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A review by xelasrecords
Acts of Desperation by Megan Nolan
challenging
dark
reflective
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
You hate me, I thought sometimes, when you see me drink or cry or cut myself, but you don’t hate me in the right way. Your disgust is domesticated. I fear that your distaste is that of your average husband – not the glittering and sexual kind you used to show me when you looked down at me, before I won you.
The unnamed early twentysomething narrator goes through a turbulent relationship with a closed-off man who treats her like she's nothing and she believes him. She's naive, moony and defines her life through Ciaran; she segregates it as "before Ciaran" where everything is grey and lacking, and "after" where love explodes her life into a beautiful supernova.
If you've ever been in a relationship where you feel like you have to constantly beg for even the most meagre attention from your partner and never know where you stand on their priority list, but you can't tell anyone because you don't know how to explain it without being criticised because you still love your partner above all... watch out. This book will give you a war flashback. But read it anyway. You might feel understood by how detailed Megan Nolan writes the emotions and insecurities that aren't always easy to admit.
This book feels intimate, like I'm reading someone's diary. The feelings and the observations of them are so precise that I can resonate with them deeply. While I never went through her specific experiences, I've felt the torture of being desperate to be seen as a newly adult woman. I had to pause every few chapters to avoid overwhelming my psyche.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Self harm, Emotional abuse, and Eating disorder