phonotactless 's review for:

Carry On by Rainbow Rowell

5.0

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okay folks we're back to doing reviews as texts to brandon but i'm going to stop numbering them because keeping that record is not worth my sanity

1. ok i'm reinstuting text reviews and the first book will be carry on and my first question is
why does the dude on the cover look a Lot like newt scamander in the fantastic beasts movies

i have no idea how to answer that question but lowkey he could get it

2. all i've done so far is look at the map and read the first page and i've already decided that commenting on thinly veiled harry potter references are now off limits
it's too easy

3. the big bad is called the insidious humdrum l m a o

my stripper name tbh

4. their school uniform is a purple/green blazer and grey trousers
the aroaces win this one

okay LOVE THIS FOR THEM. I would wear that tbfh

5. ok the dumbledore stand-in drove goblins out of essex bc they were eating drunk people in club bathrooms and he was worried about losing the dialect
we stan

uhhhh we stan a language preservationist

6. someone's last name is wellbelove and how is that not just lovegood
she is also the most relatable bitch
"someday simon won't come back [..] and however i react, it won't be enough [...] what if it's like the time our collie got hit by a car? i cried, but only because i knew i was supposed to, but not because i couldn't help it [...] maybe i don't have that sort of love in me"

i feel like she should't be relatable because I am reading a book about sociopaths rn and Emma this is what sociopaths are
I can confirm I was a sociopath once

lowkey i might be a sociopath

you are definitely not I have seen you cry enough

7. this magical school actually has classes in political science what a concept

we love a politically aware trade school

8. there is a creature called worseger
which is like a badger but worse
and i want to hate it but i can't

i love this
we love morphology

WHY IS THIS BOOK USING CHOMSKY AS AN EXPLETIVE
AS IN "CHOMSKY KNOWS WHY"

HAHAHA is Rainbow a linguist

ok i mean yes but no bc all the other swears are like morgana, crowley, other great magic and/or demon people
and they refer to saying things like "oh jesus" as "swearing like normals"
which by analogy would make chomsky god
and i don't think a linguist would do that

9. also i love that simon snow gets called out for being a fucking dumbass
"is he racist? isn't he a race?"
and his friend is like simon shut the fuck up

10. honestly baz and simon are the definition of useless gays
they finally get around to kissing each other and
1) almost die in a fire bc they're too distracted by said kissing (fire v bad bc baz is a vampire and ergo very flammable)
2) finally manage to put out the fire
3) immediately recommence said kissing instead of, you know, leaving the forest that was very recently on fire

Okay priorities we all have them Emma

11. the reason i love this book so much is that it doesn't take itself seriously at all (see: worseger, very transparent this-boy-is-hot-and-i-want-to-kiss-him without making it like a super deep thing like YA sometimes tries to) but at the same time there's so much like, casual discussion of deep systemic issues

i guess it feels really real
like it mirrors the way our conversations go from ridiculous to very serious to back to ridiculous all in the space of three minutes

This is exactly what we need more of

12. i've found the best sentence in a book ever, everyone else can go home
"it's a hard spell and an old spell, and it only works if you understand the great vowel shift of the sixteenth century—and if you're stupidly in love."

ok closely followed by "i suppose i am gay; my therapist says that's not even in the top five things i have to sort out right now"

Omg MOOD