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A review by lpm100
Becoming a Man: Half a Life Story by Paul Monette
3.0
Out of all the many books that I have read, a coming out memoir is not among them.
And since I have read Paul Monette before (and enjoyed his tapestries of prose), I thought I would give this one a try.
When reading a book like this (with its complicated and erudite prose) it takes a lot of thought to unpack exactly the way the one thinks about it.
Just a few random thoughts:
1. This is the second book that I have read by Monette and it seems like he is a lot more human in this book than he was in "Borrowed Time." (In the former, it made it feel like it was an end of life memoir written about his partner written with WAY too much self-absorbed breathless flaminess.)
Monette was a desperate and lonely person during his youth, and his non-acceptance of his sexuality led him to have many celibate and frustrated years.
And yet he was honest with us in showing himself honestly.
2. To go to the Ivy League/private prep schools is to live a life detached. I finished undergraduate, and my experience thereof was incomparable to what the author described in this book.
Moreover, I would never have known the people live that way unless a perceptive person like this author took the time to show this to us.
3. There are many allusions that could probably only be caught by the most well-read NON-FICTION reader. (I am well read, but not so much in nonfiction, and a lot of this went over my head.)
4. The book was a little bit on the graphic side for some of the sexual scenes (p.144).
5. I wonder if the author is just one of those types of people that will never let himself be happy, and the fact that this was centered around a very long coming out process was only coincidence.
"Masochistic Personality Disorder" popped into my mind during the many occasions where he insisted on falling in love with straight/homophobic men when there were plenty of straight acting/appearing gay men out there. (Young people have so much to choose from, and they won't even realize it until they start getting older and have less to choose from.)
To be sure, there were plenty of Down Low Men even back then (the action of this book took place mostly over the 60s), but then the author showed us just as many men who were Out and Proud even in those days--and there's no reason that the author could not have found someone with whom to have experience and a relationship without the knowledge of his family.
At one point (p.144) he hooked up with a nice looking/prodigiously endowed Navyman who shot like a gusher.
But of course, Monette had to flee right after the first encounter (literally the first time the Navyman went to the bathroom) because otherwise he might have actually seen an impulse through and found himself some type of happiness. (p.149)
It was much the same story when he met older man who had been out of the closet for many years, and he would not allow himself to pursue a relationship with him.
I get the distinct impression that if it had not been his sexual orientation, Monette would have found *something else* to torture himself about.
6. Does any man go farther than one who does not know where he is going?
Monette's periapetic existence was mildly interested to watch, but the net displacement was zero.
Some Mormon/Orthodox Jew that raises a house full of children lives a life that has been lived a million times before, but I'm certain that those people have some sense of direction and fulfillment.
7. A lot of people who make a decision on their sexuality either one way or the other, did have some number of experiences with the opposite sex, and this is very common and there are many people who I willing to be the object upon which a Sexual Orientation Questioner gets his/her experience.
8. Like attracts like. The author of this book was articulate, but loopy. If you keep finding that you attract crazy partners, you have a lot of introspection / mental health treatment to do.
-(p.252): "While I was making a snowman, she [Edie] locked herself in the bathroom and plucked out first her eyebrows then all her eyelashes, then her pubic hair. She emerged, frantic with anxiety, admitting that she had a food problem and wanted me to fasten my seatbelt. Then she proceeded to cook and eat six bags of groceries...... Every half hour so she'd go into to the bathroom and throw it all up."
-(p.250): "Justin had promised to be more committed - - something he did periodically, usually when he found he had the clap, the reasonSally gave him the nickname "disease du jour."
-(p.254): "Justin was over at Concord Avenue for the night, and he and Sally invited me to share their bed. Justin's idea, not Sally's, and not much fun either. I may love to while she sucked Justin off." (Sally is willing to be with this guy even after his designation as disease du jour? The author is willing to be with them both? It's not too surprising that he did end up perishing of AIDS.)
