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A review by nbvanderhyden
The Toy King by Adriana Herrera
1.0
It seems like I'm the only person that didn't like this book.
To be clear, in general, I'm having a hard time with holiday reads this year, but for a novella, it sure was full of contradictions and strange pairings of tropes to me:
ex 1: The Heroine is a very sex-positive and experienced (with toys) virgin who has never been kissed.
ex 2: I think this is supposed to be a Christmas story. Santa is mentioned and the Hero is a Toy Runner, but besides that, you don't ever actually see a child's toy or elves or Santa herself or even mistletoe.
ex 3: The Hero (with unclear responsibilities regarding his toy delivery man services) wears a fur vest with swords strapped all to him. He even admits it's silly to be carrying weapons. I'm pretty sure they are just for show because he never fights with them.
ex 4: Apparently lucky Toy Runners can have mates. They also have pierced tongues and are trained to use it on the ladies. Let me repeat. Some unexplained tradition states that males in this role must have their tongues pierced and learn to give pleasure orally.
ex 5: Consent issues. Ok, the Hero checks like 100 times to make sure that the Heroine is agreeing to leave her home with the Hero (because now he is also playing Transporter roles) willingly. However, once he thinks they may be mates, he doesn't tell her what it will mean for her or the consequences of them banging.
ex 6: The consequences of mates banging for the first time: tattoos appear on his arm (hot) and can be anything to remind him of her family, such as the names of her lineage (ew, not hot).
ex 7: They become snowed-in inside of his airplane (there is a whiteout so he finds a cave to land inside of- pretty impressive flying skills for a whiteout). The airplane is supposed to be used for toy running (we still don't know what that entails) but comes equipped with: a skylight that turns into a mirror on the ceiling, a retractable hot tub with it's own snow collector and head source, a sex swing already mounted, a truck of toys (sterilizing station included). It's like if Batman's belt was a sex plane, it would be this. But seriously, how much time does this dude spend on this plane? I'm guessing a lot- might as well put those tongue ring skills to work.
ex 8: If any generic mom of teenagers was to write an erotic story, this would be it. It's like she knows her kid will have sex, so instead of fighting it, she will write about it but also try to sneak in all those motherly pieces of advice.
- It is full of anatomically correct words like minor labia.
- I mentioned how important consent was (at least in some cases).
- The Hero shows her the truck of sex toys and the same sentence has him showing off the sanitizing station that is build into it. (Side note- what's the going number of times a butt plug can be inserted into various partners before the sanitizing station just doesn't seem enough anymore?)
ex 9: Before they bang, they have the quick "I'm clean" convo, but it's pretty much a moot point because Toy Runners don't carry human diseases (even though I don't remember it being discussed that the Hero *isn't* human...)
So, basically, this 114 page story is full of Immortals After Dark and Ice Planet Barbarians hints, potential teaser background regarding a reverse harem, a virgin heroine, vague Christmas related theme, examples of consent (when it matters to the Hero), the correct names of ladies body parts, a fully stocked plane, tatted and sword packing (but not using) Hero, a Heroine who loves sex toys and they are used both together and separate, a Go-Go Gadget Plane, lastly, a touch of Jason Statham as the Transporter.
To be clear, in general, I'm having a hard time with holiday reads this year, but for a novella, it sure was full of contradictions and strange pairings of tropes to me:
ex 1: The Heroine is a very sex-positive and experienced (with toys) virgin who has never been kissed.
ex 2: I think this is supposed to be a Christmas story. Santa is mentioned and the Hero is a Toy Runner, but besides that, you don't ever actually see a child's toy or elves or Santa herself or even mistletoe.
ex 3: The Hero (with unclear responsibilities regarding his toy delivery man services) wears a fur vest with swords strapped all to him. He even admits it's silly to be carrying weapons. I'm pretty sure they are just for show because he never fights with them.
ex 4: Apparently lucky Toy Runners can have mates. They also have pierced tongues and are trained to use it on the ladies. Let me repeat. Some unexplained tradition states that males in this role must have their tongues pierced and learn to give pleasure orally.
ex 5: Consent issues. Ok, the Hero checks like 100 times to make sure that the Heroine is agreeing to leave her home with the Hero (because now he is also playing Transporter roles) willingly. However, once he thinks they may be mates, he doesn't tell her what it will mean for her or the consequences of them banging.
ex 6: The consequences of mates banging for the first time: tattoos appear on his arm (hot) and can be anything to remind him of her family, such as the names of her lineage (ew, not hot).
ex 7: They become snowed-in inside of his airplane (there is a whiteout so he finds a cave to land inside of- pretty impressive flying skills for a whiteout). The airplane is supposed to be used for toy running (we still don't know what that entails) but comes equipped with: a skylight that turns into a mirror on the ceiling, a retractable hot tub with it's own snow collector and head source, a sex swing already mounted, a truck of toys (sterilizing station included). It's like if Batman's belt was a sex plane, it would be this. But seriously, how much time does this dude spend on this plane? I'm guessing a lot- might as well put those tongue ring skills to work.
ex 8: If any generic mom of teenagers was to write an erotic story, this would be it. It's like she knows her kid will have sex, so instead of fighting it, she will write about it but also try to sneak in all those motherly pieces of advice.
- It is full of anatomically correct words like minor labia.
- I mentioned how important consent was (at least in some cases).
- The Hero shows her the truck of sex toys and the same sentence has him showing off the sanitizing station that is build into it. (Side note- what's the going number of times a butt plug can be inserted into various partners before the sanitizing station just doesn't seem enough anymore?)
ex 9: Before they bang, they have the quick "I'm clean" convo, but it's pretty much a moot point because Toy Runners don't carry human diseases (even though I don't remember it being discussed that the Hero *isn't* human...)
So, basically, this 114 page story is full of Immortals After Dark and Ice Planet Barbarians hints, potential teaser background regarding a reverse harem, a virgin heroine, vague Christmas related theme, examples of consent (when it matters to the Hero), the correct names of ladies body parts, a fully stocked plane, tatted and sword packing (but not using) Hero, a Heroine who loves sex toys and they are used both together and separate, a Go-Go Gadget Plane, lastly, a touch of Jason Statham as the Transporter.