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onceuponarachel 's review for:
The Time Paradox
by Eoin Colfer
re-reading this series is like discovering my own villain origin story
you're telling me middle school rachel read one of the best developed relationships of her young life iterate "being hormonal is not akin to being in love" and yall expected me to NOT to become this romance goblin with no patience for leads who don't actually like each other
if i've learned one thing from working in publishing it is that, since it was clear they were trying to set this series up to be the next Percy Jacksonand print money and franchises, Eoin Colfer has Robert Pattinson level "i'm-doing-this-my-way-only-the-weak-fear-death" AUDACITY
again here is what i assume his convos with his publisher looked like;
publisher: eoin please make them a couple please, every franchise has a lead couple
Eoin: [slicing limes] you know what. I'll do something for you. I'll use time travel to age Artemis up and age Holly down so they are both late teens, and in the heat of a very stressful situation they will have a Romantic Moment™
Publisher: really???? You mean it??? They'll become a couple?
Eoin: no
Publisher: you just said they would have a Romantic Mome-
Eoin: they aren't in love they are just hormonal they even discuss it afterwards
Publisher: what
Eoin: [juicing glasses] this book will be about the intensity of their friendship, and what it looks like to hurt the person who cares about you most for your own gain
Publisher: eoin please - wait did you say person who cares about you most
Eoin: yes
Publisher: so like soulmates
Eoin: [salting glasses] well yes in the previous book I literally wrote "they were as close as two people could ever be"
Publisher: so they are IN LOVE
Eoin: no
Publisher: [weeping openly] eoin I don't understand
Eoin: [pouring shots] you'll need these. we've got two more books after this
you're telling me middle school rachel read one of the best developed relationships of her young life iterate "being hormonal is not akin to being in love" and yall expected me to NOT to become this romance goblin with no patience for leads who don't actually like each other
if i've learned one thing from working in publishing it is that, since it was clear they were trying to set this series up to be the next Percy Jackson
again here is what i assume his convos with his publisher looked like;
publisher: eoin please make them a couple please, every franchise has a lead couple
Eoin: [slicing limes] you know what. I'll do something for you. I'll use time travel to age Artemis up and age Holly down so they are both late teens, and in the heat of a very stressful situation they will have a Romantic Moment™
Publisher: really???? You mean it??? They'll become a couple?
Eoin: no
Publisher: you just said they would have a Romantic Mome-
Eoin: they aren't in love they are just hormonal they even discuss it afterwards
Publisher: what
Eoin: [juicing glasses] this book will be about the intensity of their friendship, and what it looks like to hurt the person who cares about you most for your own gain
Publisher: eoin please - wait did you say person who cares about you most
Eoin: yes
Publisher: so like soulmates
Eoin: [salting glasses] well yes in the previous book I literally wrote "they were as close as two people could ever be"
Publisher: so they are IN LOVE
Eoin: no
Publisher: [weeping openly] eoin I don't understand
Eoin: [pouring shots] you'll need these. we've got two more books after this