A review by katiacarlo
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love by Amir Levine

3.0

Honestly there was a lot to gain from this book, and I can’t deny that I learned a lot. However, I found myself going back and forth looking for any advice on anxious-anxious relationships (AKA two anxiously attached people in a couple) and I couldn’t believe that there was absolutely nothing on this particular match! If I missed something, I would love for someone to point it out, but I went through the chapters and searched for key words with my reading app (not to mention, I read the whole book). I am shocked that the book didn’t touch on this whatsoever. The anxious chapter focused on the fact that anxious people should seek secures and NOT avoidants, but said nothing about two anxious people being together. In a way, if almost feels like the authors purposefully avoided this hypothetical scenario as well. There were no anecdotes from avoidant-avoidant and anxious-anxious couples, but the former was mentioned to be rare as a disclaimer. The lack of advice for anxious-anxious relationships was strange and unsettling because nearly every other match was discussed. It felt like there was a huge gap in this book that was intentionally overlooked. I also don’t recall mental illness being mentioned in-depth or the impact this might have on attachment styles or the ability to connect in certain ways. I also wasn’t a huge fan of how black-and-white the recommendations of this book were. Suggesting that it is nearly impossible for people with certain attachment styles to be together is very rigid advice with little room for flexibility. Perhaps it’s true, and I agree with it to some extent, but there is little room for contemplation.