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A review by talknerdybookblog
How to Fail at Flirting by Denise Williams
dark
emotional
hopeful
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.75
Representation: African Mexican Biracial Heroine, Black Supporting Character, Black Gay Supporting Character, mlm side romance
It took me a while to get into How to Fail at Flirting because the beginning has quite a few information dumps. But once the author hit her rhythm I LOVED the book; I felt so protective of Naya and just wanted her to be safe and happy. I agree with other reviewers, How to Fail at Flirting is less rom-com and more a young woman learning to trust herself after an abusive relationship (with that in mind check out my Possible Triggers below before reading).
The romance between Naya and Jake was so flipping cute. I enjoyed how they navigated their long-distance relationship — I haven’t read too many romances that depict that kind of relationship in a positive way.
Now, why not 4-stars?So, Jake’s job happens to be the consultant agency that was hired by Naya’s university to streamline (ahem, fire) departments. Alas, Naya’s department and her job are at risk!
Of course, the moment this might be an Issue is the day Naya has been terrorized by her abusive ex-boyfriend. Hearing her current boyfriend warn her that her job is at risk pushed her nerves over the edge and lashes out.
IMPORTANT: I do not think Naya was in the right to lash out at Jake BUT I really didn’t appreciate how the novel didn’t give Naya any space to feel her emotions.
To illustrate: Naya lashes out — she’s scared about losing her job (and her ex blackmailing her and ruining her reputation). Jake tells her to “calm down” because it’s “not personal.” Which can come across as invalidating her emotions — doesn’t matter if it’s not rational, she is still allowed to feel hurt/scared/nervous etc. Also, I hate the “it’s not personal” saying. What Jake means is that the (eventual) decision isn’t vindictive or discriminatory, but losing your job IS personal, especially when it’s your whole life (read: personal joy, hobby, self-fulfillment, etc.) like it is for Naya.
So, Naya continues to spiral and lash out. And, Jake’s trying to “be an adult” and shows how all this stuff is “rational” but because he’s human, he gets upset when Naya minimizes their relationship. As a result, he raises his voice and uses his arms to make a big gesture (he might’ve hit the wall — I can’t remember) which triggers Naya. He then — after saying Naya doesn’t understand, and rebuffing to Naya that he wasn’t condescending to her — says he loves her.
Which makes everything worse. Because if you’ve experienced emotional or physical abuse, such abusive is typically “smoothed” over with declarations of love. While Jake is not her ex, being told he loves her in the same conversation that he didn’t let her have space to feel what she was feeling was very triggering.
And, the fact that the rest of the book focused on how *Naya* messed up (which she did by lashing out at Jake — quite rudely — and ghosting him for a week) BUT didn’t start a conversation about how Jake also could’ve done better angered me. It honestly ruined the rest of the book for me. But because I loved it until that point I gave it 3.75-stars.
Safety Rating: Safe with Exceptions... could be Not Safe for some
• No cheating
• Does have OW drama
— Hero is separated from his wife (she cheated on him). They are in the midst of their divorce but she comes back to cause issues.
• Does have OM drama
— Heroine’s abusive ex-boyfriend comes back into her professional life and starts terrorizing her again.
• Does have the Heroine and Hero pushing each other away
• Does have a separation between the Heroine and Hero
Possible Triggers: Yes
• Infidelity (not between MCs though)
• Physical and emotional abuse (memories and on-page)
• Microaggressions and overt racism
• PTSD
Ending:HFN
It took me a while to get into How to Fail at Flirting because the beginning has quite a few information dumps. But once the author hit her rhythm I LOVED the book; I felt so protective of Naya and just wanted her to be safe and happy. I agree with other reviewers, How to Fail at Flirting is less rom-com and more a young woman learning to trust herself after an abusive relationship (with that in mind check out my Possible Triggers below before reading).
The romance between Naya and Jake was so flipping cute. I enjoyed how they navigated their long-distance relationship — I haven’t read too many romances that depict that kind of relationship in a positive way.
Now, why not 4-stars?
Of course, the moment this might be an Issue is the day Naya has been terrorized by her abusive ex-boyfriend. Hearing her current boyfriend warn her that her job is at risk pushed her nerves over the edge and lashes out.
IMPORTANT: I do not think Naya was in the right to lash out at Jake BUT I really didn’t appreciate how the novel didn’t give Naya any space to feel her emotions.
To illustrate: Naya lashes out — she’s scared about losing her job (and her ex blackmailing her and ruining her reputation). Jake tells her to “calm down” because it’s “not personal.” Which can come across as invalidating her emotions — doesn’t matter if it’s not rational, she is still allowed to feel hurt/scared/nervous etc. Also, I hate the “it’s not personal” saying. What Jake means is that the (eventual) decision isn’t vindictive or discriminatory, but losing your job IS personal, especially when it’s your whole life (read: personal joy, hobby, self-fulfillment, etc.) like it is for Naya.
So, Naya continues to spiral and lash out. And, Jake’s trying to “be an adult” and shows how all this stuff is “rational” but because he’s human, he gets upset when Naya minimizes their relationship. As a result, he raises his voice and uses his arms to make a big gesture (he might’ve hit the wall — I can’t remember) which triggers Naya. He then — after saying Naya doesn’t understand, and rebuffing to Naya that he wasn’t condescending to her — says he loves her.
Which makes everything worse. Because if you’ve experienced emotional or physical abuse, such abusive is typically “smoothed” over with declarations of love. While Jake is not her ex, being told he loves her in the same conversation that he didn’t let her have space to feel what she was feeling was very triggering.
And, the fact that the rest of the book focused on how *Naya* messed up (which she did by lashing out at Jake — quite rudely — and ghosting him for a week) BUT didn’t start a conversation about how Jake also could’ve done better angered me. It honestly ruined the rest of the book for me. But because I loved it until that point I gave it 3.75-stars.
Safety Rating: Safe with Exceptions... could be Not Safe for some
• No cheating
• Does have OW drama
— Hero is separated from his wife (she cheated on him). They are in the midst of their divorce but she comes back to cause issues.
• Does have OM drama
— Heroine’s abusive ex-boyfriend comes back into her professional life and starts terrorizing her again.
• Does have the Heroine and Hero pushing each other away
• Does have a separation between the Heroine and Hero
Possible Triggers: Yes
• Infidelity (not between MCs though)
• Physical and emotional abuse (memories and on-page)
• Microaggressions and overt racism
• PTSD
Ending: