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A review by casie1014
My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell
5.0
This book shook me to my core. I am fortunate enough that I was never a victim of grooming, but I did go to a HS where I know at least 3 girls had "relationships" with teachers. At that time, all I could think was "Why are they with these old men?" never having the first clue as to what all goes into it. I couldn't have imagined their inner turmoil.
Mr. Strane disgusted me. The way he put all the responsibility on Vanessa ("You have the power to destroy me"), acted as though only HE could ever suffer for the existence of their relationship, and completely disregarded the impact he'd be having on her had me seething with rage. To see how, even in adulthood, she couldn't quite get there in terms of seeing herself as a victim and him as an abuser - another gift from Strane, as he told her that would be giving up her power and besides, she could have ended it anytime.
Vanessa was lonely, didn't feel understood by her parents, and had lost her best friend. OF COURSE she needed someone to see her and like all teens, she wanted to be seen as an adult, which Strane indulged.
The way the author paints the full picture of the relationship is masterful. She shows how Vanessa is intrigued by Strane and enjoys the attention he gives her, but also that she would have been happy with their continued stolen touches and making out, reminding us how innocent and young she really is. We see that Vanessa has become a shell of a person, never having met her full potential and seemingly incapable of any real connection to others and it can all be traced back to the mind f*** that was her "first love."
This book broke my heart, there's really no other way to put it. I think it's an important book and I'm glad I read it and I think anyone who can stomach the content should, but I found myself going back & forth between wanting to shake Vanessa and wanting to hug her while she cried. It was a heavy read but the writing was superb. I think this is a book that will stay with me forever. My only wish is that we would have seen Strane's long history of abuse, going back to before Vanessa. For a time, she thought she was the only one, but of course she learns otherwise. I'd have been interested to see girls before her come forward, as I'm sure they exist, though I suppose that's for the reader to decide for themselves.
Mr. Strane disgusted me. The way he put all the responsibility on Vanessa ("You have the power to destroy me"), acted as though only HE could ever suffer for the existence of their relationship, and completely disregarded the impact he'd be having on her had me seething with rage. To see how, even in adulthood, she couldn't quite get there in terms of seeing herself as a victim and him as an abuser - another gift from Strane, as he told her that would be giving up her power and besides, she could have ended it anytime.
Vanessa was lonely, didn't feel understood by her parents, and had lost her best friend. OF COURSE she needed someone to see her and like all teens, she wanted to be seen as an adult, which Strane indulged.
The way the author paints the full picture of the relationship is masterful. She shows how Vanessa is intrigued by Strane and enjoys the attention he gives her, but also that she would have been happy with their continued stolen touches and making out, reminding us how innocent and young she really is. We see that Vanessa has become a shell of a person, never having met her full potential and seemingly incapable of any real connection to others and it can all be traced back to the mind f*** that was her "first love."
This book broke my heart, there's really no other way to put it. I think it's an important book and I'm glad I read it and I think anyone who can stomach the content should, but I found myself going back & forth between wanting to shake Vanessa and wanting to hug her while she cried. It was a heavy read but the writing was superb. I think this is a book that will stay with me forever. My only wish is that we would have seen Strane's long history of abuse, going back to before Vanessa. For a time, she thought she was the only one, but of course she learns otherwise. I'd have been interested to see girls before her come forward, as I'm sure they exist, though I suppose that's for the reader to decide for themselves.