A review by cechang0507
What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma by Stephanie Foo

challenging dark hopeful informative inspiring reflective sad medium-paced

5.0

if i could give this book 10 stars, i would. wow. i finished it about 3 hours ago and have already looked into finding therapists that are trauma informed and who specialize in cptsd. i'm technically in college, but from the way i devoured this book, you'd think i didn't have readings or assignments to do. oh well. this is my second book of february and it has already reached one of the top books i've read this year, maybe the last five years, and one of the best memoirs, and DEFINITELY the only book related to mental health i've read that talks about complex trauma. i think this is required reading for us survivors of cptsd/childhood abuse, but also for the larger audience. cptsd has such a stigma because it's not legitimized by the dsm-5 and also so unknown, which has definitely been a struggle in my life and the lives of those i love because it is NOT the same as regular ptsd. plus, there's the whole thing about being a woman of color with it. people just tend to not believe you. so the first thing i want to say is a MAJOR affirmation to stephanie foo, not just for telling her story, which was incredibly courageous and also so beautifully written, but also for her healing journey! she did not lie in her author's note: she DOES get her happy ending, which she so deserves. i'm really proud of her! i felt that this entire time i was reading the book, i was rooting for her as she worked through so much pain and trauma. i laughed, i empathized, i cried, but most importantly, i felt joy and i felt SEEN. i don't read many therapy type books, but this one not only validated my childhood trauma experiences but did so from the perspective of someone who was part of my community (chinese disaporic in the US, specifically cantonese speaking) AND, not only that, made sure to hold space and ADDRESS how being chinese american affected childhood trauma, mental health issues, and other things. i NEVER see that discourse, because, like stephanie foo writes in the book, racist stereotypes and familial/cultural pressures (and intergenerational trauma, and immigrant/migrant/refugee trauma) prevent most people from even acknowledging trauma's existence, both by people inside and outside the community. a lot of therapy discourse i've read is usually for and by white people, which is fine, but isn't completely MY story. stephanie foo told MY story. i was blown away by the similarities of our experiences (physical, emotional, and verbal abuse growing up) and the way we responded (workaholism as a coping mechanism, not trusting anyone, abandonment issues, general mommy and daddy issues). while i cannot relate to every single one of her traumas, it was the closest account of complex trauma i had ever heard. everything that was mentioned, from that scene with the wire hangers to dr. ham's youtube to the podcast on cpstd to the quoted new yorker articles -- i stopped and looked everything up and i feel so much more aware of, everything, it feels. i almost feel as if i could therapize myself from the conversations with dr. ham. so i am so so so so so unbelievably grateful for this book. it was validating to read and i feel like i learned so much about this type of trauma i had never known before. reading this was cathartic. it was freeing. it made me feel so raw at times. but ultimately, i feel so much more equipped to handle my own issues after reading it. i will be giving this to my parents, my sister, my friends -- anyone and everyone. healing is the hardest thing we can do, but as this book shows us, it's not impossible and you CAN have a happy ending. thank you so much stephanie foo!!!
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