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A review by vinisha
How to Think More About Sex by Alain de Botton
informative
reflective
medium-paced
3.0
This book offers some polarizing views; some perspectives serve as good insights while others come across as utterly bizarre, especially his views on adultery.
“In a well-judged marriage, spouses should not blame each other for occasional infidelities; instead they should feel proud that they have for the most part managed to remain committed to their union. Too many people start off in relationships by putting the moral emphasis in the wrong place, smugly mocking the urge to stray as if it were something disgusting and unthinkable. But in truth, it is the ability to stay that is both wondrous and worthy of honour, though it is too often simply taken for granted and deemed the normal state of affairs. That a couple should be willing to watch their lives go by from within the cage of marriage, without acting on outside sexual impulses, is a miracle of civilization and kindness for which they ought both to feel grateful on a daily basis.”
-yea, man’s lost his marbles, I’d love to know what his partner has to say about this 🥴
He briefly mentions the Karezza method, where the emphasis is not on sexual passion but spiritual love for another person—shifting the focus from orgasm to getting in touch with sensuality. And I absolutely loved the section where he explored love as a bourgeois construct. (Cue the Pet shop boys reference😆) this notion where class structures has an impact on love and marriage trends. How the expectations of society shaped desires for the same conservative values of exclusivity, monogamy, stability etc. in marriage. He proceeds to explain that in the 18th century, the bourgeois approach of marriage was replaced by love-based unions. Where marriage transitioned from being an institution to being the consecration of feeling, from being an external rite of passage to it being an internally motivated response to an emotional state. Quite interesting, I must say.
Other notable quotes-
“Nothing is erotic that isn’t also, with the wrong person, revolting, which is precisely what makes erotic moments so intense: at the precise juncture where disgust could be at its height, we find only welcome and permission”
“The more closely we analyse what we consider ‘sexy’, the more clearly we will understand that eroticism is the feeling of excitement we experience at finding another human being who shares our values and our sense of the meaning of existence” (100% agree with you there sir)
Now, upon completing Normal People it seemed natural to delve into this book. In the end, the author has referenced his “homework” books and they sound super interesting. Is the curious cat going to jump deeper down the rabbit hole in the name of science? Hell yeah! 😂
“In a well-judged marriage, spouses should not blame each other for occasional infidelities; instead they should feel proud that they have for the most part managed to remain committed to their union. Too many people start off in relationships by putting the moral emphasis in the wrong place, smugly mocking the urge to stray as if it were something disgusting and unthinkable. But in truth, it is the ability to stay that is both wondrous and worthy of honour, though it is too often simply taken for granted and deemed the normal state of affairs. That a couple should be willing to watch their lives go by from within the cage of marriage, without acting on outside sexual impulses, is a miracle of civilization and kindness for which they ought both to feel grateful on a daily basis.”
-yea, man’s lost his marbles, I’d love to know what his partner has to say about this 🥴
He briefly mentions the Karezza method, where the emphasis is not on sexual passion but spiritual love for another person—shifting the focus from orgasm to getting in touch with sensuality. And I absolutely loved the section where he explored love as a bourgeois construct. (Cue the Pet shop boys reference😆) this notion where class structures has an impact on love and marriage trends. How the expectations of society shaped desires for the same conservative values of exclusivity, monogamy, stability etc. in marriage. He proceeds to explain that in the 18th century, the bourgeois approach of marriage was replaced by love-based unions. Where marriage transitioned from being an institution to being the consecration of feeling, from being an external rite of passage to it being an internally motivated response to an emotional state. Quite interesting, I must say.
Other notable quotes-
“Nothing is erotic that isn’t also, with the wrong person, revolting, which is precisely what makes erotic moments so intense: at the precise juncture where disgust could be at its height, we find only welcome and permission”
“The more closely we analyse what we consider ‘sexy’, the more clearly we will understand that eroticism is the feeling of excitement we experience at finding another human being who shares our values and our sense of the meaning of existence” (100% agree with you there sir)
Now, upon completing Normal People it seemed natural to delve into this book. In the end, the author has referenced his “homework” books and they sound super interesting. Is the curious cat going to jump deeper down the rabbit hole in the name of science? Hell yeah! 😂