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A review by suyashi29
What We Talk About When We Talk about Rape by Sohaila Abdulali
5.0
Sohaila Abdulali's What We Talk About When We Talk About Rape escapes categorisation; it reads like an informative conversation about rape, about love and about what we could do to make this world a better place. In order to avoid further simplistic summarisation, I think this a brilliant book for anyone who wants to read more about feminism, about what is rape, about consent and about forgiveness. Abdulali attempts to destigmatise the cultures surrounding rape and offers a consent appropriate lens of having sex(which involves sexual pleasure for both the parties) through BDSM. She gives insight about how BDSM is a nuanced discussion on consent, how the people involved take note of the others' reaction, and how it serves as an accurate model for the enjoyment of sex.
She attempts to understand rapists, both their socio-economic and political situations as well as the nexus of power involved without attempting to dehumanise them. She even talks of forgiveness, but how that doesn't take away the "bad" from rape. She talks about support centres, about what triggers memories of abuse, about workshops that help discuss rape and sex education, about rape in war situations, and about her own rape. She discusses how women are compelled to think that one situation was better than other when the main issue at hand is about consent, and how it has been violated. She writes about all those who've gone through sexual abuse and those who've helped in dealing with rape. She even discusses about those who chose to confront their rapists, those who were blackmailed by their rapists in a situation of reverse victimisation, and those who couldn't even find their homes to be a safe space. She even discusses about lack of proper institutionalised care and support for male victims!
At each moment, you can feel the compassion with which Abdulali discusses the issue of rape, being sensitive about all socio-cultural, economic and cultural practices. At the heart of her work lies the idea that consent is the most important aspect involved while having sex and that sex should be pleasurable for all parties involved. She makes a case of how she doesn't understand the concept of raping in any situation, how the idea of honour completely mars sex. It is an important book, and a must read for anyone who wishes to understand the complexity involved in talking about rape without disintegrating into academic jargon.
She attempts to understand rapists, both their socio-economic and political situations as well as the nexus of power involved without attempting to dehumanise them. She even talks of forgiveness, but how that doesn't take away the "bad" from rape. She talks about support centres, about what triggers memories of abuse, about workshops that help discuss rape and sex education, about rape in war situations, and about her own rape. She discusses how women are compelled to think that one situation was better than other when the main issue at hand is about consent, and how it has been violated. She writes about all those who've gone through sexual abuse and those who've helped in dealing with rape. She even discusses about those who chose to confront their rapists, those who were blackmailed by their rapists in a situation of reverse victimisation, and those who couldn't even find their homes to be a safe space. She even discusses about lack of proper institutionalised care and support for male victims!
At each moment, you can feel the compassion with which Abdulali discusses the issue of rape, being sensitive about all socio-cultural, economic and cultural practices. At the heart of her work lies the idea that consent is the most important aspect involved while having sex and that sex should be pleasurable for all parties involved. She makes a case of how she doesn't understand the concept of raping in any situation, how the idea of honour completely mars sex. It is an important book, and a must read for anyone who wishes to understand the complexity involved in talking about rape without disintegrating into academic jargon.