A review by sarahm96
The Hurricane Wars by Thea Guanzon

4.0

**SPOILERS**


  • This is giving CC vibes where all the world building is just shoved down your throat & you have no idea what the fuck is happening 
  • I associate the word squall with the Grishaverse so this is going to take a bit of getting used to 
  • If someone could explain a Lightweave to me that would be great 
  • I feel like we’re asking a lot of Talasyn
  • Darius should not be a motivational speaker 
  • Ooooooh I do love dual POVs 
  • Alaric is a good name
  • Frostplum is a weirdly whimsical town name & it does not match the vibe 
  • Light Sever is a strange word combination 
  • Still don’t know what a Shadowgate is so that’s fun 
  • Wow the girl is ~very smol~ & he is ~very tall~ no fucking way 😒🤮
    • If I have to hear about their height difference every other page I will quit 
  • *clutches pearls* won’t someone think of the conquerors 
  • Darius gives turncoat vibes 
  • Using the word Sever is very confusing
  • Hiking for five hours in hot weather is my nightmare 
  • Bantering while sword fighting has always seemed like a lot of effort to me 
  • Alaric reminds me of both Jace & Elias 
  • I dislike knowing when published novels are based on previous fanfics because then all I picture is the actual character 
    • In this case, Adam Driver 
      • Which I don’t love 
  • “Star-cut eyes” is a bit much my dude 
  • Talasyn is a party
  • Alright if we’re only on chapter 6 & you’re already talking about his mouth it is game over for you Tally 
  • Starlit Majesty is a bit aggressive 
  • Well the plot has certainly been twisted 
  • Aha! I knew it was Darius, the little shit 
  • Okay, here’s the thing 
    • “Fortnight” is a useful word
    • “Sennight” is not. Just say week!! Not everything needs a fancy name 
  • Two sails short of a full rig made me snort 
  • Interesting change of heart from Alaric
    • Felt very out of left field; no flow 
  • Points to Ally for a dramatic exit 
    • Yes I’m nicknaming Alaric Ally for the sole purpose of having Ally & Tally 
  • I still have no idea why the wars are called the Hurricane Wars 
    • There is v little evidence of Hurricanes 
  • Okay sennight is getting on my last nerve 
  • Urduja is a party 
    • I like her 
  • Much like with Feyre, I understand how Alunsina is pronounced but I will not be pronouncing it that way 
  • Oh Ally you’re going to get to live with that embarrassment for the rest of your life sucker 
  • Oop he has a conscience that’s not good 
  • I don’t have time for romance guarantees that there will absolutely be romance 
  • Sun Buffalo just makes me imagine yellow Buffalo 
  • Hurting the dragons is rude 
  • Oh this is going to be fun when Ally figures out who Alunsina is 
  • Gaheris is a jerk 
  • Urduja gives Judi Dench vibes for reasons I cannot explain 
  • Okay but you are a silly child, Alaric, emperor or not. You’re like 12 
  • Not fucking likely 
    • Solid first words to your betrothed there Tally 
  • This is very entertaining 
  • These two really are enemies & that means the lovers part is really going to be a party 
  • Mathire needs to cool it
  • You’re old & slow 
    • The world building is definitely confusing but the verbal sparring between Ally & Tally is hilarious 
  • Didn’t take much for the horniness to start on Ally’s part now did it 
  • Oop time for our regularly scheduled reminder that she is ~very small~ and he is ~very tall~ yawn 
  • Tally has some great insults tbh 
  • Girl your obsession with his mouth is v telling 
    • My friend just because he’s not a total alien doesn’t mean he’s a fixable project 
  • Improper use of the word decimated 
  • Aaaaaand now everyone’s mad 
  • Surprising insight from Sevraim 
  • Okay the words lush & plush are used too often on this dude’s mouth & I do not like it 
  • Oh boy here we go 
  • I’m pretty sure people don’t smell like mangoes, never mind ones dusted in flaky sea salt 
    • That is way too weirdly specific 
  • Dammit Sevraim they need to break the sexual tension 
  • Another regularly scheduled reminder of how large Ally is 
    • I lied we got two back to back pls kill me 
  • I don’t think rangy hips are a thing?? 
  • The soup deflection was funny I will concede to that 
  • V surprised that Surakwel hasn’t been yeeted out of the banquet hall tbh 
  • To quote Aaron Burr: okay so we’re doing this 
    • I’m sure this is going to end well 🙄
  • This Surakwel guy is a no from me 
  • Ahh yes, calling a girl a beautiful little idiot will really endear her to you 
