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A review by mezzarella
It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle by Mark Wolynn
challenging
informative
reflective
slow-paced
2.0
Wolynn creates an approach to trauma which involves the vicious cycle of family experience and pain. While there is undoubtedly a need for this type of literature, I worry about what people whose experiences don’t fit the heteronormative and well-meaning-but-hurt—inside will take away from reading the book.
This read helped me contemplate how much forgiveness and boundaries I wanted to incorporate in my own challenging experiences growing up. While I don’t believe one must accept and wholly forgive family. In order to heal, I believe this book has helped me understand why family members have hurt me without realizing due to their own past experiences with their families. Obviously said but harder to practice, I am grateful to have a perspective separate from avoiding family with little hope for healing. I do wish there were less antedates and more stated research, and I found myself unsure if sections were based on evidence or beliefs. Religion was brought up repeatedly, which didn’t help me, as faith is not a regular part of my life.
This read helped me contemplate how much forgiveness and boundaries I wanted to incorporate in my own challenging experiences growing up. While I don’t believe one must accept and wholly forgive family. In order to heal, I believe this book has helped me understand why family members have hurt me without realizing due to their own past experiences with their families. Obviously said but harder to practice, I am grateful to have a perspective separate from avoiding family with little hope for healing. I do wish there were less antedates and more stated research, and I found myself unsure if sections were based on evidence or beliefs. Religion was brought up repeatedly, which didn’t help me, as faith is not a regular part of my life.