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A review by helendipietro
The Joy of Being Selfish: Why you need boundaries and how to set them by Michelle Elman
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
5.0
This book is truly brilliant; I got a lot from reading Elman’s take on boundaries and have integrated her advice into my life already - a strong sign of a great self-help book! You will come away feeling very reflective about your own boundaries and how they’ve influenced past events in your life. Plus the book is filled with conversation tips and actionable steps to help you along the way.
Michelle Elman has written a practical and inspiring guide that will force you to see the importance of setting good boundaries, how there is huge joy in looking after yourself and how being selfish with your time and energy brings huge benefits. Her advice was similar to Johann Hari’s writing in ‘Stolen Focus’ - our society glorifies being busy, being connected, never stopping. Our productivity is heavily connected to our own self-worth that when we eventually stop we have to process feelings of guilt and shame not helped by our technological devices.
Elman says that boundaries are a vital way of protecting ourselves from manipulation, gaslighting, disrespect and abuse so it seems crucial for us to learn how to set good boundaries with the people around us. She shines a light on the importance of childhood highlighting how we are told from a very young age (from the messages around us) that our needs come second - particularly women and the message that we should be selfless in all that we do. Give give give.
I also loved her words on emotions: “All emotions are natural, human and healthy. It’s the way that we are taught to handle them that makes them unhealthy.” (pg.57) which made me reflect on my teaching practice because in schools today they still use the wording positive and negative emotions.
Anyway off to plan my dates with myself x
Michelle Elman has written a practical and inspiring guide that will force you to see the importance of setting good boundaries, how there is huge joy in looking after yourself and how being selfish with your time and energy brings huge benefits. Her advice was similar to Johann Hari’s writing in ‘Stolen Focus’ - our society glorifies being busy, being connected, never stopping. Our productivity is heavily connected to our own self-worth that when we eventually stop we have to process feelings of guilt and shame not helped by our technological devices.
Elman says that boundaries are a vital way of protecting ourselves from manipulation, gaslighting, disrespect and abuse so it seems crucial for us to learn how to set good boundaries with the people around us. She shines a light on the importance of childhood highlighting how we are told from a very young age (from the messages around us) that our needs come second - particularly women and the message that we should be selfless in all that we do. Give give give.
I also loved her words on emotions: “All emotions are natural, human and healthy. It’s the way that we are taught to handle them that makes them unhealthy.” (pg.57) which made me reflect on my teaching practice because in schools today they still use the wording positive and negative emotions.
Anyway off to plan my dates with myself x