A review by dherzey
Falling into Place by Amy Zhang

4.0

"She wished they had talked more about how all of the equations were derived. She wanted to know how Galileo and Newton and Einstein discovered the things they discovered. She wanted to know how they could have lived in the exact same world as everyone else but see things that no one else did."

This book is like somewhere between [b:If I Stay|4374400|If I Stay (If I Stay, #1)|Gayle Forman|https://d.gr-assets.com/books/1347462970s/4374400.jpg|4422413] and [b:Before I Fall|6482837|Before I Fall|Lauren Oliver|https://d.gr-assets.com/books/1361044695s/6482837.jpg|6674135] (although more on the former). It tells a story of Meridian High school's most popular girl, Liz Emerson, who on a cold fall night, attempted to commit suicide by running her car off the road. Truly, it was a heartbreaking story and I love how the author creatively incorporated Newton's Laws of Gravity. Of course, the concept of the story was used several times before but despite that, in its own right, it was a great read with an even greater theme. Unfortunately, the only thing that make this novel a step back than the other books is simply because its main character is hard to come to terms with.

Even from the start, I hated Liz Emerson. I know that she's not really one of those characters the author wanted the readers to like. I know that she is that way because of her past. But there are some characters from other books, who despite being fucked up and completely lonely, makes me empathize with them. Makes me care. Liz is not one of them. She is just too hopeless and pessimistic and static throughout the whole book and I just can't tolerate bullies like her -- especially what she did to Liam. She just blames everything to herself and her broken life without even -- just once -- ever doing something to remedy that.

Perhaps I was being unfair or cruel. I know there are people out there suffering the same thing. But I can't just sympathize with Liz, as a reader. I just don't know much about her or even felt much about her past to see reason why she is the way she is. All things aside, her character seems shallow. And I just think that her past is not enough excuse to have (for I felt it is distantly portrayed) to comfort and remind herself with -- over and over again -- to do the things she do at the present. But anyway, by the end of the novel, I think I sort of got Liz. After reflecting back on the events that happened, I realize that I may not have the necessary feelings to empathize with her, but I can still see myself relating to her in other things. I know the horrors of being pressured, of being the person that everyone just expects you to be. Liz felt the same thing with how everyone looks up to her like she is invincible and incapable of breaking. I also know how to be that person who do nothing. Who just stood there, going with the flow even if all you wanted to do was take a stand and fight. But of course, you didn't, because you're a coward. We are all cowards. Liz Emerson is a coward. At that point, I get Liz. I sort of relate on what she might have been going through. True, I hated her and still is. But at the end, I also realized, objectively, that she is just human like me, like everyone else. And by that point, I start to liked this novel even more.

"She wanted to go back. She wanted to be a little girl again, the one who thought getting high meant being pushed on the swings and pain was falling off her bike."

This debut novel is depressing. Everyone seems to hide some problem -- may it be addiction, depression or even abortion. But I didn't mind because I liked the other characters. They may not be as multi-layered than I wanted to be but they are sturdy supports to the story. They are real characters with real problems and I like reading about them. Of course, there was also the "unexpected" narrator of the story. You could have guess who it is or perhaps may got a feeling on its identity. But I got to say, that the narrator is really effective. When I found out who it is, it just gives more of a bittersweet feel to the story.

Plus, Amy Zhang's writing style is absolutely gorgeous and heartfelt. This with the mixture of physics to drive the story just adds to its heartbreaking end.

"It struck him that perhaps she thought just as many thoughts in a minute as he did, felt just as many emotions, inhaled and exhaled just as he did. And it was then that he began to fall in love with her for the second time, for the same reason that he had picked up his flute again: because he believed in broken things."

Falling Into Place is both maddening yet uplifting, depressing yet hopeful. It was a novel about suicide, depression, addiction and many others. It is a story centered on unsympathetic characters, characters you want to hate yet want to show compassion. It was a book of conflicting emotions but most of all, it was a book that makes me believe in second chances.

Because that ending, that ending. Just perfect.