A review by lixard
Women Don't Owe You Pretty by Florence Given

informative reflective slow-paced

3.5

my bookmarked sections:
  • not knowing the outcome of a post becomes a high, and each time we receive a positive response, our body releases endorphins to make us feel an overwhelming (but fleeting) sense of validation and excitement. the more frequently we engage with this algorithm, the more we learn to crave the next adrenaline rush. 
  • those who do not respect your boundaries do not deserve to know you.
  • when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. - they might be hot, but if they're a piece of shit, they're a piece of shit.
  • i'm not looking for a project. you cannot fall in love with someone's "potential", hun. you're just kidding yourself, falling for a version of them that doesn't exist, and filling in the gaps in their character with what you want and need from them. 
  • what informs our tastes? (hint: it's "desirability politics.") when it comes to who we date and who we find attractive, our collective "preferences" as a society are informed by our subconscious bias, our cultural influences, and who we are taught to find attractive through the media and the narratives we consume about the hierarchy of beauty. which makes every single person's desire and desirability inherently political. 
  • do you listen to and respect people you're not attracted to?
  • when we fetishize marginalized people, we rid them of their chance to be the unique, multifaceted individuals that they are. saying "i have a thing for asian girls" - however well-intentioned - isn't a compliment; you're assuming that "asian girls" all act as one homogenous group.
  • the shame that women have surrounding sex is the same shame that seeps into our desire to be with other genders, because we are taught that our bodies exist and belong to the male gaze - so having feelings for other women is bound to confuse us. 
  • when we are taught we "don't like sex," all that teaches us about our sexuality and our bodies is that they are to be reserved exclusively for men and their sexual desires. it normalizes us as "passive participants" in sex and not people who enjoy the experience equally. 
  • many times, people consent to sexual activity because they fear what might happen if they reject someone's advances. but part of dismantling rape culture starts with encouraging women to set and hold boundaries, no matter the reaction they might receive. this is not victim blaming - the responsibility not to rape lies solely with the rapist. but we need to get to a place where women are empowered enough to say "no" in the first place or we will continue to foster a culture of coercion and "blurred lines".
  • a man in a room full of women is ecstatic. a women in a room of men is terrified. - unknown
  • capitalism turns us all into objects of desire yet also expects us to pay the price to fit into this accepted vision.
  • by immediately asking our friends [about their love life], we emphasize the importance of romantic relationships in our lives and reinforce that we are defined by our relationship status. what if they're not seeing anyone? will you be just as excited for them then? 
  • privilege: afforded unearned benefits in society based on being part of a social group. ... we are far more likely to be aware of our negative experiences of oppression rather than the ways in which we are privileged. we assume how we're treated is how everyone else is treated, because it's our reality and it feels "normal". privilege is invisible to the person who has it until it's pointed out to them or until they have lost that privilege. 
  • [privilege] can't exist without oppression.
  • white privilege is like an invisible weightless knapsack of special provisions, maps, passports, codebooks, visas, clothes, tools, and blank checks. (peggy mcintosh) 
  • "reverse racism" and "female privilege" do not exist because, in order to cause oppression, you need the backing of institutional power behind you. misandry (the hatred of men) has never led to widespread career limitations, rape, murder, or mass oppression for men the way that misogyny (the hatred of women) has for women. 
  • so the company hires only the "most qualified", but qualifications are not equitably accessible, resulting in de facto discrimination. 
  • there's no need to find a "lesson" in your experience or try to be the same person you were before it happened. finding meaning in traumatic events should not be your priority; your priority should be trying to survive.
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