*******
Verdict: Just a bit too wordy, and only recommended at the price of $1 plus shipping
No discussion of how he dealt with his family.
And since I have read Paul Monette before (and enjoyed his tapestries of prose), I thought I would give this one a try.
When reading a book like this (with its complicated and erudite prose) it takes a lot of thought to unpack exactly the way the one thinks about it.
Just a few random thoughts:
1. This is the second book that I have read by Monette and it seems like he is a lot more human in this book than he was in "Borrowed Time." (In the former, it made it feel like it was an end of life memoir written about his partner written with WAY too much self-absorbed breathless flaminess.)
Monette was a desperate and lonely person during his youth, and his non-acceptance of his sexuality led him to have many celibate and frustrated years.
And yet he was honest with us in showing himself honestly.
2. To go to the Ivy League/private prep schools is to live a life detached. I finished undergraduate, and my experience thereof was incomparable to what the author described in this book.
Moreover, I would never have known the people live that way unless a perceptive person like this author took the time to show this to us.
3. There are many allusions that could probably only be caught by the most well-read NON-FICTION reader. (I am well read, but not so much in nonfiction, and a lot of this went over my head.)
4. The book was a little bit on the graphic side for some of the sexual scenes (p.144).
5. I wonder if the author is just one of those types of people that will never let himself be happy, and the fact that this was centered around a very long coming out process was only coincidence.
"Masochistic Personality Disorder" popped into my mind during the many occasions where he insisted on falling in love with straight/homophobic men when there were plenty of straight acting/appearing gay men out there. (Young people have so much to choose from, and they won't even realize it until they start getting older and have less to choose from.)
To be sure, there were plenty of Down Low Men even back then (the action of this book took place mostly over the 60s), but then the author showed us just as many men who were Out and Proud even in those days--and there's no reason that the author could not have found someone with whom to have experience and a relationship without the knowledge of his family.
At one point (p.144) he hooked up with a nice looking/prodigiously endowed Navyman who shot like a gusher.
But of course, Monette had to flee right after the first encounter (literally the first time the Navyman went to the bathroom) because otherwise he might have actually seen an impulse through and found himself some type of happiness. (p.149)
It was much the same story when he met older man who had been out of the closet for many years, and he would not allow himself to pursue a relationship with him.
I get the distinct impression that if it had not been his sexual orientation, Monette would have found *something else* to torture himself about.
6. Does any man go farther than one who does not know where he is going?
Monette's periapetic existence was mildly interested to watch, but the net displacement was zero.
Some Mormon/Orthodox Jew that raises a house full of children lives a life that has been lived a million times before, but I'm certain that those people have some sense of direction and fulfillment.
7. A lot of people who make a decision on their sexuality either one way or the other, did have some number of experiences with the opposite sex, and this is very common and there are many people who I willing to be the object upon which a Sexual Orientation Questioner gets his/her experience.
8. Like attracts like. The author of this book was articulate, but loopy. If you keep finding that you attract crazy partners, you have a lot of introspection / mental health treatment to do.
-(p.252): "While I was making a snowman, she [Edie] locked herself in the bathroom and plucked out first her eyebrows then all her eyelashes, then her pubic hair. She emerged, frantic with anxiety, admitting that she had a food problem and wanted me to fasten my seatbelt. Then she proceeded to cook and eat six bags of groceries...... Every half hour so she'd go into to the bathroom and throw it all up."
-(p.250): "Justin had promised to be more committed - - something he did periodically, usually when he found he had the clap, the reasonSally gave him the nickname "disease du jour."
-(p.254): "Justin was over at Concord Avenue for the night, and he and Sally invited me to share their bed. Justin's idea, not Sally's, and not much fun either. I may love to while she sucked Justin off." (Sally is willing to be with this guy even after his designation as disease du jour? The author is willing to be with them both? It's not too surprising that he did end up perishing of AIDS.)
*******
Verdict: Just a bit too wordy, and only recommended at the price of $1 plus shipping
No discussion of how he dealt with his family.