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A review by genzuya
The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman
2.0
I am very torn with this book. It was an interesting read--I had actually discovered mine and my husband's love languages and it has been helpful with our communication--but I do not agree with the author about a lot of things.
From a psychological standpoint, it was not very professional. It felt as though he was trying to paint himself as a perfect, God-loving, miracle-working man. It was a little too cookie-cutter for me. He often talks about how his patients and clients would boast about how "amazing" and "flawless" he is, which seems very vain to me. To me, it came off as him bragging about his achievements rather than actually trying to help.
Also, when he said that men are programmed to crave sex more because of their build-up of sperm, I nearly died of laughter. Not only is that highly incorrect, I feel it is ridiculous. I feel as though Gary Chapman is very misogynistic. He frequently talks about women doing their husbands favors such as having sex with them even when they don't want to, cook for them more, clean for them more, and other stereotypical things, and when I told my husband that he laughed and said, "Housework should be divided fifty-fifty."
There isn't much of a variety, either. Every couple he talks about are church goers, upper middle-class, white, and heterosexual. Notice a pattern here? It made me feel alienated and a little angry. It came off as pompous, like "Look at us! We're so awesome because we love God and are heterosexual and make a decent amount of money! Love us!" My husband and I are not religious; I'm not heterosexual; and we would fit somewhere in the middle-lower class. I felt as though I wasn't good enough to be reading it, and I thought maybe it was a personal problem of mine until I had read other people felt that way.
On the other hand, it did help with mine and my husband's communication. I am not an emotional person in the least bit and can't compliment anything to save my life, but after I had discovered my husband's second love language was Words of Affirmation (Quality Time being both of our main one), I began to work on my communication skills and started expressing how I feel about him more. When he discovered my second love language was Acts of Service, he started helping me with errands more.
I'm very torn being hating and liking this book.
From a psychological standpoint, it was not very professional. It felt as though he was trying to paint himself as a perfect, God-loving, miracle-working man. It was a little too cookie-cutter for me. He often talks about how his patients and clients would boast about how "amazing" and "flawless" he is, which seems very vain to me. To me, it came off as him bragging about his achievements rather than actually trying to help.
Also, when he said that men are programmed to crave sex more because of their build-up of sperm, I nearly died of laughter. Not only is that highly incorrect, I feel it is ridiculous. I feel as though Gary Chapman is very misogynistic. He frequently talks about women doing their husbands favors such as having sex with them even when they don't want to, cook for them more, clean for them more, and other stereotypical things, and when I told my husband that he laughed and said, "Housework should be divided fifty-fifty."
There isn't much of a variety, either. Every couple he talks about are church goers, upper middle-class, white, and heterosexual. Notice a pattern here? It made me feel alienated and a little angry. It came off as pompous, like "Look at us! We're so awesome because we love God and are heterosexual and make a decent amount of money! Love us!" My husband and I are not religious; I'm not heterosexual; and we would fit somewhere in the middle-lower class. I felt as though I wasn't good enough to be reading it, and I thought maybe it was a personal problem of mine until I had read other people felt that way.
On the other hand, it did help with mine and my husband's communication. I am not an emotional person in the least bit and can't compliment anything to save my life, but after I had discovered my husband's second love language was Words of Affirmation (Quality Time being both of our main one), I began to work on my communication skills and started expressing how I feel about him more. When he discovered my second love language was Acts of Service, he started helping me with errands more.
I'm very torn being hating and liking this book.