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A review by srfrq
Heart Berries by Terese Marie Mailhot
4.0
i honestly wasn't expecting the memoir to be rooted in romantic love and yearning for a partner, but i think it explained and contextualized the pain and shame expressed throughout the essays. i found myself relating to a lot of her experiences with mental illness, and even to an extent, caring for loved ones and the lack of familial love in her life. the writing was beautiful, disjointed at times but poetic nonetheless, it was perfect to me. i felt frozen at times when she shared her traumas and then at times overwhelmed with emotions. a very moving and honest memoir.
"I had not stopped wanting to die. It was not romantic because it felt passionless - like a job I hated and needed. Romanticism requires bravery and risk. The obsessive thoughts ruined things. Good news was met with a numb feeling. The voice I heard was practical."
"I learned how to make a honey reduction of the ugly sentences. Still, my voice cracks."
"That's when I wondered if maybe falling in love looked like a crisis to an observer."
"Nothing is too ugly for this world, I think. It's just that people pretend not to see."
"I think self-esteem is a white invention to further separate one person from another. It asks people to assess their values and implies people have worth. It seems like identity capitalism."
"When I was in the hospital, feeling crazy, I learned how to manage my symptoms in the external world. The techniques for coping worked outside. In the house, I was unsure how to cope. I wanted to cry, hurt people, and I didn't trust myself. I didn't know if what I felt was authenticity, or a disease that would overtake me."
"I've exceeded every hope I gave to myself."
"I was not right to want to die. I didn't want to leave my family. I liked my mind and its potential. I knew the type of burden I was."
"The truth of this story is a detailed thing, when I'd prefer it be a symbol or a poem - fewer words, and more striking images to imbue all out things."
"I had not stopped wanting to die. It was not romantic because it felt passionless - like a job I hated and needed. Romanticism requires bravery and risk. The obsessive thoughts ruined things. Good news was met with a numb feeling. The voice I heard was practical."
"I learned how to make a honey reduction of the ugly sentences. Still, my voice cracks."
"That's when I wondered if maybe falling in love looked like a crisis to an observer."
"Nothing is too ugly for this world, I think. It's just that people pretend not to see."
"I think self-esteem is a white invention to further separate one person from another. It asks people to assess their values and implies people have worth. It seems like identity capitalism."
"When I was in the hospital, feeling crazy, I learned how to manage my symptoms in the external world. The techniques for coping worked outside. In the house, I was unsure how to cope. I wanted to cry, hurt people, and I didn't trust myself. I didn't know if what I felt was authenticity, or a disease that would overtake me."
"I've exceeded every hope I gave to myself."
"I was not right to want to die. I didn't want to leave my family. I liked my mind and its potential. I knew the type of burden I was."
"The truth of this story is a detailed thing, when I'd prefer it be a symbol or a poem - fewer words, and more striking images to imbue all out things."