    • You fuckwit 
  • Aaaaaaand ya lost me 
    • By the formidable maleness of him 
    • B A R F 
  • Now we’re cooking with gas 
  • Wow so Gaheris can get fucked 
  • Ally is clearly a fan of the low cut dress 
  • El oh el time for the sex talk 
  • If I had to drink every time Tally says lush mouth I would be dead 
    • Give it up my friend 
  • This is honestly one of the best enemies to lovers arc 
    • These two absolutely despise each other & wow does the author make you feel that hate 
  • I stg if I have to keep hearing about Ally’s large hands I’m going to throw myself off a bridge 
  • It’s always fun when they don’t think the other person’s attracted to them 
  • Well at least Tally gets straight to the point, if nothing else 
  • The next time you wish to be disrespected, you know where to find me 
    • I really hope this comes up in one of the sex scenes 
  • We do love a perpetually sullen boy 
  • Oop we have contact 
  • Did we really need to repeat warm and big twice? No. No we did not
  • Dammit Ally 
    • Curse morally grey boys with dark hair, tortured pasts, & a sense of honour 
      • Ughh
  • This is some solid tension I am legit dying over here 
  • Okay I am all for praise & shit but I feel like war goddess is a tad much here 
  • I will concede that The look on his face was winter storm and wolf song is pretty baller 
  • Wow this only took thirty two chapters why so soon 
  • Well that was a disappointingly short scene 
    • So rude Thea 
  • Ahh yes, time for the regularly scheduled turmoil that comes with kissing your supposed mortal enemy 
    • Heavy emphasis on the supposed part
  • Aaaaaaand we’re back to being real mean to each other 
  • There are six chapters left & I am v concerned that the things I need/want to happen are not going to happen 
  • *crosses fingers for wedding night shenanigans*
  • Elagbi is surprisingly astute sometimes 
  • I wonder if Ally will find his mom
  • Castigate is weirdly overused in this book 
  • Props to Alaric for not fainting when Tally showed up 
  • Oh god we’re down to four chapters help 
  • AH HAH
  • “May the gods help me. Alaric resisted the urge to put his head in his hands in a fit of despair. I’m attracted to my wife.”
    • Whomp whomp 
  • Ally my dude, someone hitting you on the knee does not qualify as a spanking 
    • Ughh not the manspreading 
  • Well Alaric is absolutely going to pass out when he sees Talasyn in lingerie so this should be fun 
  • Listen if I got forced into lingerie after already being forced to marry the dude that destroyed my home continent, I would also be pretty grumpy 
  • Oh dear 
  • Here we go 
  • I actually think I’m going to go back & count how many times castigate is used because now I can’t un-notice it 
  • Okay as a general rule I despise the whole kissing to shut someone up thing but in this case I actually think it was a good call 
    • Plus it’s like 600 pages overdue so 🤷🏻‍♀️
  • Ahh yes, god forbid we forget how ~big~ he is & how ~small~ she is 🙄
    • I think my eyeballs might get stuck in the back of my head at this rate
  • I am absolutely taking off half a star for using ‘hard length’ twice in the span of three paragraphs 
  • “She knew only that the winter of her soul burst into springtime flowers the moment that he captured her lips in another shattering kiss”
    • I’m sorry but that sentence is ridiculous 
  • Okay Tala is sweet 🥹🥹
  • However 
    • ‘You’re soaked, beautiful girl’ is just flat out weird 
    • IT GOT WORSE OH MY GOD 
    • ‘My wet little wife’ actually made me gag goodbye no thank you 
  • Wow it’s been like 5 pages since we were reminded how large Ally is how did we survive 
  • I remain adamant that we do not always need to know the size of the peen 
    • Well if nothing else at least there was no fabric comparisons 
  • Oh dear 
    • Tally my girl you need to sort your shit out because regardless of mortal enemy status, pushing someone away from you after sex is just plain rude 
  • You know, I could have gone my whole life without reading the words here fingers were still sticky with his spend but here we are 🫠
  • Hellcat is a fair description of Talasyn 
  • These two need to be slapped upside the head 
  • Ally is so in love with Tally it’s actually kind of gross but also very adorable 
  • I had almost forgotten about Gaheris & his horribleness, but alas, we get one last reminder 
    • This is why I only read series that are finished because cliffhangers are GARBAGE