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A review by libralita
The Dark Talent: Alcatraz vs. the Evil Librarians by Brandon Sanderson
5.0
Reread Review (Spoilers for the ~Entire~ Series): http://libralita.tumblr.com/post/166505232024/reread-review
Well, that was fucked up.
~Spoilers~
This first part of the book was fun and light hearted and then…sadness ensues…
*Long, drawn out sigh* Okay, why are the chapters numbers replaced with names?
“*People who use footnotes in boos are very smart, and you can trust what they say.”—Page 17
I’m sure.
NOW the Monarchs of various kingdoms are sending support. Wait, Grandpa Smedry is complaining about someone being too late? Wow, this world has a cruel sense of irony.
“You can’t stop this war from progressing. So it’s time for you to stand up, stop whining, and either help or get out of my way.”—Page 30
Yeah!
“…or ‘I really didn’t mean to invade Poland.’ No, this kid truly did nothing wrong.”—Page 31
Wait…was that a “Hitler did nothing wrong” joke?
“‘Penguinator?’ Shasta said flatly.”—Page 52
I like Shasta.
Uh, hi, Draulin.
“‘Irresponsible troublemaker,’ Draulin said.
‘Stick-in-the-mud.’
‘Detestable threat to peace.’
‘Tu’mi’kapi.’
‘That’s a new one.’
‘It means ‘old bat’ in Mokian.’
‘Ah.’
‘A term of endearment, of course.’
‘Among bats, perhaps,’ Draulin said, settling herself into a seat with a clink.”—Page 59
This is going to be fun.
“Draulin reached out sideways with a sudden motion and punched my mother in the face with a gauntleted hand.”—Page 60
Draulin! Okay, that was kind of hilarious…
Draulin, you brought Bastille? That’s insane!
“And suddenly I found myself hating Dif with a raw, insidious passion. It was completely unfair, completely uncharitable, and completely beneath me. I felt it anyway.
I shoved down this emotion, ashamed. Why would I hate Dif? He was a little eccentric, but so were we all. We were…Smedrys…and…
Were the rest of us this bad?”—Page 83
Yes. (I regret saying this.)
“‘I’ll try.’
‘There is no Try.’”—Page 88
I see what you did there.
Oh, c’mon, leave Frank alone.
“Being sued by J.K. Rowling”—Page 147
A fear that I’m sure Rick Riordan has ever day.
Oh, seeing into Shasta’s soul made me tear up. Her trying desperately to keep things in order despite wanting to comfort her child. The lens needs to be destroyed.
“You see, chapters in this book are identified like they are to call attention to a growing problem in fiction, that of disrespect for chapters and their own individual desires.”—Page 166
Oh my god.
“To bring attention to this, I’ve allowed the chapters to name themselves whatever they want. (All except Chapter Four; I put my foot own when he insisted he be allowed to have an extra o in the middle of his name.)”—Page 167
*Flips back to the Chapter 4* His name is Bob that means…BRANDON DID YOU JUST MAKE A BOOB JOKE! I’m so proud.
“It was disturbing that she was teenager not much older than me. I’d always envision all Librarians as super old. Like, in their thirties.”—Page 172
Ha!
Infidel burning? WHAT THE HELL SANDERSON?
“‘Good. Rule Two: I don’t do what you say.’
‘Great,’ I said. ‘I hereby instruct you to keep breathing.’
‘You are so annoying.’
‘Is that Rule Three?’
‘It’s a law of the universe,’”—Pages 176-177
This is great. (I bet Alcatraz regrets saying this.)
“Yeah. So, here’s a tip for you. Use a lot of puns in your writing. That way, when someone complains that you book isn’t entertaining enough—or that it makes too many self-indulgent deviations into meaningless explanations of writing techniques—you can point our your use of brilliant puns to conclusively prove that they are an ignorant savage or something.”—Page 181
Solid advice.
“*Have you figured out what kind of dinosaur she is yet?”—Page 208
*Sighs*…A Thesaurus?
“And mingle with the unwashed cretins in the humanities department?”—Page 208
HEY!
The self-destruct mechanism. BRANDON!
I KNEW IT! I KNEW THAT GRANDPA SMEDRY WAS GONNA DIE!
Dif is Biblioden the Scrivener. I had wondered why they made Dif look so creepy on cover and now I know why.
BASTILLE!
“Take him.”—Page 278
Oh my god. No, Alcatraz, you’re a thirteen year old kid. It’s not your job to sacrifice yourself. It’s your father’s job. It’s okay, baby…
Attica…holy shit, they actually killed him.
Oh god. How is this darker than Reckoners? Like, I kind of guessed that Grandpa Smedry wouldn’t actually stay dead because Middle Grade series but holy shit Alcatraz having to listen to his father get tortured. That is fucked up. Brandon Sanderson you are cruel man and Hayley Lazo is also a cruel woman for drawing a horrible picture that made me cry.
