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msavagewriting 's review for:
It Ends with Us
by Colleen Hoover
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Plot
Strong character development:
Complicated
Loveable characters:
No
Diverse cast of characters:
No
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
Yikes.
Listen, I've been on the internet. I've heard the Colleen Hoover drama. I've heard the drama surrounding the movie. I had a feeling I wouldn't be a fan, but I think it's important for people to form their opinions based on their own experience, not the experiences of others. Just because everyone else hates it doesn't mean I will. Just because other people say the writing is bad doesn't mean I will think that, also. Well, jokes on me, because I thought all of those things.
I'm sure many haters have used the line "When he was wiping cow shit on me, it was quite possibly the most turned-on I have every been" as an example of her questionable writing, but trust me when I say that that's not the only example in this book. Most of my annotations are "What?", "Yikes", "Girl be for real", or "I hate him".
The author's not in the back of the book describes Hoover's inspiration for the novel--her own parents--and what she hoped to get across through the story of Lily and Ryle. But I don't think she succeeded. Sure, Lily leaves Ryle at the end, but she also allows Ryle to have a relationship with her daughter after her raped her. Now you may be asking yourself, "Wait, he raped her? I thought he just got close but didn't." Personally, I see Lily's refusal to take the exam as implication that he did, in fact, rape her, and that she didn't want that confirmation. She wanted to pretend he hadn't after he beat her so hard she passed out. But who am I to say? I'm just the reader.
A big message of the book is that we can't judge people that are in a situation that we have never been in. How could we possibly know how we would react if someone we loved beat us? Let me tell you--I love my husband dearly. He's my favorite person in the world. My best friend. And he loves me (like really loves me, he doesn't say he loves me and then shoves me down the stairs). If he ever laid a hand on me, I am leaving and I am never looking back. What do you mean you can't just stop your feelings when someone beats the shit out of you??? What??? I don't know how y'all's emotions work, but mine are not so solid that I can't cut them off when someone nearly kills me.
I have seen abusive relationships in my childhood. Never would I blame the victim of domestic violence. That's insane. But, I will try to reason with them. Hoover mentions that outsiders are always asking the woman "Why not leave?" but they aren't asking the men "Why did you hit her?" Use your brain, Colleen. I'm not asking the man why he hit his wife because there is no excuse, no reasoning, that makes sense. No words I want to hear from him. You hit your spouse, you're a monster and I hate you. I will reason with the woman. I will beg her to leave. I will question why she doesn't. Because I can never fathom why she would want to stay. Now, of course, I understand there are situations where a woman is unable to leave. She doesn't have support, she doesn't have the finances. But I think that's why it's important for us outsiders to be that support. To recognize what is happening and help. Ryle's sister witnessed the aftermath of him pushing Lily down the stairs, said "What did you do to her?" and instead of helping Lily she just made Ryle tell her some tragic childhood backstory? As if that excuses his actions??
And I am SO SICK of the narrative that the people who do these crimes are "monsters". That they "aren't themselves" when they do these things. Fuck. That. PEOPLE do these things, not monsters. Your son, your brother, your husband. Some demon hasn't possessed them. They haven't made a "mistake". Sorry. My husband makes mistakes sometimes. He forgets to run the dishwasher before he goes to sleep for the night. He feeds the dogs dinner when I already fed them dinner. He forgets to take his vitamins in the morning. THOSE are mistakes. CHOOSING to beat someone up is not a mistake. If Ryle was in therapy since he was SIX YEARS OLD and STILL can't control his emotions then 1. Get a new therapist and 2. Don't get into a relationship you selfish piece of shit.
"There is no such thing as bad people. We're all just people who sometimes do bad things." Hmm, sounds like something a bad person would say.
Call me judgmental, I don't care. I have witnessed terrible terrible acts in my life. I have been the victim of terrible acts. There are bad people. Some have rotten hearts and rotten souls. Some acts are so terrible that the people who commit them cannot be redeemed. The messages in this book are harmful, frankly. And the writing is just poor. I can't recommend this to anyone. I am sure there are much better books to read about domestic violence, if you so choose to find them.
