too, Ferren,” he whispers, holding my hips. “No matter what, I am yours and you are mine,” he huffs out in sexy breaths.”
I was in hysterics. A deep whimper and sexy breaths, this man can truly do it all.
Overall though this was a bad time, and I do not recommend. There’s stuff I don’t even want to go into, like the whole Crixa thing, or Selene and the Frithians. I’d like to forget this book as quickly as possible.
I’m not sure I can even remember the last time I read something that was this bad; this riddled with typos, clunky run-on sentences, and absolutely buckwild characters.
Can I even call them characters? They’re more like caricatures whose behaviour is as inconsistent as the world they inhabit.
I don’t think the concept of this book is bad. Magic stones, old and new gods, priestesses with powers, and breaking free from those that hurt you? Awesome! But none of this was developed in the slightest. We get a bare-bones construction of some planet with some people with some beliefs. There’s zero stakes with the kind of dramatic theatrics you find on wattpad.
Like—what’s going on with the powers? What do the stones even do and what makes them special? Why is there zero consistency in how anyone talks and acts?
Ferren, for example, is a priestess who doesn’t act like a priestess in the slightest. She gets offended when touched on her arm (“men have hanged for less”), then makes a raunchy joke she’s not a virgin. She’s so smart, read so many books, and was chosen as Mary’s assistant, but with the Albright she literally
Spoiler
makes the same mistake twiceWhile there’s no insta-love there is insta-friendship, which is a first for me. Ferren thinks August is a sweet gentle guy who she has a special bond with within five minutes of meeting him; Calliape is the most beautiful sweet girl and her first best friend (rip Thea…?! like hello??? did she just not exist??) right after meeting her, too.
With 99 there’s no insta-love—at least from Ferren’s part? I genuinely cannot see why 99 is interested in her beyond her being pretty. Ferren’s feelings about him are all over the place; one moment she knows what his expression must be behind his helmet, then one paragraph later she’s like oh… I think I finally… maybe am starting to understand him… etc.
In general this book gives you emotional whiplash fatigue. The adjectives here are both superfluous and taken to the extreme in every case. Everything is pushed To The Max. Ferren’s not scared, she’s terrified. They don’t kiss, they crash into each other. You don’t sigh, you exhale dramatically. Someone isn’t worried, but frantic. All the time. With everything. These extremes are exhausting and confusing, and I often felt like I was pulled from one emotional outburst to another.
On top of this we’re constantly being told what’s happening. He sighs, which means he’s tired. His shoulders relax, which means he’s relieved. There’s no room for your imagination or the reader’s understanding of what characters’ actions and words mean. Every little thing is explained to us, and poorly at that. I can read; you don’t have to spell everything out for me.
“I can almost see his shoulders relax, as if he was worried” is an actual sentence. You can almost see it? What does that even mean??? “As if” he was worried…? I honestly don’t think this author knows what actual, real conversations sound like.
“August, open the door,” I say flatly.
“You’re joking. We’re going to take off again any minute!”
“August, please! Calliape gets to say goodbye,” I demand.”
This was so painful to read. The flatly is so inappropriate here, the “demand” so strange. I don’t even know how to describe it.
Another one: “I reach out to touch his helmet, wanting to peek inside his thoughts. Maybe he just can’t say them aloud. He always offers, so I assume it's fine. But then he snatches my wrist to stop me. I glare at him as he holds it away from his head. Now I really want to find out what he is thinking. I wish I could see through his visor at his expression. I have a feeling I would know exactly what it is.”
Girl?? What…? The mind connection has never needed physical touch/could be stopped by physical touch, one of the many inconsistencies with the magic. You then glare at him, and you wish you could see through his visor to see his expression and also you know exactly what that expression is??? What is going on here?? Am I the crazy one?????
This isn’t limited to the smut btw, which was, just like everything else in the book, awkward, clumsy, and off-putting.
“My name comes out in a deep whimper of surprise as I bounce downward on him again, like the pleasure is almost too much.
[…]
“I am yours too, Ferren,” he whispers, holding my hips. “No matter what, I am yours and you are mine,” he huffs out in sexy breaths.”
I was in hysterics. A deep whimper and sexy breaths, this man can truly do it all.
Overall though this was a bad time, and I do not recommend. There’s stuff I don’t even want to go into, like the whole Crixa thing, or Selene and the Frithians. I’d like to forget this book as quickly as possible.