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A review by dessy331
Unbecoming by Jenny Downham
5.0
This was a hard one for me. Unexpectedly so. Which, really shoulda seen that one coming; parent/child relationships in stories tend to tug at my heartstrings more than anything else. So yeah, this was a tough one.
I was hoping that there would be more focus on Katie's romance but sadly, no. Even when it was in focus, I think it was more about Katie's feelings than the relationship in general. Which is fair enough, this book is about so much more than just one single aspect. Unfortunately that one single aspect is the most important to me in picking this book up. Simona bothered me at parts, she was a bit too harsh and quick to anger for my taste. I thought Katie obviously deserved much more sympathy than she was given, considering Simona had been in her shoes and could quite clearly see how much Katie was struggling and obviously needed a friend who understood. Not someone who would tease her into admitting something when she obviously wasn't ready and then getting pissed off when Katie predictably ran away. It's not that I don't think she has a right to be upset, she does, it's just that she handled it with such coldness and a blatant lack of empathy for someone who was just like her. Katie needed understanding and a safe place to talk through her feelings, not to be kissed and then dumped when she couldn't handle the pressure of being open and proud after 2.5 seconds of admitting that you kinda, maybe, might be gay, possibly. But anyway. They were nice together at times, I thought Katie was really sweet and relatable. I was rooting for her the whole way through. I thought this book handled Katie's dealing with her sexuality well and pretty authentically. There was a few parts where I was like "Yes! That was me! SAME!" So that's nice. I feel like it was a little unrealistic of her to be in denial so long, until the very last minute when she handed her mother the book, but that's just my opinion. Also, her relationship with Mary is the most heartwarming thing I think I've ever read.
Mary's story was, maybe surprisingly, the part that I was captivated by the most. She is such a complex and extraordinary (but flawed) woman and I loved hearing about her stories. I wasn't bored at all. In fact, I wanted to learn about her past and got more and more interested as the story unfolded. I can't say I'm super fond of Pat, but perhaps I'm missing a point there, that they're both flawed in their own ways - but I just can't like her. Maybe it's the Katie in me, I dunno. I really felt for Mary, my heart broke when the truth about her and Caroline came out, she really loved her daughter and her family so much. Her father made me so goddamn angry, though. Who calls their daughter a slut and shames her so much and shuns her for kissing boys and wearing lipstick and getting pregnant? That is not a parent, that is a dictator. I'm literally appalled at how women used to be policed by their families and society and themselves in the past, I mean it's hard enough now as it is.
Caroline was aggravating at parts but I didn't dislike her. I think she was a frustrating mom, but ultimately a good one. I really felt for Katie dealing with her, if she hadn't been such a caring person, she might have lost her kids because of what she was inadvertently doing to them. Parents can really screw their kids up if they're not careful, this book is a gigantic example of that.
I also thought Chris was a nice character. I liked his small character arc at the end and how everyone gained a little freedom, in a way. I can't speak for how sensitively his character was portrayed or how well the representation is for people with special needs (sorry if that's not the appropriate term, the book wasn't specific on what Chris has). I liked his relationship with Katie, it was really sweet, though they did fight a lot.
I think this was a really beautiful and powerful story. The characters felt real and not over-dramatized. I understood each character's motivations and how they got to that place, even if I didn't necessarily agree with them. This book made me think of family; it struck me in such a personal way, I couldn't tell you how many times I teared up while reading. It was probably silly of me, it's not that gut-wrenching of a book. I mean, yes, it is a sad, heartbreaking story with Mary's illness and the family problems. But anyway. I'm a crybaby. Literally present me with any even slightly dysfunctional parent/child relationships in books and I'm already bawling before anyone has even spoken. They just get to me, I don't know what it is lol
I think the take-home message from this book is: living for other people and solely for other people will bring you nothing but unhappiness, as well as living for yourself and only for yourself will just bring you emptiness and longing. There's a balance that has to be found, where you don't compromise your happiness and who you are and don't forget other people and their feelings in the process.
