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A review by tsushimashu
Self-Portraits by Osamu Dazai
5.0
a large collection of 18 short stories by osamu dazai that are much more personal than his previously released works of literature. these cast a light on more of what his internal struggles, and enjoyments, though scarce, were as he went through everyday life before ultimately killing himself.
my elder brothers:
a very strong start to this collection of stories, this short story slapped me again and again with the realization of "hes never really been genuinely happy". it sheds light upon the more personal side of dazai and his family life, which had scarcely been explored before.
"i, for one, far from standing, feel as if im about to collapse. i no longer have a tangible sense that my life is worth living."
train:
train didnt have as much of a pull as his other stories do, but its not objectively bad. i can relate to how he feels unable to speak, but unable to sit comfortably in silence. in this story, he briefly describes themes of the heartbreak that trains cause and the separation it resembles. dazai relates a bitter experience he has had with a train.
"you've said all you have to say and can do nothing but gaze helplessly at each other. and in this case it was even worse, because i hadn't been able to come up with a single thing to say in the first place."
female:
dazai and a friend are discussing what their ideal woman is, but dazai begins to take his story down an eerily realistic path that he knows all too well. his friend catches on and realizes that the hypothetical situation dazai is telling is actually the truth, and an experience he has gone through in his past. i believe that the girl he's talking about in his "hypothetical" encounter is the same person that tsuneko, from no longer human, represents. this was a really strong story and i could relate to it as well, what with how i tend to find myself connecting my past to everything from that moment on, am constantly haunted by it, and am unable to even take a break and discuss a light topic with a friend without thinking of it.
"she was killed simply because she turned over in bed. i didn't die. seven years have passed and i'm still alive."
seascape with figures in gold:
this story caused me so much grief and i am so upset. its hard to put into words how this story made me feel, but its absolutely a masterpiece; its crushing. this story describes how as a child, he had been needlessly rude and insensitive to his maid, okei, and how years later he finally lays eyes upon her again and realizes how purely happy she is compared to the depressing state that he is in. the realization of his fall from grace is suffocating and shoved into his face as he comes face to face with the despair and utter hopelessness of his life.
"you lose, i told myself, and i was glad of it, i wouldnt have had it any other way. that victory of theirs illuminated the road i must walk tomorrow."
no kidding:
i was doing ok with this story until the last page and it felt like a punch in the gut. this is a very short story about a trick that dazai plays on a young man. he gets the man to give him some cash, and then dazai thanks him and plans on paying his rent with the money. this single interaction had caused him to postpone his suicide for one more month.
"my white yukata was already out of season, and i felt horribly conspicuous, as if i glowed in the dark, and so full of sorrow i no longer wanted to live."
a promise fulfilled:
this was only a few pages long, but it is a great story nonetheless. the mc notices the soft and humble beauty of a woman whom he has frequently seen in a very melancholic and gloomy mood. he reflects on how much suffering she went through those three years. i think this story is really beautiful because it notices the subtle and beautiful things in life, like a womans serene happiness after a period of hardship. it makes me really happy.
"My monotheistic belief in the deity we call Love."
100 views of mount fuji:
this is a nice story but it just didnt stick out to me very much. it describes dazai and his connection to mt fuji, a famous mountain in japan. despite his dislike and annoyance towards the mountain, in the end he realizes its always been a comfort to him and hes glad to have had it as a presence in his life.
"I found myself holding it in contempt. It's too perfect."
i can speak:
this story is about a short interaction that dazai overheard outside his window. while writing stories, he hears a woman singing in a chorus in the boarding house nextdoor and wishes to thank her for helping him through his misery. one night, he hears a womans little brother speaking to her, saying that he can speak english. this simple sentence, "i can speak", leaves a profound impact on dazai and he finds the motivation to continue going on. though trivial, it's a scene he'll find difficult to forget. this was really relatable to me, because i too find inspiration in random things.
"agony is the night of submission. the morning of resignation. what is life--the struggle to surrender? the endurance of misery? thus youth is eaten by the worm, and happiness is said to be found in squalid alleyways."
a little beauty:
this story had a lot of potential but his statements about the young girl were a little uncomfortable. he says that he's simply admiring the aesthetic beauty of the girls body because theyre in the same bathhouse, but the way he focuses on her breasts is icky. at least he recognizes his faults and apologizes for it. trying to look past the thing about her being young, the way he describes the raw beauty of the human body is something that i think of often and to me its the peak form of art. even in this story, there is a continued theme of being disqualified from life, which i always enjoy because i resonate with it so deeply.
