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sfitz123 's review for:
Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
by Doug Abrams, John Gottman, Rachel Carlton Abrams, Julie Schwartz Gottman
3.5 stars
Review copy provided courtesy of NetGalley. Review is unbiased and reflects my personal opinion.
The premise of this relationship self-help book is that the eight conversations held within are necessary ones you and your partner should have in order to have a happy lifelong relationship. The first part of the book introduces you to the authors, the research that went into creating the exercises outlined in each chapter and different strategies for having what can be difficult conversations. The following eight chapters each cover a different date or conversation prefaced by a story about a couple who went on the date and what they learned. The end of the book surmises the findings and offers bonus exercises.
While the book is supposedly geared towards all couples lets be clear that it is more accurately geared towards those who are considering making a lifetime commitment to one another or those who have with the past few years. While couples who fall outside of that category may also find it interesting, those who aren't at that point yet in their relationships will be at a loss for what to do with some of the exercises and those that are much further in may find it better to pick and chose which "dates" best meet their current needs.
The book also purports to be for all couples regardless of gender. Here I am a little torn. The exercises themselves work fairly hard to be gender neutral, and at least appear as though they would work for couples of all gender. However of the majority of the examples given at the beginning of each chapter involve heteronormative couples, along with a handful of same sex couples. This may be due to lack of available research as the authors note but it leaves the book very much feeling like it is geared more towards heteronormative couples.
They do embrace a wide range of definitions for family and spirituality along with other topics. I was very happy to see in the family section to see that not having kids was seen as a valid life option and one to be upfront about. Also in there section on spirituality, they do not use religion and spirituality interchangeably but allow for a personal definition of spirituality to be developed.
Overall I think for couples that are looking to spend a lifetime together and need a little help getting started with difficult conversations regarding finances, family and more these "dates" or conversation exercises could be a great way to get started.
Review copy provided courtesy of NetGalley. Review is unbiased and reflects my personal opinion.
The premise of this relationship self-help book is that the eight conversations held within are necessary ones you and your partner should have in order to have a happy lifelong relationship. The first part of the book introduces you to the authors, the research that went into creating the exercises outlined in each chapter and different strategies for having what can be difficult conversations. The following eight chapters each cover a different date or conversation prefaced by a story about a couple who went on the date and what they learned. The end of the book surmises the findings and offers bonus exercises.
While the book is supposedly geared towards all couples lets be clear that it is more accurately geared towards those who are considering making a lifetime commitment to one another or those who have with the past few years. While couples who fall outside of that category may also find it interesting, those who aren't at that point yet in their relationships will be at a loss for what to do with some of the exercises and those that are much further in may find it better to pick and chose which "dates" best meet their current needs.
The book also purports to be for all couples regardless of gender. Here I am a little torn. The exercises themselves work fairly hard to be gender neutral, and at least appear as though they would work for couples of all gender. However of the majority of the examples given at the beginning of each chapter involve heteronormative couples, along with a handful of same sex couples. This may be due to lack of available research as the authors note but it leaves the book very much feeling like it is geared more towards heteronormative couples.
They do embrace a wide range of definitions for family and spirituality along with other topics. I was very happy to see in the family section to see that not having kids was seen as a valid life option and one to be upfront about. Also in there section on spirituality, they do not use religion and spirituality interchangeably but allow for a personal definition of spirituality to be developed.
Overall I think for couples that are looking to spend a lifetime together and need a little help getting started with difficult conversations regarding finances, family and more these "dates" or conversation exercises could be a great way to get started.