I would definitely recommend this one.
I was hoping that there would be more focus on Katie's romance but sadly, no. Even when it was in focus, I think it was more about Katie's feelings than the relationship in general. Which is fair enough, this book is about so much more than just one single aspect. Unfortunately that one single aspect is the most important to me in picking this book up. Simona bothered me at parts, she was a bit too harsh and quick to anger for my taste. I thought Katie obviously deserved much more sympathy than she was given, considering Simona had been in her shoes and could quite clearly see how much Katie was struggling and obviously needed a friend who understood. Not someone who would tease her into admitting something when she obviously wasn't ready and then getting pissed off when Katie predictably ran away. It's not that I don't think she has a right to be upset, she does, it's just that she handled it with such coldness and a blatant lack of empathy for someone who was just like her. Katie needed understanding and a safe place to talk through her feelings, not to be kissed and then dumped when she couldn't handle the pressure of being open and proud after 2.5 seconds of admitting that you kinda, maybe, might be gay, possibly. But anyway. They were nice together at times, I thought Katie was really sweet and relatable. I was rooting for her the whole way through. I thought this book handled Katie's dealing with her sexuality well and pretty authentically. There was a few parts where I was like "Yes! That was me! SAME!" So that's nice. I feel like it was a little unrealistic of her to be in denial so long, until the very last minute when she handed her mother the book, but that's just my opinion. Also, her relationship with Mary is the most heartwarming thing I think I've ever read.
Mary's story was, maybe surprisingly, the part that I was captivated by the most. She is such a complex and extraordinary (but flawed) woman and I loved hearing about her stories. I wasn't bored at all. In fact, I wanted to learn about her past and got more and more interested as the story unfolded. I can't say I'm super fond of Pat, but perhaps I'm missing a point there, that they're both flawed in their own ways - but I just can't like her. Maybe it's the Katie in me, I dunno. I really felt for Mary, my heart broke when the truth about her and Caroline came out, she really loved her daughter and her family so much. Her father made me so goddamn angry, though. Who calls their daughter a slut and shames her so much and shuns her for kissing boys and wearing lipstick and getting pregnant? That is not a parent, that is a dictator. I'm literally appalled at how women used to be policed by their families and society and themselves in the past, I mean it's hard enough now as it is.
Caroline was aggravating at parts but I didn't dislike her. I think she was a frustrating mom, but ultimately a good one. I really felt for Katie dealing with her, if she hadn't been such a caring person, she might have lost her kids because of what she was inadvertently doing to them. Parents can really screw their kids up if they're not careful, this book is a gigantic example of that.
I also thought Chris was a nice character. I liked his small character arc at the end and how everyone gained a little freedom, in a way. I can't speak for how sensitively his character was portrayed or how well the representation is for people with special needs (sorry if that's not the appropriate term, the book wasn't specific on what Chris has). I liked his relationship with Katie, it was really sweet, though they did fight a lot.
I think this was a really beautiful and powerful story. The characters felt real and not over-dramatized. I understood each character's motivations and how they got to that place, even if I didn't necessarily agree with them. This book made me think of family; it struck me in such a personal way, I couldn't tell you how many times I teared up while reading. It was probably silly of me, it's not that gut-wrenching of a book. I mean, yes, it is a sad, heartbreaking story with Mary's illness and the family problems. But anyway. I'm a crybaby. Literally present me with any even slightly dysfunctional parent/child relationships in books and I'm already bawling before anyone has even spoken. They just get to me, I don't know what it is lol
I think the take-home message from this book is: living for other people and solely for other people will bring you nothing but unhappiness, as well as living for yourself and only for yourself will just bring you emptiness and longing. There's a balance that has to be found, where you don't compromise your happiness and who you are and don't forget other people and their feelings in the process.
I would definitely recommend this one.