"something worthy of truly dispassionate, almost sublime, aesthetic appreciation."
canis familiaris:
the story canis familiaris is about how dazai dislikes dogs, due to his fear of them, and then he starts to actually care for this dog that he took in. i really liked this silly little story. his hatred for dogs seems similar to his fear of humans; hes unable to understand them and thus fears them, dog psychology is even more confusing than humans, and this fear is so intense it becomes hatred.
"the more i think about dogs, the more disgusting they seem. dogs are repulsive. they remind me of myself in some ways, and that only repulses me all the more. i cant stand dogs. how, then, to describe what i felt when these very beasts decided to take a particular liking to me and began rolling up with wagging tails and lavish displays of affection?"
thinking of zenzo:
i loved this story but i felt so sad. thinking of zenzo was a very emotional and vulnerable story, describing how he revisits his home town and ends up humiliating himself. after he fails to keep himself in check and ultimately loses all self control, he drowns himself in alcohol, reveling in his shame and welcoming it because he knows that i of its what he deserves. this stories dives into the complicated relationship between dazai and his hometown, tsugaru. another one of dazai's painful masterpieces and a favorite of mine.
"it saddened me to think how vexed and mortified my mother and eldest brother would be if they could have seen me at that moment, but my brakes had failed completely. i just kept drinking. i was positively infantile."
eight views of tokyo:
eight views of tokyo felt like a direct excerpt from no longer human; the mood of the story, the themes, the writing style, it is all extremely similar and for this reason it's one of my favorites. i felt nauseous and sick and it just kept getting worse and worse. this is one of the more hopeless and despair riddled stories of this collection, and, as expected of dazai, its a good one. a really good one. this story seemed to be even more personal, raw, and vulnerable than no longer human at some points. it includes much more detail and just barely counts as fiction in my eyes what with how insanely similar it is to his own life, with very few details actually fictional. a definite favorite.
"what had i done to repay him for all his affection but toy with my own life in a reckless manner?"
early light:
this is a story about his families experience during the bombings in tokyo. i think it was a really interesting story because he rarely writes about his family life, so i was seeing a new side of dazai for the first time. we get to see who he is as a father and husband.
"having survived so much adversity, even i felt a desire to go on living a bit longer, if only to see how things would turn out with the world."
garden:
i really enjoyed this story! garden is about the aftermath of their evacuation from the bombing; dazai and his family go to his old house in tsugaru, where his eldest brother was in charge of the household due to his parents already having passed on. this focuses more on his relationship with his brother, and by displaying their differing views of the beauty of a garden we can see the isolation of dazai from the rest of the world once again.
"i, even at my age, was still young. i still likd old, untended gardens overgrown with weeds."
two little words:
though not a favorite of mine, it's not objectively bad. dazai frequently heads to the post office and meets an old man there, who always withdraws forty yen from his dead daughters account to pay for alcohol every day. one day, the old man deposits money, but right afterwards, dazai withdraws some. the money he received was none other than the same stack of bills that the old man had just deposited, and he felt extremely guilty. dazai tells this story to his wife, but she cuts him off and says that hes simply lying and making up another story like whenever hes ashamed of himself.
""Those two little words: 'Papa'."
So says the father who can't read or write."
merry christmas:
in this story, he describes how he meets up with a girl he used to know, and he founds out her mother is dead. they go out and eat food together, and pretend her mother is with them. its a sentimental and short story, showcasing the caring nature of dazai that he constantly fails to notice. he also explores the themes of how it feels like nothing ever changes, even when the knowledge of the death of someone he used to know is shoved into his face, he still firmly feels like everything is the same as it once was; a fossilized city.
"Tokyo is still the same. It hasn't changed a bit."
handsome devils and cigarettes:
as dazai visits the children in the slums for a feature in a magazine, he thinks about how easily people can fall into despair and end up lying in an underpass. when he shows his wife a picture that the reporters took of him and the "bums", his wife mistakes him for one of the bums. the comedic tragedy in this one scene is jaw dropping. a favorite of mine.
"I had no choice but to continue drinking my cheap liquor and fighting my losing battle."
cherries:
here is another story focusing on his family life; it describes the differences and disputes that set him apart from the rest of his family and his wife. dazai explores the themes of whether the parent or the child is more important, ultimately deciding that it is the parent, because they are weaker.
