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A review by litwithleigh
Leave the Lights On by Liv Andersson
1.0
Thank you Crooked Lane Books and NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for an honest review. IYKYK, my reviews are ALWAYS honest.
Writing: 4/5 | Plot: LMFAAOOOOOOO/5 | Ending: oh ok?/5
SYNOPSIS
A missing boy. A husband with another family. A wife with a couple skeletons in her closet. A bunch of ?????
MY OPINION
Anddddd another author bites the dust. Similar to [b:Little Red House|60599818|Little Red House|Liv Andersson|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1649513524l/60599818._SY75_.jpg|95522248], the writing ain't BAD but it's clear the plot is written to be picked up as an HBO series, because the math did not mathulate. Even Albert Einstein couldn't figure out how any of Beatrice's behaviour added up.
I picked this up because I was intrigued by the concept of Beatrice knowing that her husband was dipping his dong in other ketchup cups and how that would play out when his son went missing... if this is what entices you as well, forget it. The book has little to do with Beatrice's wildin ass husband and missing love child and more to do with Beatrice being a stage 5 dumbass. Unfortunately, I can't say much more without spoilies soooo....
SPOILERS ALERT... SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM
Ight so Beatrice is like Shay in [b:The Last Housewife|59349100|The Last Housewife|Ashley Winstead|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1649778403l/59349100._SY75_.jpg|93510806] in regards to being indoctrined into some weird ass cult in about 15 seconds. Beatrice is kidnapped by the father of the boy that she was assigned to as a social worker and at first she's like hey this is not cool, and then the dad is like ok but I'm actually a scientist that the gov is tryna kill because I'm too smart for these fools... and if you need proof here's my notebooks. Beatrice reads them and then suddenly she's okay with being kidnapped and not only that but she's in LOVE with her kidnapper???? HUH??? So you read his lil diary and was like, yep checks out, and it totally makes sense as to why he had to hold me captive! Girl cmon.
The author completely skipped the steps where Beatrice is mentally broken down by this paranoid schizophrenic loser and succumbs to being held captive. One day she's not chill with it, and the next day she's going full Martha Stewart in the kitchen for the family. Also, she's given a car to buss around town but never thinks of driving to the police station... oh and I guess no one gives af about her disappearance because the police stop by one time to question the family (it was the last place she was seen) and then... that's it? She even goes out to a whole ass job interview and no one blinks an eyes. Ok then.
In the present, Beatrice is obvi being hunted down by someone who knows her sordid past. At one point, she's on this secluded island where she's renovating some janky ass former asylum, and she finds the exact outfit she wore to her job interview (where she unknowingly dropped off a bomb), in full display. So what does miss smarty pants do? Get off the island? Call the police? Nope. She runs into the rain, stops, and screams at full volume while "the rain washes away my tears" AND THEN SHE GOES BACK TO THE COTTAGE AND PAINST A WHOLE ASS MURAL DURING THE NIGHT???? LMFAOAOODJFOJFOJF??????? Literal Darwinism. Why call the police or get to safety when you can express yourself with art???????
The same shit happens again and again on this secluded island to the point where you're like, hoe if you die, I really don't care, you kinda deserve it. At one point, Beatrice decides that her torturer must've packed their bags and given up because their antics stop, so she just continues on as normal LMAOOO. Sooooo you don't actually want to know who was behind all this? But of course shit starts up again and Beatrice decides now is the perfect time to hunt down some professor and ask if he wants to do something with the patient files she found while cleaning out the abandoned asylum? Because we really needed four pages of that journey when SOMEONE IS TRYNA RUIN YOUR WHOLE ASS LIFE??????
Ok ad somewhere along the way Beatrice hires a PI who has the skills of my dog Nobu tryna get to his bed in the dark (good luck, buddy). In fact, Beatrice has to tell this guy "did you try searching for him with his maiden name?" and he dead ass says "you think that'll help?" JFC did this man have a lobotomy or something? Later, Beatrice has to once again tell mans how to do his job to find Luke, who happens to just be a short trip away, living his best life as a gay carpenter. Because of course he is. Beatrice, I sincerely hope you asked for a refund, because this PI couldn't detect his left foot from his right.
Then we get to the end which is either 1) the world's most abrupt cliffhanger or 2) setting this up to be a series. Please not #2. We don't need any more of Beatrice's stupid ass antics. Again, nothing made sense during this scene. So homegirl has been bopping about tryna psychologically torture you, setting off bombs, and snatching innocent children but when you finally find her... she's just chillin and is like hey wanna go inside to this isolated home and talk? And Beatrice is like, le duh, I love walking into the lion's den. And to top it all off, you help homegirl ESCAPE on a boat to Canada with you??? FOR WHAT??????????????
SPOILERS DONE
Liv, you can actually write, but your plots are messier than I was on my 21st birthday after 10 $1 shots. Get yourself a developmental editor and sort this shit out because you're wasting your talents on this nonsensical faffing about ass plot. A big disappointment.
PROS AND CONS
Pros: 256 pages only, the prose is actually good
Cons: the plot made absolutely no sense, Beatrice is the world's dumbest "protagonist", the ending was ??????
