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A review by lory_enterenchanted
Outofshapeworthlessloser: A Memoir of Figure Skating, F*cking Up, and Figuring It Out by Gracie Gold
challenging
dark
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
sad
tense
3.5
This was a disturbing read, not just because the things that happened to Gracie Gold were disturbing, but because the book seems to have been rushed into production before she truly processed and healed from all of that. Granted, the situation is so overwhelming and so complicated that one probably never completely heals from such things. But a lot of the writing, in its raw, unfiltered nature, was more suitable for therapy than for publication -- when all she can say about her father is that he is a monster and she hates him, for example. That's so important to get out into the open, but is it necessary to publish? I wonder if she'll regret some of what she's said here in the future, sooner or later.
What is definitely necessary to make public is the way our culture encourages and abets illness and dysfunction in the name of entertainment. Each one of us has to face the suffering -- whether someone else's, or our own -- that we overlook in order to be more comfortable, distracting and soothing ourselves with false appearances. Uncovering the dirty underside of a glamorous image is important and brave work, and much more needs to be done in this direction.
On the other hand, something I have learned in my own journey is that when you are trying very hard to cover up your own flawed and painful side, while simultaneously longing for someone to see through the disguise, you can't entirely blame the people who don't have that degree of vision. We have to take responsibility for ourselves, not demand that others change themselves to suit us. If you want to claim any level of grown-up status, you have to stop merely crying "See me, see me," and strive to see others, to see through their masks. Otherwise, people will just go around calling each other monsters and complaining that no one sees the real them.
We're all human beings with serious blind spots, and that may be what we have to forgive one another most of all. There's also a generational gap, with someone like coach Frank Carroll -- he just doesn't seem equipped for what Gold wanted from him, no doubt blinded by his own training and upbringing. We have to sometimes just let go of what an earlier generation could not give to us, be thankful for what they did, and move on, glad that we have the opportunity to make different choices.
Still, I think that Gold is a winner, not because she won gold medals, but because she has chosen honesty over untruth, continually honing her sense of what she truly wants and needs. If she wants to make things better for the next generation of skaters, she'll need to keep going on that road. Her fighting spirit is an inspiration, and I only hope she can discern how to direct it toward the right goals.
What is definitely necessary to make public is the way our culture encourages and abets illness and dysfunction in the name of entertainment. Each one of us has to face the suffering -- whether someone else's, or our own -- that we overlook in order to be more comfortable, distracting and soothing ourselves with false appearances. Uncovering the dirty underside of a glamorous image is important and brave work, and much more needs to be done in this direction.
On the other hand, something I have learned in my own journey is that when you are trying very hard to cover up your own flawed and painful side, while simultaneously longing for someone to see through the disguise, you can't entirely blame the people who don't have that degree of vision. We have to take responsibility for ourselves, not demand that others change themselves to suit us. If you want to claim any level of grown-up status, you have to stop merely crying "See me, see me," and strive to see others, to see through their masks. Otherwise, people will just go around calling each other monsters and complaining that no one sees the real them.
We're all human beings with serious blind spots, and that may be what we have to forgive one another most of all. There's also a generational gap, with someone like coach Frank Carroll -- he just doesn't seem equipped for what Gold wanted from him, no doubt blinded by his own training and upbringing. We have to sometimes just let go of what an earlier generation could not give to us, be thankful for what they did, and move on, glad that we have the opportunity to make different choices.
Still, I think that Gold is a winner, not because she won gold medals, but because she has chosen honesty over untruth, continually honing her sense of what she truly wants and needs. If she wants to make things better for the next generation of skaters, she'll need to keep going on that road. Her fighting spirit is an inspiration, and I only hope she can discern how to direct it toward the right goals.