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danielle67 's review for:
Interesting Facts About Space
by Emily Austin
I am starting to wonder if there aren’t bad books, just not well timed reads? Either way this was one that I picked up at just the right time. 3.5
“I have worked on myself since being a kid. I now carry myself, for the most part, like I am socially apt and confident. I am, in many ways, socially apt and confident. I started mimicking the behavior of confident people when I was a teenager, and I have worn that mask so long now that my face is melding with it. There are parts of me I wish I could train out that I can’t. You can train a dog not to bite, sit on the furniture, or piss in the house, but you can’t train them to become birds. I don’t like a lot of unalterable things about myself. Even when I’m not viewing footage of me on YouTube, I always feel sort of tortured as my own spectator. I want to boo, cringe, and splat rotten fruit at my own head until someone closes the curtains. I want to heckle that I wish I were someone different. I hate my voice. I hate the words I choose. I hate my instincts and the way I think. I hate that I am self-absorbed enough to hate myself in detail. I think I am a bad person. I feel self-loathing so deeply I think if I cracked myself open, I would see the physical manifestation of it calcified in my bones like a geode. I feel sad watching myself as a kid. I was a weird, disoriented tadpole, and now I am this warty toad. Part of why I watch the videos is to see how it happened. I want to pinpoint when my little tadpole body grew big ugly toad legs and ribbited.”
“I have worked on myself since being a kid. I now carry myself, for the most part, like I am socially apt and confident. I am, in many ways, socially apt and confident. I started mimicking the behavior of confident people when I was a teenager, and I have worn that mask so long now that my face is melding with it. There are parts of me I wish I could train out that I can’t. You can train a dog not to bite, sit on the furniture, or piss in the house, but you can’t train them to become birds. I don’t like a lot of unalterable things about myself. Even when I’m not viewing footage of me on YouTube, I always feel sort of tortured as my own spectator. I want to boo, cringe, and splat rotten fruit at my own head until someone closes the curtains. I want to heckle that I wish I were someone different. I hate my voice. I hate the words I choose. I hate my instincts and the way I think. I hate that I am self-absorbed enough to hate myself in detail. I think I am a bad person. I feel self-loathing so deeply I think if I cracked myself open, I would see the physical manifestation of it calcified in my bones like a geode. I feel sad watching myself as a kid. I was a weird, disoriented tadpole, and now I am this warty toad. Part of why I watch the videos is to see how it happened. I want to pinpoint when my little tadpole body grew big ugly toad legs and ribbited.”