"But you're not the only one who's crying. I worry as much about the children as you do. My home and family are important to me. When one of the children comes out with a peculiar sounding cough in the middle of the night, I always wake and begin to fret. I'd love nothing better than to please you and the children by moving into a somewhat nicer house, but it's just not within my reach. I'm doing my utmost as it is. I'm not some cold, brutal demon."
my elder brothers:
a very strong start to this collection of stories, this short story slapped me again and again with the realization of "hes never really been genuinely happy". it sheds light upon the more personal side of dazai and his family life, which had scarcely been explored before.
"i, for one, far from standing, feel as if im about to collapse. i no longer have a tangible sense that my life is worth living."
train:
train didnt have as much of a pull as his other stories do, but its not objectively bad. i can relate to how he feels unable to speak, but unable to sit comfortably in silence. in this story, he briefly describes themes of the heartbreak that trains cause and the separation it resembles. dazai relates a bitter experience he has had with a train.
"you've said all you have to say and can do nothing but gaze helplessly at each other. and in this case it was even worse, because i hadn't been able to come up with a single thing to say in the first place."
female:
dazai and a friend are discussing what their ideal woman is, but dazai begins to take his story down an eerily realistic path that he knows all too well. his friend catches on and realizes that the hypothetical situation dazai is telling is actually the truth, and an experience he has gone through in his past. i believe that the girl he's talking about in his "hypothetical" encounter is the same person that tsuneko, from no longer human, represents. this was a really strong story and i could relate to it as well, what with how i tend to find myself connecting my past to everything from that moment on, am constantly haunted by it, and am unable to even take a break and discuss a light topic with a friend without thinking of it.
"she was killed simply because she turned over in bed. i didn't die. seven years have passed and i'm still alive."
seascape with figures in gold:
this story caused me so much grief and i am so upset. its hard to put into words how this story made me feel, but its absolutely a masterpiece; its crushing. this story describes how as a child, he had been needlessly rude and insensitive to his maid, okei, and how years later he finally lays eyes upon her again and realizes how purely happy she is compared to the depressing state that he is in. the realization of his fall from grace is suffocating and shoved into his face as he comes face to face with the despair and utter hopelessness of his life.
"you lose, i told myself, and i was glad of it, i wouldnt have had it any other way. that victory of theirs illuminated the road i must walk tomorrow."
no kidding:
i was doing ok with this story until the last page and it felt like a punch in the gut. this is a very short story about a trick that dazai plays on a young man. he gets the man to give him some cash, and then dazai thanks him and plans on paying his rent with the money. this single interaction had caused him to postpone his suicide for one more month.
"my white yukata was already out of season, and i felt horribly conspicuous, as if i glowed in the dark, and so full of sorrow i no longer wanted to live."
a promise fulfilled:
this was only a few pages long, but it is a great story nonetheless. the mc notices the soft and humble beauty of a woman whom he has frequently seen in a very melancholic and gloomy mood. he reflects on how much suffering she went through those three years. i think this story is really beautiful because it notices the subtle and beautiful things in life, like a womans serene happiness after a period of hardship. it makes me really happy.
"My monotheistic belief in the deity we call Love."
100 views of mount fuji:
this is a nice story but it just didnt stick out to me very much. it describes dazai and his connection to mt fuji, a famous mountain in japan. despite his dislike and annoyance towards the mountain, in the end he realizes its always been a comfort to him and hes glad to have had it as a presence in his life.
"I found myself holding it in contempt. It's too perfect."
i can speak:
this story is about a short interaction that dazai overheard outside his window. while writing stories, he hears a woman singing in a chorus in the boarding house nextdoor and wishes to thank her for helping him through his misery. one night, he hears a womans little brother speaking to her, saying that he can speak english. this simple sentence, "i can speak", leaves a profound impact on dazai and he finds the motivation to continue going on. though trivial, it's a scene he'll find difficult to forget. this was really relatable to me, because i too find inspiration in random things.
"agony is the night of submission. the morning of resignation. what is life--the struggle to surrender? the endurance of misery? thus youth is eaten by the worm, and happiness is said to be found in squalid alleyways."
a little beauty:
this story had a lot of potential but his statements about the young girl were a little uncomfortable. he says that he's simply admiring the aesthetic beauty of the girls body because theyre in the same bathhouse, but the way he focuses on her breasts is icky. at least he recognizes his faults and apologizes for it. trying to look past the thing about her being young, the way he describes the raw beauty of the human body is something that i think of often and to me its the peak form of art. even in this story, there is a continued theme of being disqualified from life, which i always enjoy because i resonate with it so deeply.
