A review by roach
South of Forgiveness: A True Story of Rape and Responsibility by Thordis Elva, Tom Stranger

challenging emotional hopeful informative inspiring reflective medium-paced

3.5

 
Violence is never a solution — condemnation excludes understanding, and without understanding, we will not learn.

South of Forgiveness is a unique non-fiction book by an author who experienced sexual violence and decides to meet the perpetrator to work through the trauma together.
For Thordis, forgiveness is the only way forward and understanding is the only way to work on a problem effectively. Rape is one of those crimes that is so immediately polarizing that it's hard to talk about it and the systems that enable it in a nuanced and constructive way. It's too easy to shut out the details underneath the victim and perpetrator stereotypes because we don't dare to actually engage with the complicated reality.
Thordis and Tom want to break through that with this book. Tom acknowledges what he did as a young man was awful and wrong, and he actively wants to work on the problem together with Thordis. Which gives us a rare, genuine and vulnerable glimpse into the personality and mind of someone who did, in fact, do that crime. A perspective we shut out way too often, even though it's just as important to listen to as is the victim's perspective if we want to understand and improve the problem of sexual violence. Additionally, it takes off the weight we put on the victims of these crimes who more often than not get the burden of answering all the questions while the perpetrator is left out of the conversation.
Here, both parties effectively and successfully manage to work through their trauma without harboring malice. Which is honestly incredible and inspiring.

I think a book like this can not only be helpful for people who have experienced sexual violence themselves but also people who have been on the other side but don't know where to go to escape it. Which is just as valuable as a step to work against this problem. 
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