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A review by cschaepe84
If He Had Been with Me by Laura Nowlin
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
tense
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
Wow. Just. Wow. So many thoughts about this book, a tale of unrequited love.
But this is a very tragic love story in more than one way. Finny and Autumn have loved each other for most of their lives, and for a while it seemed like they would be destined for the perfect future together...until a misunderstanding occurred when they were thirteen after an unwarranted kiss from Finny left Autumn feeling confused and scared. Since then, they have only watched each other from afar, loving and yet loathing at the same time, with so much left unsaid between them. Throughout the course of the story, we see events unravel, until they finally are able to talk about everything they have been feeling all these years and are able to claim the future they should have had along. Until tragedy rips them apart that fateful night.
The writing feels a bit fragmented, and the story is told scene by scene, which can for a while feel like a string of unrelated events, but this is intentional, and helps you get inside Autumn's head and thought process, as well as see how she interacts around others. Trust me, the events gradually build up, and you can see where the story is going. Even though we don't have Finny's POV, I can read the tension and angst Finny feels for Autumn, and I can understand the conflicting emotions Autumn has for Finny.
Autumn at time is unlikeable. At times she is selfish, insensitive to others, and expects other people to cater to her whim and feels like everything is about her. Also at times has an air of superiority. But, I can also understand her, and I think this captures the insecurity and the highs and lows of growing up. She also has many moments of self-awareness that she can and does have these flaws, and I like how the other characters point this out. It makes Autumn very real and very, very vulnerable in this sense.
Even though I knew this was going to end tragically, as was foreshadowed in the beginning, the emotional impact wasn't any less shocking, and I could feel Autumn's grief, but also, the sliver of her hope. A very intense, emotional read, that is also so easy to fall into as you take the journey with Autumn.
But this is a very tragic love story in more than one way. Finny and Autumn have loved each other for most of their lives, and for a while it seemed like they would be destined for the perfect future together...until a misunderstanding occurred when they were thirteen after an unwarranted kiss from Finny left Autumn feeling confused and scared. Since then, they have only watched each other from afar, loving and yet loathing at the same time, with so much left unsaid between them. Throughout the course of the story, we see events unravel, until they finally are able to talk about everything they have been feeling all these years and are able to claim the future they should have had along. Until tragedy rips them apart that fateful night.
The writing feels a bit fragmented, and the story is told scene by scene, which can for a while feel like a string of unrelated events, but this is intentional, and helps you get inside Autumn's head and thought process, as well as see how she interacts around others. Trust me, the events gradually build up, and you can see where the story is going. Even though we don't have Finny's POV, I can read the tension and angst Finny feels for Autumn, and I can understand the conflicting emotions Autumn has for Finny.
Autumn at time is unlikeable. At times she is selfish, insensitive to others, and expects other people to cater to her whim and feels like everything is about her. Also at times has an air of superiority. But, I can also understand her, and I think this captures the insecurity and the highs and lows of growing up. She also has many moments of self-awareness that she can and does have these flaws, and I like how the other characters point this out. It makes Autumn very real and very, very vulnerable in this sense.
Even though I knew this was going to end tragically, as was foreshadowed in the beginning, the emotional impact wasn't any less shocking, and I could feel Autumn's grief, but also, the sliver of her hope. A very intense, emotional read, that is also so easy to fall into as you take the journey with Autumn.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Alcohol, Death, and Grief
Moderate: Car accident, Death, Suicidal thoughts, and Suicide attempt
Minor: Pregnancy