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A review by anakuroma
A Trans Man Walks Into a Gay Bar by Harry Nicholas
4.0
*Note: I am a trans, non binary, queer, white and disabled person. I want to thank Harry Nicholas and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for the opportunity to access an eARC of this book.
The thing that sold me on this book was the cover (gorgeous and eye-catching colours, well chosen font choice and photo) and the title (clever and sets the whole mood for the tone and themes of this book, honestly, it’s genius). The designer deserves recognition!
Onto the contents! Now, I’m hesitant to read a lot of trans biographies and memoirs, especially as this year I decided to steer away from ‘trans trauma’ narratives. Often the trans narrative is focused solely on our trauma - on the abuse and exclusion and pain we all suffer at one point or another (weekly, daily, even hourly).
While this narrative is important to bring awareness to, it can also be dangerous - and is the main (if only) genre of any trans narrative, fiction or non-fiction. Being trans is so much more than, and honestly, not even about, pain. It’s about joy - joy in our gender euphoria, our discovery of ourselves, what makes us happy, how we WANT to live and feel, be seen, and express ourselves as.
I say all this to praise this book, because Harry, while of course discussing the trauma and pain he has encountered, focuses mainly on the joy and rhythm of his journey. His ups and downs, his smiles and sorrows, all while his main goal is to educate and tie each anecdote to a current or pressing issue. Just as with everyone, the sorrows of his life are always companions to fun, wild, dangerous, and fulfilling experiences.
His humor never misses, nor does it feel shoved in as an afterthought to lighten a harrowing moment. Instead, Harry flawlessly navigates the complicated and nuanced flood of emotions so well that no moment is ever the ‘trauma’ moment or the ‘happy’ moment. That just doesn't exist in life. We FEEL so much in each second. Yet he’s able to convey these without complication or overbearance.
If I could wish for changes, (especially as Harry wrote this book because he could not find books on this very topic (being a gay trans man in gay spaces)) I would have loved him to offer tips and advice on things he’s learned in a summary of each section. What should one prepare for and take to a gay bar? How can one take safety precautions on a date? What are the social rules and practices of a gay sauna? What can you do to prepare for transphobia on a date? Mind you, a lot of advice is given during or after anecdotes, but I, being a list person, would have appreciated some bullet-point summaries at the end.
During the section on the issues around ‘passing’ (which was brilliantly done, don’t get me wrong) he failed to mention how it affects androgynous presenting trans folk (such as myself), intersex people and trans folk who happily present as the gender they are assigned at birth but are another gender entirely. Passing isn’t even an option for some of us (some don’t want to) and some (like me) who won’t ever get the option in their lifetime. That’s honestly a large portion of our trans population that got left out of this discussion.
Lastly, this is another (as far as I’ve been able to tell) book from a white perspective. Harry does mention the need to listen to and be aware of BIPOC trans folk, but I felt that a lot of Harry’s experiences were grounded in the safety of whiteness. It limits how well this book could help BIPOC trans men looking for the book Harry set out to make. It is helpful to white folks, sure, but leaves out much needed help to our trans BIPOC siblings. I’d love for this same book to be written from a Black, Indigenous or Takatāpui lens.
Overall, I do rate this a 4.5 for white readers - as it will help them. For non-white readers, I’m not qualified to rate, but I will suggest it leaves out critical information and help for them (but I implore we listen to BIPOC reviewers always in this area rather than myself).
The thing that sold me on this book was the cover (gorgeous and eye-catching colours, well chosen font choice and photo) and the title (clever and sets the whole mood for the tone and themes of this book, honestly, it’s genius). The designer deserves recognition!
Onto the contents! Now, I’m hesitant to read a lot of trans biographies and memoirs, especially as this year I decided to steer away from ‘trans trauma’ narratives. Often the trans narrative is focused solely on our trauma - on the abuse and exclusion and pain we all suffer at one point or another (weekly, daily, even hourly).
While this narrative is important to bring awareness to, it can also be dangerous - and is the main (if only) genre of any trans narrative, fiction or non-fiction. Being trans is so much more than, and honestly, not even about, pain. It’s about joy - joy in our gender euphoria, our discovery of ourselves, what makes us happy, how we WANT to live and feel, be seen, and express ourselves as.
I say all this to praise this book, because Harry, while of course discussing the trauma and pain he has encountered, focuses mainly on the joy and rhythm of his journey. His ups and downs, his smiles and sorrows, all while his main goal is to educate and tie each anecdote to a current or pressing issue. Just as with everyone, the sorrows of his life are always companions to fun, wild, dangerous, and fulfilling experiences.
His humor never misses, nor does it feel shoved in as an afterthought to lighten a harrowing moment. Instead, Harry flawlessly navigates the complicated and nuanced flood of emotions so well that no moment is ever the ‘trauma’ moment or the ‘happy’ moment. That just doesn't exist in life. We FEEL so much in each second. Yet he’s able to convey these without complication or overbearance.
If I could wish for changes, (especially as Harry wrote this book because he could not find books on this very topic (being a gay trans man in gay spaces)) I would have loved him to offer tips and advice on things he’s learned in a summary of each section. What should one prepare for and take to a gay bar? How can one take safety precautions on a date? What are the social rules and practices of a gay sauna? What can you do to prepare for transphobia on a date? Mind you, a lot of advice is given during or after anecdotes, but I, being a list person, would have appreciated some bullet-point summaries at the end.
During the section on the issues around ‘passing’ (which was brilliantly done, don’t get me wrong) he failed to mention how it affects androgynous presenting trans folk (such as myself), intersex people and trans folk who happily present as the gender they are assigned at birth but are another gender entirely. Passing isn’t even an option for some of us (some don’t want to) and some (like me) who won’t ever get the option in their lifetime. That’s honestly a large portion of our trans population that got left out of this discussion.
Lastly, this is another (as far as I’ve been able to tell) book from a white perspective. Harry does mention the need to listen to and be aware of BIPOC trans folk, but I felt that a lot of Harry’s experiences were grounded in the safety of whiteness. It limits how well this book could help BIPOC trans men looking for the book Harry set out to make. It is helpful to white folks, sure, but leaves out much needed help to our trans BIPOC siblings. I’d love for this same book to be written from a Black, Indigenous or Takatāpui lens.
Overall, I do rate this a 4.5 for white readers - as it will help them. For non-white readers, I’m not qualified to rate, but I will suggest it leaves out critical information and help for them (but I implore we listen to BIPOC reviewers always in this area rather than myself).