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A review by xpaiged
The Museum of Heartbreak by Meg Leder
1.0
I've been sitting on this review for a long time because I wanted to put into the right words just how exactly God-awful this novel is.
I read The Museum of Heartbreak book as recommended by Lauren Conrad's book club. This book is centered around one of the most pathetic and irritating main characters ever dreamed up. If the book's main character is disgustingly unlikable to the point where you're rooting for her self-proclaimed nemesis, you know it's going to be an uphill battle.
Now, the main character, Penelope Marx (not to be mistaken for Karl Marx although the book definitely would've been more interesting had he been the protagonist) is seventeen years old. I know I'm not seventeen but I was seventeen not long ago and I am still a young adult and, mind you, this book was recommended in a young adult book club. Now that that's out of the way, let's discuss this a little further and why I'm using this to support my young adult novel cliches.
This novel contains minimal drama, no character development and excessively quirky everything without having any substance. The main characters all follow a specific stereotype ranging from blank piece of paper best friends, attractive ass holes and queen bee mean girls to the best friend who's been there all along to main characters who are quirky and awkward.
Now, in case you think I'm being a little bit harsh, let me share a few actual excerpts from the novel. These are actual things that the author actually wrote in this book. Ahem.
"Her grandmother had taught us the trick during one of our summer trips--how smelling an entire jumbo bag of M&M'S was almost better than eating the candy itself"
First of all, who sniffs M&Ms? Second of all, they don't even smell good. Is this some puff, puff, pass weird candy snorting crap?
"Without taking his eyes off his notebook, Eph made a fart noise, his de facto response anytime anyone mentioned a word that rhymed with fart"
The use of the phrase "de facto" mixed with "fart" in one sentence is poetic genius.
"I immediately wept like a giant baby-faced baby for still wanting to go to the festival"
A baby faced baby? What an astute description.
"He kissed me, and I thought of tearing mint leaves, of licking salt water off my lips, of the mornings you wake up heart alive, no alarm"
What. What?
"It was stunningly, amazingly, beautifully fall outside, the sky a ridiculous color of a crayon."
Use more adverbs, will you?
"'Can I be totally nosy and ask if you guys kissed?'
Birds stopped mid-sky. Horns stopped mid-honk. A baby stopped mid-cry."
The world STOPPED because someone asked Penelope about something that dIDN'T EVEN HAPPEN. I'm ripping my hair out.
Save a chunk of your life and don't read this shitshow, please. It's too late for me but save yourself.
I read The Museum of Heartbreak book as recommended by Lauren Conrad's book club. This book is centered around one of the most pathetic and irritating main characters ever dreamed up. If the book's main character is disgustingly unlikable to the point where you're rooting for her self-proclaimed nemesis, you know it's going to be an uphill battle.
Now, the main character, Penelope Marx (not to be mistaken for Karl Marx although the book definitely would've been more interesting had he been the protagonist) is seventeen years old. I know I'm not seventeen but I was seventeen not long ago and I am still a young adult and, mind you, this book was recommended in a young adult book club. Now that that's out of the way, let's discuss this a little further and why I'm using this to support my young adult novel cliches.
This novel contains minimal drama, no character development and excessively quirky everything without having any substance. The main characters all follow a specific stereotype ranging from blank piece of paper best friends, attractive ass holes and queen bee mean girls to the best friend who's been there all along to main characters who are quirky and awkward.
Now, in case you think I'm being a little bit harsh, let me share a few actual excerpts from the novel. These are actual things that the author actually wrote in this book. Ahem.
"Her grandmother had taught us the trick during one of our summer trips--how smelling an entire jumbo bag of M&M'S was almost better than eating the candy itself"
First of all, who sniffs M&Ms? Second of all, they don't even smell good. Is this some puff, puff, pass weird candy snorting crap?
"Without taking his eyes off his notebook, Eph made a fart noise, his de facto response anytime anyone mentioned a word that rhymed with fart"
The use of the phrase "de facto" mixed with "fart" in one sentence is poetic genius.
"I immediately wept like a giant baby-faced baby for still wanting to go to the festival"
A baby faced baby? What an astute description.
"He kissed me, and I thought of tearing mint leaves, of licking salt water off my lips, of the mornings you wake up heart alive, no alarm"
What. What?
"It was stunningly, amazingly, beautifully fall outside, the sky a ridiculous color of a crayon."
Use more adverbs, will you?
"'Can I be totally nosy and ask if you guys kissed?'
Birds stopped mid-sky. Horns stopped mid-honk. A baby stopped mid-cry."
The world STOPPED because someone asked Penelope about something that dIDN'T EVEN HAPPEN. I'm ripping my hair out.
Save a chunk of your life and don't read this shitshow, please. It's too late for me but save yourself.