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A review by octavia_cade
Boogeymen by Mel Gilden
1.0
There's no getting round it. This is a Wesley Crusher story and I can't fucking stand Wesley Crusher. My sister and I used to watch The Next Generation when we were kids, and we'd heard there were badges out there that said "Nuke Wesley" and we wanted some. Badly. (How is it that the show-runners did so badly with him, where only several years later Jake Sisko was such a well-written, well-rounded kid? Whatever caused the learning curve for character among the show's staff, good.)
In this book, Wesley is convinced he needs holodeck training to better his chances of being captain one day, so he programmes a made-up species of opponent, because none of the Federation races are challenging enough for his special self, big-headed brat that he is. The result is the Boogeymen of the title, childhood fears of his that manifest in irritating ways. (At one point the Boogeymen turn into ninja and kidnap him. It's exactly as ridiculous as it sounds.) And the holodeck malfunctions, as it always fucking does - and I dislike malfunctioning holodeck stories, if only half as much as I dislike Wesley Crusher, so this book is the perfect storm of suck for me - and of course "Captain" Crusher has to step up, and if only he'd fallen down a turbolift shaft instead.
I do appreciate that Troi steals Wesley's thunder in the end by coming up with a solution so simple that the paperclip mascot from Microsoft Word could have thought of it, but it is nowhere near enough for me to tolerate the rest of the book. And look, if I were indifferent to Wesley this still wouldn't be a story that appealed to me - it would likely only rate two stars - but as I said: I can't stand him. I really can't.
In this book, Wesley is convinced he needs holodeck training to better his chances of being captain one day, so he programmes a made-up species of opponent, because none of the Federation races are challenging enough for his special self, big-headed brat that he is. The result is the Boogeymen of the title, childhood fears of his that manifest in irritating ways. (At one point the Boogeymen turn into ninja and kidnap him. It's exactly as ridiculous as it sounds.) And the holodeck malfunctions, as it always fucking does - and I dislike malfunctioning holodeck stories, if only half as much as I dislike Wesley Crusher, so this book is the perfect storm of suck for me - and of course "Captain" Crusher has to step up, and if only he'd fallen down a turbolift shaft instead.
I do appreciate that Troi steals Wesley's thunder in the end by coming up with a solution so simple that the paperclip mascot from Microsoft Word could have thought of it, but it is nowhere near enough for me to tolerate the rest of the book. And look, if I were indifferent to Wesley this still wouldn't be a story that appealed to me - it would likely only rate two stars - but as I said: I can't stand him. I really can't.