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connor_dragon 's review for:
Wizard's First Rule
by Terry Goodkind
I'm not entirely certain how this book is rated, on average, higher than four stars. This is the most solid three stars I've ever given. The book straddled the line perfectly between good and awful.
The good first I think.
I enjoyed the plot, such as it was. The plot was HEAVILY inspired by everything that came before, and simple in its straightforwardness. It felt like Goodkind wanted to pay tribute to every fantasy novel he's ever read and enjoyed, so he put them all into this one. There were a thousand mini-quests to complete.
I liked the characterisation. This wasn't without its issues of course. He kept forgetting how he wanted his characters to speak, so it was difficult to tell one from another. The characters were all just a little bit too much. Every single character is the first and best at what they do, no matter what that is. Richard is the worst at this. But still - they each had their own personalities, and that was nice.
Now the bad. Oh my god, the writing.
My copy has a quote on the front cover. "It's going to sweep the country as Tolkien's work did." Fuck off, no. First of all, Tolkien's work swept the globe. Second and more important, Tolkien crafted his story. It was written beautifully. Goodkind probably couldn't tell you what a subjunctive clause is. There is one instance of punctuation being used beyond the basics - a totally misplaced semicolon.
Every problem is solved by discovering something. Problem - angst - solution - problem solved. It happened a hundred times throughout the course of the book, often within a two-page spread. It was occasionally hilarious pausing my reading, where a problem has been solved, then looking back to where I can see on the previous page the problem being introduced.
The one time this doesn't happen the foreshadowing was so horriffyingly blatantly obvious that it would obviously be brought back up. HEY GOODKIND. IF YOU WANT TO INTRODUCE A MAGUFFIN EARLIER IN THE STORY THAN IT'LL BE USED YOU NEED TO HAVE A FAKE REASON FOR INTRODUCING IT.
Here, let me show you how. "Richard and Kahlan were being chased, the asldjaqgh was right behind them, Richard burst through the trees holding Kahlan's hand which he still didn't know was dangerous to do into a wide open area. Gars milled about and a few turned toward him. he shied back, but the asdglasd was too close to retreat, so he drew the Sword of Truth and charged forward. Gars rushed towards him, but he could see safety just ahead - a large cylinder placed directy on a steam vent. The vent had cracked just enough for him to squeeze through, but was too small for a GAR or the askldygdfiadk to follow him."
Seriously, Goodkind. That's better than "Richard and Kahlan were walking and off to their left they saw the thing which would be useful later. 'That's interesting' they said to each other, and continued their stroll."
Add to this that the characters very often don't act in their best interests. They maintain the angst and have an emotional fit when we're meant to believe they're careful thoughtful people and there is actually a simple solution. Goodkind may have spotted it or not, but the characters should have.
An example. Richard and Kahlan can't marry because she's certain to use her power on him in the throes of sex. So, uh, just don't have sex? Mutual masturbation is a thing, and you can love each other anyway. Perhaps Goodkind doesn't understand this.
Also his favourite length of time is half an hour. It can be a long time or a short time depending on how he wants us to react to it, but half an hour is the most used time notation in the book.
The heroic characters tend to grand declamations, which they then contradict a page later, without seeming to notice. "Oh, nice to know you're the Seeker, fun thing to know about us Boundary Wardens is we take orders from you and nobody else, and also I'm going to lead you to the pass and there's nothing you can do to stop me."
Seriously, who edited this, Terry Goodkind's left sock? I just checked, it's apparently James Frenkel, whom Goodkind specifically thanks in the Acknowledgements page for improving the book. I shudder to think what arrived on Frenkel's desk.
Finally, the names. Oh for fuck's sake, the names.
The big bad evil guy, he's such a dick. I'm gonna call him Panis, because it sounds like penis. These torturer people who love to torture and don't do anything but torture, they're like a cross between Star Wars' bad guys and Lord of the Rings' bad guys... I'm gonna call them Mordor-Sith. Wait, too on the nose. Mord-Sith, perfect. Old wizard who helps them definitely needs a billion Zs in his name. While I'm at it, let's make everything as alliterative as possible.
Oh and now that I remember it, he literally ghave us a gollum character. Seriously. Samuel was Gollum. That's all Samuel was. He was Gollum.
