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seventhswan 's review for:
Love in Exile
by Shon Faye
emotional
reflective
slow-paced
I was excited to read this book, as I thought The Transgender Issue was excellent, but unfortunately it missed the mark for me. Although I found it fairly easy to read and follow, and even agreed with plenty of the content, it was so disjointed and bitty that I never felt an urge to get back to reading it, and a lot of the more factual sections dragged. A Goodreads reviewer has left the one-sentence review "here's every thought I've ever had", and that's exactly how I felt, too. The breadth of this book should be impressive, covering everything from alcohol addiction to St Therese of Lisieux to attachment theory, but in reality nothing linked together and if one topic gripped me (as some indeed did!), it was quickly over.
That aside, while I do agree with most of Faye's socialist politics and can't dispute the impact that patriarchy, imperialism, and classism have on every aspect of our lives including love, I found the relentless application of Marxist theory to something so intensely feelings-based and capricious wearing, bordering on depressing. Perhaps I am too romantic (or religious!), but one of the most important things about love in my experience is its unpredictability and potential to transcend human-imposed boundaries, and it grated to see this reduced to a set of academic fill-in-the-blanks. When I want to know what bell hooks thinks about love, I can read bell hooks. I wanted to know what Shon Faye thinks about love... but instead I learned that she's read bell hooks.
Finally, I was disappointed by how heterosexual-focused the vast majority of the book was. I understand and respect that Faye doesn't, as she explains, identify as straight, but as a woman who dates men, that's the angle that all her analysis stems from. If this was more of a memoir, I couldn't argue with this, but when she covers such a huge range of topics only nebulously related to love, I kept waiting for a couple of paragraphs at least about gay relationships. A lot of her arguments about how romantic relationships work just didn't hold up against my experiences in relationships with women.
All that said, I wouldn't warn people off reading this book and I'm worried I've been unnecessarily harsh. I think this would be a great book club read and I hope I get to discuss it with others, as I can see it's been generally well-received. I just think my perspectives are too far from Faye's for it to really come together for me.
That aside, while I do agree with most of Faye's socialist politics and can't dispute the impact that patriarchy, imperialism, and classism have on every aspect of our lives including love, I found the relentless application of Marxist theory to something so intensely feelings-based and capricious wearing, bordering on depressing. Perhaps I am too romantic (or religious!), but one of the most important things about love in my experience is its unpredictability and potential to transcend human-imposed boundaries, and it grated to see this reduced to a set of academic fill-in-the-blanks. When I want to know what bell hooks thinks about love, I can read bell hooks. I wanted to know what Shon Faye thinks about love... but instead I learned that she's read bell hooks.
Finally, I was disappointed by how heterosexual-focused the vast majority of the book was. I understand and respect that Faye doesn't, as she explains, identify as straight, but as a woman who dates men, that's the angle that all her analysis stems from. If this was more of a memoir, I couldn't argue with this, but when she covers such a huge range of topics only nebulously related to love, I kept waiting for a couple of paragraphs at least about gay relationships. A lot of her arguments about how romantic relationships work just didn't hold up against my experiences in relationships with women.
All that said, I wouldn't warn people off reading this book and I'm worried I've been unnecessarily harsh. I think this would be a great book club read and I hope I get to discuss it with others, as I can see it's been generally well-received. I just think my perspectives are too far from Faye's for it to really come together for me.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Addiction, Alcoholism, Toxic relationship
Moderate: Homophobia, Mental illness, Transphobia, Abandonment
Minor: Drug use, Religious bigotry