BUT NOW WE’RE GETTING THE LAST BOOK IN BASTILLE’S PERSPECTIVE! I’m going to guess that somehow Attica will live, I hope he doesn’t because…it’s more soul crushing that way.
Well, that was fucked up.
~Spoilers~
This first part of the book was fun and light hearted and then…sadness ensues…
*Long, drawn out sigh* Okay, why are the chapters numbers replaced with names?
“*People who use footnotes in boos are very smart, and you can trust what they say.”—Page 17
I’m sure.
NOW the Monarchs of various kingdoms are sending support. Wait, Grandpa Smedry is complaining about someone being too late? Wow, this world has a cruel sense of irony.
“You can’t stop this war from progressing. So it’s time for you to stand up, stop whining, and either help or get out of my way.”—Page 30
Yeah!
“…or ‘I really didn’t mean to invade Poland.’ No, this kid truly did nothing wrong.”—Page 31
Wait…was that a “Hitler did nothing wrong” joke?
“‘Penguinator?’ Shasta said flatly.”—Page 52
I like Shasta.
Uh, hi, Draulin.
“‘Irresponsible troublemaker,’ Draulin said.
‘Stick-in-the-mud.’
‘Detestable threat to peace.’
‘Tu’mi’kapi.’
‘That’s a new one.’
‘It means ‘old bat’ in Mokian.’
‘Ah.’
‘A term of endearment, of course.’
‘Among bats, perhaps,’ Draulin said, settling herself into a seat with a clink.”—Page 59
This is going to be fun.
“Draulin reached out sideways with a sudden motion and punched my mother in the face with a gauntleted hand.”—Page 60
Draulin! Okay, that was kind of hilarious…
Draulin, you brought Bastille? That’s insane!
“And suddenly I found myself hating Dif with a raw, insidious passion. It was completely unfair, completely uncharitable, and completely beneath me. I felt it anyway.
I shoved down this emotion, ashamed. Why would I hate Dif? He was a little eccentric, but so were we all. We were…Smedrys…and…
Were the rest of us this bad?”—Page 83
Yes. (I regret saying this.)
“‘I’ll try.’
‘There is no Try.’”—Page 88
I see what you did there.
Oh, c’mon, leave Frank alone.
“Being sued by J.K. Rowling”—Page 147
A fear that I’m sure Rick Riordan has ever day.
Oh, seeing into Shasta’s soul made me tear up. Her trying desperately to keep things in order despite wanting to comfort her child. The lens needs to be destroyed.
“You see, chapters in this book are identified like they are to call attention to a growing problem in fiction, that of disrespect for chapters and their own individual desires.”—Page 166
Oh my god.
“To bring attention to this, I’ve allowed the chapters to name themselves whatever they want. (All except Chapter Four; I put my foot own when he insisted he be allowed to have an extra o in the middle of his name.)”—Page 167
*Flips back to the Chapter 4* His name is Bob that means…BRANDON DID YOU JUST MAKE A BOOB JOKE! I’m so proud.
“It was disturbing that she was teenager not much older than me. I’d always envision all Librarians as super old. Like, in their thirties.”—Page 172
Ha!
Infidel burning? WHAT THE HELL SANDERSON?
“‘Good. Rule Two: I don’t do what you say.’
‘Great,’ I said. ‘I hereby instruct you to keep breathing.’
‘You are so annoying.’
‘Is that Rule Three?’
‘It’s a law of the universe,’”—Pages 176-177
This is great. (I bet Alcatraz regrets saying this.)
“Yeah. So, here’s a tip for you. Use a lot of puns in your writing. That way, when someone complains that you book isn’t entertaining enough—or that it makes too many self-indulgent deviations into meaningless explanations of writing techniques—you can point our your use of brilliant puns to conclusively prove that they are an ignorant savage or something.”—Page 181
Solid advice.
“*Have you figured out what kind of dinosaur she is yet?”—Page 208
*Sighs*…A Thesaurus?
“And mingle with the unwashed cretins in the humanities department?”—Page 208
HEY!
The self-destruct mechanism. BRANDON!
I KNEW IT! I KNEW THAT GRANDPA SMEDRY WAS GONNA DIE!
Dif is Biblioden the Scrivener. I had wondered why they made Dif look so creepy on cover and now I know why.
BASTILLE!
“Take him.”—Page 278
Oh my god. No, Alcatraz, you’re a thirteen year old kid. It’s not your job to sacrifice yourself. It’s your father’s job. It’s okay, baby…
Attica…holy shit, they actually killed him.
Oh god. How is this darker than Reckoners? Like, I kind of guessed that Grandpa Smedry wouldn’t actually stay dead because Middle Grade series but holy shit Alcatraz having to listen to his father get tortured. That is fucked up. Brandon Sanderson you are cruel man and Hayley Lazo is also a cruel woman for drawing a horrible picture that made me cry.
BUT NOW WE’RE GETTING THE LAST BOOK IN BASTILLE’S PERSPECTIVE! I’m going to guess that somehow Attica will live, I hope he doesn’t because…it’s more soul crushing that way.