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booktherapyphilly 's review for:

4.0

Surviving the White Gaze by Rebecca Carroll is a memoir that looks at a Black girl growing up in very white New Hampshire.

Carroll explores her relationship with her well-meaning and loving white adoptive parents who are ultimately naive on what it means to connect their daughter to her Black heritage, along with the manipulative, demeaning, and abusive relationship that she develops with her white birth mother and finally the challenges of being able to even meet/connect with her Black birth father face to face.

It’s heartbreaking to hear Carroll lament about not being exposed to her biggest influences (Morrison, Lorde, Walker, Baldwin) until college and to watch her grapple with her desire to connect with her culture despite being raised as if she were white. Some of the most touching moments are when Carroll at long last finds mentors and friends who guide her in finding herself.

The writing style was simple, which allowed the story to come through without any distractions from the strong points. At times, I questioned if some of the conversations recounted were really as neat and tidy as the remembered dialogue implies, but even if they weren’t it doesn’t matter because the emotions being described were true. It is also clear that the book was written at least partially as a huge jab at Carroll’s birth mother, which only adds to the reader understanding the weight of the trauma that she experienced.