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A review by sil_the_lobster
Collide by Riley Hart
1.0
I wasn’t sure about downloading this one. I’m not too wild about the whole ‘Gay for You’ trope but I’m a sucker for ‘Friends to Lovers’, and I really like the whole m/m genre and am always happy to discover new and promising authors. Add a reasonable price, and I’m in.
Boy, was I ever wrong. No, wait. It’s not the story itself that put me off. Both characters are likeable enough, and although I could have done with less flashbacks to emphasize their great childhood friendship they didn’t really hurt, either. What did hurt, however, and what did spoil the book for me and made me close it without finishing… the language. Editing, anybody? Spelling and grammar? When it comes to indie books or SP works, I’m a lot more forgiving than with books that come from major publishers, but when I actually pay for a book (as opposed to reading, say, fanfiction), I expect a certain quality of speech, and I expect an author to know his/her language, meaning: there’s a difference between the characters’ dialogues, their inner monologues, and the narrative part of a story.
When the characters talk to each other, it’s perfectly OK to use everyday speech, street slang, whatever you want to call it. It will make the character more believable, more colourful and realistic. It’s also OK to use that kind of language when reflecting that person’s inner thoughts. But sentences like “… Cooper felt like a fucking idiot for even thinking that…”, “Did he already fuck-up somehow?”, “…begging him to hurry the fuck up…” just make me cringe. It’s a bit too much of fucking this and fucking that, no matter how often it’s used in real life. Besides, both men make their entrance by uttering “Motherfucker” as their first word ever in that story. Just because J.R. Ward uses fast-paced street slang for her Black Dagger novels doesn’t mean everyone can do it. Well, everyone has a right to do it, of course, but look at how she switches from street slang to a more neutral speech, depending on the situation. Read and learn. Or better yet, pick up a Stephen King novel and learn from the Master himself.
As for the sex scenes… no. Just, no. Not working for me. It’s like the author’s trying so hard to write steamy, dirty man-on-man sex, she’s overdosing on the vocabulary and neglects one of the key elements of good sex scenes which is… emotion. Quipping about touching a prick that is not one’s own just isn’t enough. What does it all feel like? What does it smell, taste like? What is it about Noah that makes Cooper want to have sex with him, a man? His abdominal V? Purlease. Why would a man who’s been straight all of his life suddenly desire another man? Not being prone to homophobia doesn’t equal the sudden desire to bed one’s best friend. And for me, that’s the key point of a GFY story, and a point that’s usually neglected for the sake of steamy sex scenes (and that’s why I don’t particularly like that trope).
And yet, I would have given the author another try because I’m all for supporting indie authors and promoting the m/m genre but when I browse the reviews of some of her other books I see the language issue still hasn’t been solved and too many readers still criticize her storytelling/characterization abilities. I tend to make up my own mind about things but if too many people repeatedly point their fingers at the exact same things that put me off, too… well, sorry, but I don’t think I’m going to read another one of her novels.
Boy, was I ever wrong. No, wait. It’s not the story itself that put me off. Both characters are likeable enough, and although I could have done with less flashbacks to emphasize their great childhood friendship they didn’t really hurt, either. What did hurt, however, and what did spoil the book for me and made me close it without finishing… the language. Editing, anybody? Spelling and grammar? When it comes to indie books or SP works, I’m a lot more forgiving than with books that come from major publishers, but when I actually pay for a book (as opposed to reading, say, fanfiction), I expect a certain quality of speech, and I expect an author to know his/her language, meaning: there’s a difference between the characters’ dialogues, their inner monologues, and the narrative part of a story.
When the characters talk to each other, it’s perfectly OK to use everyday speech, street slang, whatever you want to call it. It will make the character more believable, more colourful and realistic. It’s also OK to use that kind of language when reflecting that person’s inner thoughts. But sentences like “… Cooper felt like a fucking idiot for even thinking that…”, “Did he already fuck-up somehow?”, “…begging him to hurry the fuck up…” just make me cringe. It’s a bit too much of fucking this and fucking that, no matter how often it’s used in real life. Besides, both men make their entrance by uttering “Motherfucker” as their first word ever in that story. Just because J.R. Ward uses fast-paced street slang for her Black Dagger novels doesn’t mean everyone can do it. Well, everyone has a right to do it, of course, but look at how she switches from street slang to a more neutral speech, depending on the situation. Read and learn. Or better yet, pick up a Stephen King novel and learn from the Master himself.
As for the sex scenes… no. Just, no. Not working for me. It’s like the author’s trying so hard to write steamy, dirty man-on-man sex, she’s overdosing on the vocabulary and neglects one of the key elements of good sex scenes which is… emotion. Quipping about touching a prick that is not one’s own just isn’t enough. What does it all feel like? What does it smell, taste like? What is it about Noah that makes Cooper want to have sex with him, a man? His abdominal V? Purlease. Why would a man who’s been straight all of his life suddenly desire another man? Not being prone to homophobia doesn’t equal the sudden desire to bed one’s best friend. And for me, that’s the key point of a GFY story, and a point that’s usually neglected for the sake of steamy sex scenes (and that’s why I don’t particularly like that trope).
And yet, I would have given the author another try because I’m all for supporting indie authors and promoting the m/m genre but when I browse the reviews of some of her other books I see the language issue still hasn’t been solved and too many readers still criticize her storytelling/characterization abilities. I tend to make up my own mind about things but if too many people repeatedly point their fingers at the exact same things that put me off, too… well, sorry, but I don’t think I’m going to read another one of her novels.