_____________________________
For some sick reason, do you want to hear more of my nonsense? Check out my podcast: Novels & Nonsense streaming everywhere.
Writing: 4/5 | Plot: LMFAAOOOOOOO/5 | Ending: oh ok?/5
SYNOPSIS
A missing boy. A husband with another family. A wife with a couple skeletons in her closet. A bunch of ?????
MY OPINION
Anddddd another author bites the dust. Similar to [b:Little Red House|60599818|Little Red House|Liv Andersson|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1649513524l/60599818._SY75_.jpg|95522248], the writing ain't BAD but it's clear the plot is written to be picked up as an HBO series, because the math did not mathulate. Even Albert Einstein couldn't figure out how any of Beatrice's behaviour added up.
I picked this up because I was intrigued by the concept of Beatrice knowing that her husband was dipping his dong in other ketchup cups and how that would play out when his son went missing... if this is what entices you as well, forget it. The book has little to do with Beatrice's wildin ass husband and missing love child and more to do with Beatrice being a stage 5 dumbass. Unfortunately, I can't say much more without spoilies soooo....
SPOILERS ALERT... SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM
Ight so Beatrice is like Shay in [b:The Last Housewife|59349100|The Last Housewife|Ashley Winstead|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1649778403l/59349100._SY75_.jpg|93510806] in regards to being indoctrined into some weird ass cult in about 15 seconds. Beatrice is kidnapped by the father of the boy that she was assigned to as a social worker and at first she's like hey this is not cool, and then the dad is like ok but I'm actually a scientist that the gov is tryna kill because I'm too smart for these fools... and if you need proof here's my notebooks. Beatrice reads them and then suddenly she's okay with being kidnapped and not only that but she's in LOVE with her kidnapper???? HUH??? So you read his lil diary and was like, yep checks out, and it totally makes sense as to why he had to hold me captive! Girl cmon.
The author completely skipped the steps where Beatrice is mentally broken down by this paranoid schizophrenic loser and succumbs to being held captive. One day she's not chill with it, and the next day she's going full Martha Stewart in the kitchen for the family. Also, she's given a car to buss around town but never thinks of driving to the police station... oh and I guess no one gives af about her disappearance because the police stop by one time to question the family (it was the last place she was seen) and then... that's it? She even goes out to a whole ass job interview and no one blinks an eyes. Ok then.
In the present, Beatrice is obvi being hunted down by someone who knows her sordid past. At one point, she's on this secluded island where she's renovating some janky ass former asylum, and she finds the exact outfit she wore to her job interview (where she unknowingly dropped off a bomb), in full display. So what does miss smarty pants do? Get off the island? Call the police? Nope. She runs into the rain, stops, and screams at full volume while "the rain washes away my tears" AND THEN SHE GOES BACK TO THE COTTAGE AND PAINST A WHOLE ASS MURAL DURING THE NIGHT???? LMFAOAOODJFOJFOJF??????? Literal Darwinism. Why call the police or get to safety when you can express yourself with art???????
The same shit happens again and again on this secluded island to the point where you're like, hoe if you die, I really don't care, you kinda deserve it. At one point, Beatrice decides that her torturer must've packed their bags and given up because their antics stop, so she just continues on as normal LMAOOO. Sooooo you don't actually want to know who was behind all this? But of course shit starts up again and Beatrice decides now is the perfect time to hunt down some professor and ask if he wants to do something with the patient files she found while cleaning out the abandoned asylum? Because we really needed four pages of that journey when SOMEONE IS TRYNA RUIN YOUR WHOLE ASS LIFE??????
Ok ad somewhere along the way Beatrice hires a PI who has the skills of my dog Nobu tryna get to his bed in the dark (good luck, buddy). In fact, Beatrice has to tell this guy "did you try searching for him with his maiden name?" and he dead ass says "you think that'll help?" JFC did this man have a lobotomy or something? Later, Beatrice has to once again tell mans how to do his job to find Luke, who happens to just be a short trip away, living his best life as a gay carpenter. Because of course he is. Beatrice, I sincerely hope you asked for a refund, because this PI couldn't detect his left foot from his right.
Then we get to the end which is either 1) the world's most abrupt cliffhanger or 2) setting this up to be a series. Please not #2. We don't need any more of Beatrice's stupid ass antics. Again, nothing made sense during this scene. So homegirl has been bopping about tryna psychologically torture you, setting off bombs, and snatching innocent children but when you finally find her... she's just chillin and is like hey wanna go inside to this isolated home and talk? And Beatrice is like, le duh, I love walking into the lion's den. And to top it all off, you help homegirl ESCAPE on a boat to Canada with you??? FOR WHAT??????????????
SPOILERS DONE
Liv, you can actually write, but your plots are messier than I was on my 21st birthday after 10 $1 shots. Get yourself a developmental editor and sort this shit out because you're wasting your talents on this nonsensical faffing about ass plot. A big disappointment.
PROS AND CONS
Pros: 256 pages only, the prose is actually good
Cons: the plot made absolutely no sense, Beatrice is the world's dumbest "protagonist", the ending was ??????
_____________________________
For some sick reason, do you want to hear more of my nonsense? Check out my podcast: Novels & Nonsense streaming everywhere.