A review by boldeststroke
All the Women in My Brain: And Other Concerns by Betty Gilpin

dark funny inspiring medium-paced

4.5

I want to someday smile at my silver hair in the mirror and then smile wider at a weird idea.

BETTY. MOTHERFUCKING. GILPIN. (not her real middle name by any means whatsoever, but i'm sure in some alternate universe, it definitely is. and anyway, elizabeth danger abbott's already occupying that position in this universe.) what a way with words she has. her ability to infuse language with as much metaphor as the strict integrity of sentence structure will possibly allow is as beautifully deliberate as her signature facial expressions. it's exactly what i expected after reading her GLOW eulogy, the vanity fair article with such a fascinating final note about alison brie finally finding her brain that it brought me here, this bright pink book studded with the aftermath of lining up barbies for the guillotine. if you know me at all, you know my whole thing with barbie, so of course i judged a book by its cover and just delved right in.

but it's even more than that. this memoir really surprised me. i took a class on them in the fall of last year and had it somewhat trained into me that celebrity memoirs aren't really the pinnacle of the form. (the genre? the medium? the narrative? whatever.) while i wasn't necessarily told to avoid them because they weren't bad, they were merely a trend in the literary sphere, i was told to read them with a conscience.

there was never a moment of doubt in me when reading betty.

i guess i should mention i was listening to the audiobook alongside this read. it was an unregrettable choice that i would highly recommend if anybody bothers to read this far into my review and finds their attention sufficiently grabbed. betty narrates with this trained alacrity that i stereotypically want to hear read a phone book. there's a part where the lyrics to the celebration chorus are laid out in all caps and she reads it in a way you're not gonna be able to anticipate whatsoever. there's another part where her voice cracks while talking about her best dog babe and it broke my heart to the point that it leaked tears. her range is impeccable.

really, though, i was stunned to see where this memoir took me. i have to be honest and say that i genuinely went into it believing there would be a cathartic crescendo roughly halfway in about the breakout role we all know and love. america's sweetheart, liberty belle, becoming the woman of her dreams after she spent a decade toiling away in an industry that didn't really know what to do with her. but that's the thing, isn't it? betty's not debbie eagan. (i mean, she is, which means this metaphor's about to be distorted beyond belief, but stay with me here.) betty's ruth wilder. minus the homewrecking, obviously, but fighting tooth and nail for a role that lets her cloak the dark and embrace the light simultaneously. relentless even when she reaches the end of her rope, she wrestles herself back into that ring, that spotlight, that camera. not for the audience, but all for herself.

it's why i'm glad that honor went to the hunt instead. a movie i'm relieved to say i watched before i launched myself into this memoir with a cannon, she puts on a performance carrying the hell out of a premise that riled up audiences so badly before actual viewings that the movie got shelved for a while after the trailer dropped. i wasn't even aware that any of this had happened, but it's insane, how easily satire can be true to life. i'm glad i got to see crystal with all her rage, full of effort but effusive in her finish, before i read that this was the titular chance for betty. you can tell she was because, maybe apart from sister simone from mrs. davis (who's a career high brain child from leftovers lindelof, but i can't get into that in full detail here or it'll make this review a million times longer than it already is, so check out this movie and that show, okay?), she was the character.

anyway. i loved the memoir. that's what a review is for. i'd say read it some time. the only reason i'm not giving it the full five stars (for now) is because i keep thinking about all those other essays from her floating out there in the ether. or, if you're technologically advanced, on the internet. i wonder if it would have made some parts feel more fulfilling if they'd all been collected into this book, given a place to live amidst all the other chapters. i don't know, betty, are you down to write another memoir? because i could devour that at a voracious pace too.

a final thought along those lines, i'm now thinking about an essay from her on three women. (full circle moment, acting in an adaptation of a memoir, i know it. how's writing about acting in an adaptation of a memoir?) it's not lost on me, the fact that it's a show that can only be legally streamed in sweden (and australia in february, which is just great, depending on patience tolerance) at the time i'm writing this, meaning it's basically been shelved until further notice. so i wanna know! does she have deja vu? i'm currently two episodes in (again, i'm not patient tolerant) and i know she's good for it. so how does she feel?