Listen, I've been on the internet. I've heard the Colleen Hoover drama. I've heard the drama surrounding the movie. I had a feeling I wouldn't be a fan, but I think it's important for people to form their opinions based on their own experience, not the experiences of others. Just because everyone else hates it doesn't mean I will. Just because other people say the writing is bad doesn't mean I will think that, also. Well, jokes on me, because I thought all of those things.
I'm sure many haters have used the line "When he was wiping cow shit on me, it was quite possibly the most turned-on I have every been" as an example of her questionable writing, but trust me when I say that that's not the only example in this book. Most of my annotations are "What?", "Yikes", "Girl be for real", or "I hate him".
The author's not in the back of the book describes Hoover's inspiration for the novel--her own parents--and what she hoped to get across through the story of Lily and Ryle. But I don't think she succeeded. Sure, Lily leaves Ryle at the end, but she also allows Ryle to have a relationship with her daughter after her raped her. Now you may be asking yourself, "Wait, he raped her? I thought he just got close but didn't." Personally, I see Lily's refusal to take the exam as implication that he did, in fact, rape her, and that she didn't want that confirmation. She wanted to pretend he hadn't after he beat her so hard she passed out. But who am I to say? I'm just the reader.
A big message of the book is that we can't judge people that are in a situation that we have never been in. How could we possibly know how we would react if someone we loved beat us? Let me tell you--I love my husband dearly. He's my favorite person in the world. My best friend. And he loves me (like really loves me, he doesn't say he loves me and then shoves me down the stairs). If he ever laid a hand on me, I am leaving and I am never looking back. What do you mean you can't just stop your feelings when someone beats the shit out of you??? What??? I don't know how y'all's emotions work, but mine are not so solid that I can't cut them off when someone nearly kills me.
I have seen abusive relationships in my childhood. Never would I blame the victim of domestic violence. That's insane. But, I will try to reason with them. Hoover mentions that outsiders are always asking the woman "Why not leave?" but they aren't asking the men "Why did you hit her?" Use your brain, Colleen. I'm not asking the man why he hit his wife because there is no excuse, no reasoning, that makes sense. No words I want to hear from him. You hit your spouse, you're a monster and I hate you. I will reason with the woman. I will beg her to leave. I will question why she doesn't. Because I can never fathom why she would want to stay. Now, of course, I understand there are situations where a woman is unable to leave. She doesn't have support, she doesn't have the finances. But I think that's why it's important for us outsiders to be that support. To recognize what is happening and help. Ryle's sister witnessed the aftermath of him pushing Lily down the stairs, said "What did you do to her?" and instead of helping Lily she just made Ryle tell her some tragic childhood backstory? As if that excuses his actions??
And I am SO SICK of the narrative that the people who do these crimes are "monsters". That they "aren't themselves" when they do these things. Fuck. That. PEOPLE do these things, not monsters. Your son, your brother, your husband. Some demon hasn't possessed them. They haven't made a "mistake". Sorry. My husband makes mistakes sometimes. He forgets to run the dishwasher before he goes to sleep for the night. He feeds the dogs dinner when I already fed them dinner. He forgets to take his vitamins in the morning. THOSE are mistakes. CHOOSING to beat someone up is not a mistake. If Ryle was in therapy since he was SIX YEARS OLD and STILL can't control his emotions then 1. Get a new therapist and 2. Don't get into a relationship you selfish piece of shit.
"There is no such thing as bad people. We're all just people who sometimes do bad things." Hmm, sounds like something a bad person would say.
Call me judgmental, I don't care. I have witnessed terrible terrible acts in my life. I have been the victim of terrible acts. There are bad people. Some have rotten hearts and rotten souls. Some acts are so terrible that the people who commit them cannot be redeemed. The messages in this book are harmful, frankly. And the writing is just poor. I can't recommend this to anyone. I am sure there are much better books to read about domestic violence, if you so choose to find them.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Domestic abuse, Rape, Toxic relationship, Violence
Minor: Suicide, Death of parent, Classism