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A review by mpaloma
The House of My Mother by Shari Franke
informative
medium-paced
"This moment, this climax of my family’s descent into madness, needed to be documented, preserved, and shared on social media. Just like every forced smile, every staged perfection had been, too."
I don't feel like it's fair to rate this one, especially when these events happened so recently. I saw a few other people say this, but I feel like Shari was so close to realizing the role the church played in her experiences of abuse, and I hope one day, when these events are a little further in her rearview mirror, she can reflect on that. She is only 22, has experienced a boatload of trauma, and some people are being overly harsh on her for retaining her membership.
"What are the lasting repercussions of growing up on camera, without any say in the matter? How does that constant exposure shape a child’s sense of self, their future relationships, their very understanding of privacy? And what does consent really look like when you’re a child, too afraid to say no?"
I find it admirable that Shari Franke is using this moment of internet sensationalism to bring awareness to the damage of family vlogging. I have long held the opinion that "mommy vlogging" is immoral, because children are being used for profit. I hope we will see some kind of legislation in regards to the monetization of children, perhaps along the lines of child labor laws. There are already plenty of studies regarding the effects my generation has experienced due to our social media exposure, and I will be interested to see how many more of these memoirs we will get in the next ten years as these kids grow up.
Shari also spends a small section of the book discussing Utah's Free-Range Parenting Law, which removes activities from the state's definition of child neglect that children can reasonably do without supervision, so long as the child's “basic needs are met and [they] are of sufficient age and maturity to avoid harm or unreasonable risk of harm.” Franke alleges that this law made it difficult for her siblings' situation to be properly investigated by DCFS. Her siblings would be left alone for days at a time with no one to check in on them, and despite desperate and numerous calls from neighbors and Shari herself, authorities were unable to do anything without evidence of physical harm.
"But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that the life I’ve created for myself and the person I’ve blossomed into are not because of Ruby but in spite of her."
I hope Shari and her siblings are able to heal from these experiences. I hope she continues to blossom in spite of Ruby. I hope the internet will remember these are real people, and extend some uncommon grace.
I don't feel like it's fair to rate this one, especially when these events happened so recently. I saw a few other people say this, but I feel like Shari was so close to realizing the role the church played in her experiences of abuse, and I hope one day, when these events are a little further in her rearview mirror, she can reflect on that. She is only 22, has experienced a boatload of trauma, and some people are being overly harsh on her for retaining her membership.
"What are the lasting repercussions of growing up on camera, without any say in the matter? How does that constant exposure shape a child’s sense of self, their future relationships, their very understanding of privacy? And what does consent really look like when you’re a child, too afraid to say no?"
I find it admirable that Shari Franke is using this moment of internet sensationalism to bring awareness to the damage of family vlogging. I have long held the opinion that "mommy vlogging" is immoral, because children are being used for profit. I hope we will see some kind of legislation in regards to the monetization of children, perhaps along the lines of child labor laws. There are already plenty of studies regarding the effects my generation has experienced due to our social media exposure, and I will be interested to see how many more of these memoirs we will get in the next ten years as these kids grow up.
Shari also spends a small section of the book discussing Utah's Free-Range Parenting Law, which removes activities from the state's definition of child neglect that children can reasonably do without supervision, so long as the child's “basic needs are met and [they] are of sufficient age and maturity to avoid harm or unreasonable risk of harm.” Franke alleges that this law made it difficult for her siblings' situation to be properly investigated by DCFS. Her siblings would be left alone for days at a time with no one to check in on them, and despite desperate and numerous calls from neighbors and Shari herself, authorities were unable to do anything without evidence of physical harm.
"But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that the life I’ve created for myself and the person I’ve blossomed into are not because of Ruby but in spite of her."
I hope Shari and her siblings are able to heal from these experiences. I hope she continues to blossom in spite of Ruby. I hope the internet will remember these are real people, and extend some uncommon grace.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Panic attacks/disorders, Physical abuse, Sexual assault, Suicidal thoughts, Religious bigotry, Abandonment
Minor: Miscarriage