A review by drakken
The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity by Esther Perel

4.0

Really enjoyed this well-written and carefully considered look at infidelity - why it perpetually dogs us as humans, why we tend to elevate it above all other wrongs in a relationship, how to (maybe?) safeguard against it in a healthy, uncontrolling manner, & how to successfully move on from it if it does occur, with lots of illuminating stories from Esther’s distinguished career as a relationship therapist along the way. I appreciated her ability/decision to approach this subject with nuance and examine all angles rather than be quick to generalize or judge, as things are not always as cut & dry as cheater = terrible, heartless person, cheated on = saint. *Not* that Esther condones affairs or seeks to foist the blame on the betrayed partner - and not to minimize the very real pain that people who have been cheated on deal with - but it’s important to recognize that infidelity is frequently the result of a complex set of factors which both parties helped contribute to, often unawares - as well as societal (and self-imposed) pressures that are… perhaps out of line with reality? - and to remain clear-eyed about that if partners are to understand and learn from the experience (or avoid it in the first place).