Take a photo of a barcode or cover
Okay, so, like, there's this house? And it's like hidden or something? Like in the boonies? And it's like possessed, okay, like by Satan? Or maybe God? Or like maybe it's some kind of cosmic partnership? Because like mostly it doesn't do anything?
But then sometimes out-of-towners come by? And then the house like traps them, okay, but like only if they're atheists, or agnostic or something? And then it employs supernatural forces to confront them with their "sins"? But like in life-threatening ways, and like only overnight? And then in the morning they can repent and accept Jesus Christ as their personal saviour or else they can be brutally murdered?
And plus the rules are like vaguely Old Testament? Like Stephanie's "sin" is she's willing to eat dog food to pacify a serial killer/rapist? And Jack's "sin" is he's still mad at Stephanie like a week after their daughter drowns accidentally because Stephanie had her posing on thin ice for the 'Gram? And Leslie's "sin" is she didn't rally immediately after suffering years of childhood sexual abuse? And like we never find out what Randy supposedly did wrong, but he's kind of a fuckface, so maybe his "sin" is he's Randy?
And there's this mysterious, wise, otherworldly little girl named Susan who turns up? And she like knows the whole score? And so she like does all she can to help these jagoffs save themselves? And you like find out in the end that she's an incarnation of Jesus Christ? And so you're like what the fuck, Jesus(an), this house has been on its shit for hundreds of years and you couldn't be arsed to do anything about it till today? For Stephanie?
Lookit.
A few years back, I read a horror novel for the first time since I was a kid, and I really liked it, so I wanted to get back into it, and I Googled hell of "best of" lists, mining them for suggestions. This book appeared somewhere or other, and when I read the summary, I realized I'd already seen the movie adaption, and since I'd enjoyed it, I added it to my list.
When I finally got around to reading it, I had another look at it on GR, and noticed finally that one of its top classifications among readers is as Christian Horror.
I was flummoxed.
What in the fuck was that?
I had legit never heard of it, couldn't imagine what it might entail, you know, I've heard of Christian romance, Christian drama, Christian historical fiction, blah blah Communion wafers, but horror?
As aforementioned, sin is a major theme of this book, but it's not pervasive, okay, mostly it's a bog-standard story about a bunch of dickheads fighting for their lives. They spend far more time running through tunnels than they ever do considering the state of their immortal souls, or anything that might have led them into this predicament.
I concluded, therefore, that any horror can be called Christian horror if you mention some element of Christianity at least once.
Dead Alive has a priest who kicks ass for the Lord? Christian horror.
Parts of Alice, Sweet Alice take place in a church? Christian horror.
The killer in Discopathe escapes a crime scene disguised as a nun? Christian horror.
Etc.!
In the big climax of this book, Jesus(an) gives up on these people ever figuring their shit out and just spells it out for them, and they repent, and at that point, sure, it gets kind of Christian, but in the way it's presented, it could've just as easily been a Nigerian email scam, or Herbalife.
Mostly I was just pretty annoyed by a) the implicit suggestion that you can be saved no matter how monstrous you are if you let God into your heart, and you can be the most blameless person ever born and still burn burn burn in the fiery pits of Hell if you don't, and b) the notion that Jesus(an) condemns people for our basic humanity, as if spiritual perfection is easily attainable and a requirement for salvation.
Stephanie bought a one-way ticket to Hades for eating dog food. Fuck me.
And I love Stephanie, okay? I really do. From the git-go, she was written as an intergalactic dipshit who was convinced that her lousy, insipid, cornpone, shitkicker music was going to save the world. At an early point in the book, right when everything's starting to head south at its earliest, grossest convenience, her big solution is to grin through her tears and sing for the room.
She is unsuccessful.
The book is comically mean to her, just gorgeously, obliviously mean.
Example: "Randy went then, because he knew any red-blooded male into rotten dog food would have his complete attention on Stephanie."
Example: "The other portrait was of Stephanie, posing dumbly in a yellow dress."