I'm likely to continue the series, but when I run out of enjoyment I'm going to stop without being sad about it.
The good first I think.
I enjoyed the plot, such as it was. The plot was HEAVILY inspired by everything that came before, and simple in its straightforwardness. It felt like Goodkind wanted to pay tribute to every fantasy novel he's ever read and enjoyed, so he put them all into this one. There were a thousand mini-quests to complete.
I liked the characterisation. This wasn't without its issues of course. He kept forgetting how he wanted his characters to speak, so it was difficult to tell one from another. The characters were all just a little bit too much. Every single character is the first and best at what they do, no matter what that is. Richard is the worst at this. But still - they each had their own personalities, and that was nice.
Now the bad. Oh my god, the writing.
My copy has a quote on the front cover. "It's going to sweep the country as Tolkien's work did." Fuck off, no. First of all, Tolkien's work swept the globe. Second and more important, Tolkien crafted his story. It was written beautifully. Goodkind probably couldn't tell you what a subjunctive clause is. There is one instance of punctuation being used beyond the basics - a totally misplaced semicolon.
Every problem is solved by discovering something. Problem - angst - solution - problem solved. It happened a hundred times throughout the course of the book, often within a two-page spread. It was occasionally hilarious pausing my reading, where a problem has been solved, then looking back to where I can see on the previous page the problem being introduced.
The one time this doesn't happen the foreshadowing was so horriffyingly blatantly obvious that it would obviously be brought back up. HEY GOODKIND. IF YOU WANT TO INTRODUCE A MAGUFFIN EARLIER IN THE STORY THAN IT'LL BE USED YOU NEED TO HAVE A FAKE REASON FOR INTRODUCING IT.
Here, let me show you how. "Richard and Kahlan were being chased, the asldjaqgh was right behind them, Richard burst through the trees holding Kahlan's hand which he still didn't know was dangerous to do into a wide open area. Gars milled about and a few turned toward him. he shied back, but the asdglasd was too close to retreat, so he drew the Sword of Truth and charged forward. Gars rushed towards him, but he could see safety just ahead - a large cylinder placed directy on a steam vent. The vent had cracked just enough for him to squeeze through, but was too small for a GAR or the askldygdfiadk to follow him."
Seriously, Goodkind. That's better than "Richard and Kahlan were walking and off to their left they saw the thing which would be useful later. 'That's interesting' they said to each other, and continued their stroll."
Add to this that the characters very often don't act in their best interests. They maintain the angst and have an emotional fit when we're meant to believe they're careful thoughtful people and there is actually a simple solution. Goodkind may have spotted it or not, but the characters should have.
An example. Richard and Kahlan can't marry because she's certain to use her power on him in the throes of sex. So, uh, just don't have sex? Mutual masturbation is a thing, and you can love each other anyway. Perhaps Goodkind doesn't understand this.
Also his favourite length of time is half an hour. It can be a long time or a short time depending on how he wants us to react to it, but half an hour is the most used time notation in the book.
The heroic characters tend to grand declamations, which they then contradict a page later, without seeming to notice. "Oh, nice to know you're the Seeker, fun thing to know about us Boundary Wardens is we take orders from you and nobody else, and also I'm going to lead you to the pass and there's nothing you can do to stop me."
Seriously, who edited this, Terry Goodkind's left sock? I just checked, it's apparently James Frenkel, whom Goodkind specifically thanks in the Acknowledgements page for improving the book. I shudder to think what arrived on Frenkel's desk.
Finally, the names. Oh for fuck's sake, the names.
The big bad evil guy, he's such a dick. I'm gonna call him Panis, because it sounds like penis. These torturer people who love to torture and don't do anything but torture, they're like a cross between Star Wars' bad guys and Lord of the Rings' bad guys... I'm gonna call them Mordor-Sith. Wait, too on the nose. Mord-Sith, perfect. Old wizard who helps them definitely needs a billion Zs in his name. While I'm at it, let's make everything as alliterative as possible.
Oh and now that I remember it, he literally ghave us a gollum character. Seriously. Samuel was Gollum. That's all Samuel was. He was Gollum.
I'm likely to continue the series, but when I run out of enjoyment I'm going to stop without being sad about it.