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rebecca_oneil 's review for:
Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar
by Cheryl Strayed
WOW. A lot of my friends have read this and I finally got to it. Now I think it should be recommended reading for all adults. There's just so much here. Some of the stories (the writers' and hers) are very hard, and I was struck by how many times she uncovered the thing the advice-seekers already knew but didn't want to admit or take action on. So often we all need to be told to listen to our gut, and given permission to do that.
Favorite quotes (among many):
"Powerful and soulful, Tiny Beautiful Things is destined to become a classic of the form, the sort of book readers will carry around in purses or backpacks during difficult times as a token or talisman because of the radiant wisdom and depth within." --Aimee Bender, author of The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake
"I've written often about how we have to reach hard in the direction of the lives we want, even if it's difficult to do so." (181)
"So here's the long and short of it, Wearing Thin: There is no why. You don't have a right to the cards you believe you should have been dealt. You have an obligation to play the hell out of the ones you're holding. And, dear one, you and I both were granted a mighty generous hand." (205)
"c) How can it be that so many people's ex-girlfriends are crazy? What happens to these women?" (210)
"What do you do when you don't know what to do about something? I talk to Mr. Sugar and my friends. I make lists. I attempt to analyze the situation from the perspective of my 'best self' -- the one that's generous, reasonable, forgiving, loving, big-hearted, and grateful. I think really hard about what I'll wish I did a year from now..." (215)
"It's such a cliche, but it's true: You must set boundaries. F***ed-up people will try to tell you otherwise, but boundaries have nothing to do with whether you love someone or not. They are not judgments, punishments, or betrayals. They are a purely peaceable thing: the basic principals you identify for yourself that define the behaviors you will tolerate from others, as well as the responses you will have to those behaviors. Boundaries teach people how to treat you, and they teach you how to respect yourself." (227)
"It's a truism of transformation that if we want things to be different we have to change ourselves. I think both of you are going to have to take this to heart the way anyone who has ever changed anything about their lives has had to take it to heart: by making it not just a nice thing we say, but a hard thing we do." (237)
"I'll never know, and neither will you of the life you don't choose. We'll only know that whatever that sister life was, it was important and beautiful and not ours. It was the ghost ship that didn't carry us. There's nothing to do but salute it from the shore." (248)
Favorite quotes (among many):
"Powerful and soulful, Tiny Beautiful Things is destined to become a classic of the form, the sort of book readers will carry around in purses or backpacks during difficult times as a token or talisman because of the radiant wisdom and depth within." --Aimee Bender, author of The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake
"I've written often about how we have to reach hard in the direction of the lives we want, even if it's difficult to do so." (181)
"So here's the long and short of it, Wearing Thin: There is no why. You don't have a right to the cards you believe you should have been dealt. You have an obligation to play the hell out of the ones you're holding. And, dear one, you and I both were granted a mighty generous hand." (205)
"c) How can it be that so many people's ex-girlfriends are crazy? What happens to these women?" (210)
"What do you do when you don't know what to do about something? I talk to Mr. Sugar and my friends. I make lists. I attempt to analyze the situation from the perspective of my 'best self' -- the one that's generous, reasonable, forgiving, loving, big-hearted, and grateful. I think really hard about what I'll wish I did a year from now..." (215)
"It's such a cliche, but it's true: You must set boundaries. F***ed-up people will try to tell you otherwise, but boundaries have nothing to do with whether you love someone or not. They are not judgments, punishments, or betrayals. They are a purely peaceable thing: the basic principals you identify for yourself that define the behaviors you will tolerate from others, as well as the responses you will have to those behaviors. Boundaries teach people how to treat you, and they teach you how to respect yourself." (227)
"It's a truism of transformation that if we want things to be different we have to change ourselves. I think both of you are going to have to take this to heart the way anyone who has ever changed anything about their lives has had to take it to heart: by making it not just a nice thing we say, but a hard thing we do." (237)
"I'll never know, and neither will you of the life you don't choose. We'll only know that whatever that sister life was, it was important and beautiful and not ours. It was the ghost ship that didn't carry us. There's nothing to do but salute it from the shore." (248)