All it took was one bad night for Stephanie to abandon her hard-won attitude of peace and love, which you might call ironic, but the book calls progress.
That's all I have to say about that.
But then sometimes out-of-towners come by? And then the house like traps them, okay, but like only if they're atheists, or agnostic or something? And then it employs supernatural forces to confront them with their "sins"? But like in life-threatening ways, and like only overnight? And then in the morning they can repent and accept Jesus Christ as their personal saviour or else they can be brutally murdered?
And plus the rules are like vaguely Old Testament? Like Stephanie's "sin" is she's willing to eat dog food to pacify a serial killer/rapist? And Jack's "sin" is he's still mad at Stephanie like a week after their daughter drowns accidentally because Stephanie had her posing on thin ice for the 'Gram? And Leslie's "sin" is she didn't rally immediately after suffering years of childhood sexual abuse? And like we never find out what Randy supposedly did wrong, but he's kind of a fuckface, so maybe his "sin" is he's Randy?
And there's this mysterious, wise, otherworldly little girl named Susan who turns up? And she like knows the whole score? And so she like does all she can to help these jagoffs save themselves? And you like find out in the end that she's an incarnation of Jesus Christ? And so you're like what the fuck, Jesus(an), this house has been on its shit for hundreds of years and you couldn't be arsed to do anything about it till today? For Stephanie?
Lookit.
A few years back, I read a horror novel for the first time since I was a kid, and I really liked it, so I wanted to get back into it, and I Googled hell of "best of" lists, mining them for suggestions. This book appeared somewhere or other, and when I read the summary, I realized I'd already seen the movie adaption, and since I'd enjoyed it, I added it to my list.
When I finally got around to reading it, I had another look at it on GR, and noticed finally that one of its top classifications among readers is as Christian Horror.
I was flummoxed.
What in the fuck was that?
I had legit never heard of it, couldn't imagine what it might entail, you know, I've heard of Christian romance, Christian drama, Christian historical fiction, blah blah Communion wafers, but horror?
As aforementioned, sin is a major theme of this book, but it's not pervasive, okay, mostly it's a bog-standard story about a bunch of dickheads fighting for their lives. They spend far more time running through tunnels than they ever do considering the state of their immortal souls, or anything that might have led them into this predicament.
I concluded, therefore, that any horror can be called Christian horror if you mention some element of Christianity at least once.
Dead Alive has a priest who kicks ass for the Lord? Christian horror.
Parts of Alice, Sweet Alice take place in a church? Christian horror.
The killer in Discopathe escapes a crime scene disguised as a nun? Christian horror.
Etc.!
In the big climax of this book, Jesus(an) gives up on these people ever figuring their shit out and just spells it out for them, and they repent, and at that point, sure, it gets kind of Christian, but in the way it's presented, it could've just as easily been a Nigerian email scam, or Herbalife.
Mostly I was just pretty annoyed by a) the implicit suggestion that you can be saved no matter how monstrous you are if you let God into your heart, and you can be the most blameless person ever born and still burn burn burn in the fiery pits of Hell if you don't, and b) the notion that Jesus(an) condemns people for our basic humanity, as if spiritual perfection is easily attainable and a requirement for salvation.
Stephanie bought a one-way ticket to Hades for eating dog food. Fuck me.
And I love Stephanie, okay? I really do. From the git-go, she was written as an intergalactic dipshit who was convinced that her lousy, insipid, cornpone, shitkicker music was going to save the world. At an early point in the book, right when everything's starting to head south at its earliest, grossest convenience, her big solution is to grin through her tears and sing for the room.
She is unsuccessful.
The book is comically mean to her, just gorgeously, obliviously mean.
Example: "Randy went then, because he knew any red-blooded male into rotten dog food would have his complete attention on Stephanie."
Example: "The other portrait was of Stephanie, posing dumbly in a yellow dress."
All it took was one bad night for Stephanie to abandon her hard-won attitude of peace and love, which you might call ironic, but the book calls progress.
That's all I have to say about that.