"something worthy of truly dispassionate, almost sublime, aesthetic appreciation."
canis familiaris:
the story canis familiaris is about how dazai dislikes dogs, due to his fear of them, and then he starts to actually care for this dog that he took in. i really liked this silly little story. his hatred for dogs seems similar to his fear of humans; hes unable to understand them and thus fears them, dog psychology is even more confusing than humans, and this fear is so intense it becomes hatred.
"the more i think about dogs, the more disgusting they seem. dogs are repulsive. they remind me of myself in some ways, and that only repulses me all the more. i cant stand dogs. how, then, to describe what i felt when these very beasts decided to take a particular liking to me and began rolling up with wagging tails and lavish displays of affection?"
thinking of zenzo:
i loved this story but i felt so sad. thinking of zenzo was a very emotional and vulnerable story, describing how he revisits his home town and ends up humiliating himself. after he fails to keep himself in check and ultimately loses all self control, he drowns himself in alcohol, reveling in his shame and welcoming it because he knows that i of its what he deserves. this stories dives into the complicated relationship between dazai and his hometown, tsugaru. another one of dazai's painful masterpieces and a favorite of mine.
"it saddened me to think how vexed and mortified my mother and eldest brother would be if they could have seen me at that moment, but my brakes had failed completely. i just kept drinking. i was positively infantile."
eight views of tokyo:
eight views of tokyo felt like a direct excerpt from no longer human; the mood of the story, the themes, the writing style, it is all extremely similar and for this reason it's one of my favorites. i felt nauseous and sick and it just kept getting worse and worse. this is one of the more hopeless and despair riddled stories of this collection, and, as expected of dazai, its a good one. a really good one. this story seemed to be even more personal, raw, and vulnerable than no longer human at some points. it includes much more detail and just barely counts as fiction in my eyes what with how insanely similar it is to his own life, with very few details actually fictional. a definite favorite.
"what had i done to repay him for all his affection but toy with my own life in a reckless manner?"
early light:
this is a story about his families experience during the bombings in tokyo. i think it was a really interesting story because he rarely writes about his family life, so i was seeing a new side of dazai for the first time. we get to see who he is as a father and husband.
"having survived so much adversity, even i felt a desire to go on living a bit longer, if only to see how things would turn out with the world."
garden:
i really enjoyed this story! garden is about the aftermath of their evacuation from the bombing; dazai and his family go to his old house in tsugaru, where his eldest brother was in charge of the household due to his parents already having passed on. this focuses more on his relationship with his brother, and by displaying their differing views of the beauty of a garden we can see the isolation of dazai from the rest of the world once again.
"i, even at my age, was still young. i still likd old, untended gardens overgrown with weeds."
two little words:
though not a favorite of mine, it's not objectively bad. dazai frequently heads to the post office and meets an old man there, who always withdraws forty yen from his dead daughters account to pay for alcohol every day. one day, the old man deposits money, but right afterwards, dazai withdraws some. the money he received was none other than the same stack of bills that the old man had just deposited, and he felt extremely guilty. dazai tells this story to his wife, but she cuts him off and says that hes simply lying and making up another story like whenever hes ashamed of himself.
""Those two little words: 'Papa'."
So says the father who can't read or write."
merry christmas:
in this story, he describes how he meets up with a girl he used to know, and he founds out her mother is dead. they go out and eat food together, and pretend her mother is with them. its a sentimental and short story, showcasing the caring nature of dazai that he constantly fails to notice. he also explores the themes of how it feels like nothing ever changes, even when the knowledge of the death of someone he used to know is shoved into his face, he still firmly feels like everything is the same as it once was; a fossilized city.
"Tokyo is still the same. It hasn't changed a bit."
handsome devils and cigarettes:
as dazai visits the children in the slums for a feature in a magazine, he thinks about how easily people can fall into despair and end up lying in an underpass. when he shows his wife a picture that the reporters took of him and the "bums", his wife mistakes him for one of the bums. the comedic tragedy in this one scene is jaw dropping. a favorite of mine.
"I had no choice but to continue drinking my cheap liquor and fighting my losing battle."
cherries:
here is another story focusing on his family life; it describes the differences and disputes that set him apart from the rest of his family and his wife. dazai explores the themes of whether the parent or the child is more important, ultimately deciding that it is the parent, because they are weaker.
"But you're not the only one who's crying. I worry as much about the children as you do. My home and family are important to me. When one of the children comes out with a peculiar sounding cough in the middle of the night, I always wake and begin to fret. I'd love nothing better than to please you and the children by moving into a somewhat nicer house, but it's just not within my reach. I'm doing my utmost as it is. I'm not some cold, brutal demon."