A review by bookphile
Guards! Guards! by Terry Pratchett

5.0

I hope Death is taking good care of Sir Terry Pratchett, because when he comes to take me to the other side, I’d like to kiss Sir Terry on the mouth. Because I’m in love.

I don’t think words like clever, witty, cynical, hilarious, dark, gut-busting-funny really do justice to his writing, but it’s kind of all of those combined and you get this amazing writing that is both funny, clever, and underneath it all incredibly dark and somewhat sobering. But how else do you point out to people all that is wrong with humanity? No one wants to hear what’s wrong with humanity unless they want to get out of bed again. So you do it the only way that will get people to listen: you disguise it as a joke. So that people can laugh, sigh, and say “that clever bastard” and go on with their day without thinking of drowning themselves in a bottle of gin.

I’ve been holding off on starting Terry Pratchett’s works for years because the collection is so massive and apparently you don’t start with book 1. After hearing about his passing, however, I knew I just had to do it. Since there are several viable starting points, after some consideration and research, I decided to start with The City Watch collection, as it is lauded as one of the funniest and best books in the collection.

If you take a city and turn it upside down, put criminals in charge, and the “respectable” folk at the bottom you’ll have something vaguely resembling Ankh Morpork. Cover it in trash, alcohol, and feces and you’ll be much closer.

Like any true fantasy this book has it’s heroes, it’s tyrants, it’s would-be-kings trying to beat the tyrants, secret societies, magical books and artifacts, and of course, last, but never the least: dragons.

We go to the gutter to find our anti-hero Sam Vimes, Captain of the Night Watch, a depressed drunk brought low by a woman. The woman in this case is Ankh Morpork herself, his true love, his city. Our other hero is Carrot, a six foot Dwarf who may not be a Dwarf at all do to human genetics, in possession of the most non-magical sword in existence. And of course, Srg. Colon and Srg. Nobbs. Oh, and the Librarian mon— beg pardon, Ape. Who may have been a man once. They are all brilliant, lovable, and while slightly cowardly, ready to stand behind their Captain.

Then there is of course Lord Havelock Vetinari, who is the city’s ruler, a tyrant who you probably actually don’t mind having in charge, since he’s not very tyrannical, but a very effective ruler. He demands greats respect and you have to give it him, because if you didn’t he’d send men to come and take it away.

It takes a threat to the city, to the livelihood of all its criminal citizens, to get the good Captain out of his drunken malaise and turn him into the cynical, brooding, anti-hero his city needs, but never knew it wanted. That threat, of course, is a dragon, for what other creature could disturb a city that is already run by organized crime.

But a dragon is only a dragon after all, and it will do what a dragon will do. That is, hoard anything shinny, set things on fire, and demand a human snack to appease its hunger.

Full of puns, wordplay, and humorous cynicism this book would give Monty Python a run for its money, all while showing just how petty some powerful people can be, and how heroic some pathetic people may turn out to be. It a one in a million chance, but it just might work.

The question is: Are you feeling lucky, punk?