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A review by greisreads
The Mismatch by Sara Jafari
emotional
reflective
tense
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
This is a story that felt close to home as I read it. It follows the perspectives of Neda and her daughter Soraya throughout two different times. It is about family, and struggling to find your own identity while trying to please your immigrant parents and maintain your roots, while trying to blend in with your peers. How isolating of an experience that can be when the people around you can't relate to what you're going through, especially when you're a WOC and you find yourself in predominantly white spaces. It's the resentment and anger you feel for your parents while simultaneously understanding why they are the way that they are.
Soraya is a character that I see much of myself in and that I suspect a lot of young women will as well. She's graduated university, she has no idea what she's doing with her life, she can't for the life of her find a job related to what she's got a degree in, she keeps her feelings bottled up and hides her true self from her family, and she feels a seething rage that she desperately tries to hide. The anger she feels towards her father for his sedentary lifestyle and the way he tries to control them all. The anger she feels towards the sexism in her culture and how she can only bite her tongue and ignore it because she can't change it. The anger she feels at her mother because she will not leave her father and puts them all through this existence. The constant anxiety she feels of doing what she wants and makes her happy and worrying that she is disappointing her parents and being a bad Muslim. The joy and jealousy she feels for her friends who seem as if they're making strides towards their dreams while she remains stagnant.
Neda is a character that brings to mind my own mom. She is a deeply religious woman who finds comfort in her practice and uses it as a coping mechanism throughout her life. But she is also a deeply unlikeable, judgemental, and condescending woman. Jafari has done a great job of getting you to empathize with her and understand the complexity of her circumstances even as she makes this woman....an asshole. Neda is an extremely intelligent, successful, and resilient woman, and you feel for her and the husband she's found herself shackled to that she has to mother. And at the same time, it makes you think of so many women you know in your own life stuck in the same position.
Her anger is your anger throughout the book. But you also get annoyed with her. Because while Islam has brought her comfort and control in her life, she fails to grasp that it's not the solution to the problem of every person in her life and so she comes across as patronizing when her solution always involves being more pious. She judges the people around her because they do not practice as she practices and constantly thinks about how they should be. It's a constant balance of feeling sorry for her because she must carry every burden on her shoulder and it's what makes her this way, and wanting to roll your eyes.
Even Hossein, in the end, as much as you hate him, when you see him discussing how deeply he hates his life and hates himself, you can't help but feel pity for him. And these contradicting feelings are portrayed so well in the character's themselves. He doesn't deserve our pity because he is an awful man, but you can't help it when you see how broken he is. Magnus is a character that I also really liked for the most part. But I suspect that's because I have a thing for brawny rugby players. But anyway. There are a few moments where he's kind of a shit person but I also realize that I have unrealistic moral standards when it comes to people so that's on me. But it was so annoying when he failed to grasp why Soraya was so frustrated with him because he has literally zero standards when it comes to friends.
He associates himself with some of the grossest people they went to uni with whom, are implied, to be sleazy people who say and do questionable things. He brushes their antics off as a joke or not serious when they're actually deeply reflective of their deeper thoughts and feelings. And it's at total odds from how he is with Soraya, so it's kind of like why do you even hang out with these people? What does this say about you as a person that you are willing to tolerate this low level behaviour from your social group? But ultimately, I think this makes him a more realistic character.
Ultimately, this book was, in an indirect way, about the relationship between mother's and daughters. About trying to understand your mother even while you're angry at her. About the way your mother's trauma is passed onto you and influences your life. About your mother healing and acknowledging the way that she has influenced you.
I absolutely cannot recommend this enough and I'll definitely be reading again in the future (and getting my hands on my own copy of this).
CW: domestic abuse, addiction, drug use.
Soraya is a character that I see much of myself in and that I suspect a lot of young women will as well. She's graduated university, she has no idea what she's doing with her life, she can't for the life of her find a job related to what she's got a degree in, she keeps her feelings bottled up and hides her true self from her family, and she feels a seething rage that she desperately tries to hide. The anger she feels towards her father for his sedentary lifestyle and the way he tries to control them all. The anger she feels towards the sexism in her culture and how she can only bite her tongue and ignore it because she can't change it. The anger she feels at her mother because she will not leave her father and puts them all through this existence. The constant anxiety she feels of doing what she wants and makes her happy and worrying that she is disappointing her parents and being a bad Muslim. The joy and jealousy she feels for her friends who seem as if they're making strides towards their dreams while she remains stagnant.
Neda is a character that brings to mind my own mom. She is a deeply religious woman who finds comfort in her practice and uses it as a coping mechanism throughout her life. But she is also a deeply unlikeable, judgemental, and condescending woman. Jafari has done a great job of getting you to empathize with her and understand the complexity of her circumstances even as she makes this woman....an asshole. Neda is an extremely intelligent, successful, and resilient woman, and you feel for her and the husband she's found herself shackled to that she has to mother. And at the same time, it makes you think of so many women you know in your own life stuck in the same position.
Her anger is your anger throughout the book. But you also get annoyed with her. Because while Islam has brought her comfort and control in her life, she fails to grasp that it's not the solution to the problem of every person in her life and so she comes across as patronizing when her solution always involves being more pious. She judges the people around her because they do not practice as she practices and constantly thinks about how they should be. It's a constant balance of feeling sorry for her because she must carry every burden on her shoulder and it's what makes her this way, and wanting to roll your eyes.
Even Hossein, in the end, as much as you hate him, when you see him discussing how deeply he hates his life and hates himself, you can't help but feel pity for him. And these contradicting feelings are portrayed so well in the character's themselves. He doesn't deserve our pity because he is an awful man, but you can't help it when you see how broken he is. Magnus is a character that I also really liked for the most part. But I suspect that's because I have a thing for brawny rugby players. But anyway. There are a few moments where he's kind of a shit person but I also realize that I have unrealistic moral standards when it comes to people so that's on me. But it was so annoying when he failed to grasp why Soraya was so frustrated with him because he has literally zero standards when it comes to friends.
He associates himself with some of the grossest people they went to uni with whom, are implied, to be sleazy people who say and do questionable things. He brushes their antics off as a joke or not serious when they're actually deeply reflective of their deeper thoughts and feelings. And it's at total odds from how he is with Soraya, so it's kind of like why do you even hang out with these people? What does this say about you as a person that you are willing to tolerate this low level behaviour from your social group? But ultimately, I think this makes him a more realistic character.
Ultimately, this book was, in an indirect way, about the relationship between mother's and daughters. About trying to understand your mother even while you're angry at her. About the way your mother's trauma is passed onto you and influences your life. About your mother healing and acknowledging the way that she has influenced you.
I absolutely cannot recommend this enough and I'll definitely be reading again in the future (and getting my hands on my own copy of this).
CW: domestic abuse, addiction, drug use.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Addiction, Domestic abuse, and Drug use