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lostcupofstars 's review for:
Things in Nature Merely Grow
by Yiyun Li
‘I am not a grieving mother. I am the mother who will live, every single day, for the rest of my life, with the pain of losing Vincent and James, and with the memory of bringing them up.’
So initially I struggled to connect with this because there was a lot of Greek history mentioned and plays and things and it was losing my interest, but I stuck with it and I’m really glad I did.
I feel like I learnt a fair amount from this read. Li didn’t mince any of her words, and certainly didn’t use any unnecessarily.
I had expected this to be a book about her sons, but it’s actually much bigger than that. There were some heart wrenching truths on grief vs mourning, and shallow sentiments from neighbours, friends and random strangers.
Considering that this was a book for James, I didn’t feel like he was mentioned much at all. We definitely got a much clearer picture of who Vincent was…but perhaps that’s the point? Maybe James was who he was because of who Vincent was? I don’t have the answers, but it was something I picked up on and wondered about.
I bookmarked a good few pages, especially when she was addressing people who had tried to take advantage of her mourning and also highlighting how some well meaning platitudes can often do more harm than good.
‘Sometimes there is no silver lining in life. Some consolations are strictly and purely for the consolers themselves. Please hold on to your silver linings, as I must decline.’
I think this is a read you might not necessarily understand or connect with if you haven’t lost a child, particularly to suicide, but I think there is value in her sharing this with us.
She addresses the way we confront (or don’t confront) death as people, and how that affects the way we interact with those who have suffered loss. There is much to be learnt here and if you are in a headspace where you can handle this, I recommend it.
So initially I struggled to connect with this because there was a lot of Greek history mentioned and plays and things and it was losing my interest, but I stuck with it and I’m really glad I did.
I feel like I learnt a fair amount from this read. Li didn’t mince any of her words, and certainly didn’t use any unnecessarily.
I had expected this to be a book about her sons, but it’s actually much bigger than that. There were some heart wrenching truths on grief vs mourning, and shallow sentiments from neighbours, friends and random strangers.
Considering that this was a book for James, I didn’t feel like he was mentioned much at all. We definitely got a much clearer picture of who Vincent was…but perhaps that’s the point? Maybe James was who he was because of who Vincent was? I don’t have the answers, but it was something I picked up on and wondered about.
I bookmarked a good few pages, especially when she was addressing people who had tried to take advantage of her mourning and also highlighting how some well meaning platitudes can often do more harm than good.
‘Sometimes there is no silver lining in life. Some consolations are strictly and purely for the consolers themselves. Please hold on to your silver linings, as I must decline.’
I think this is a read you might not necessarily understand or connect with if you haven’t lost a child, particularly to suicide, but I think there is value in her sharing this with us.
She addresses the way we confront (or don’t confront) death as people, and how that affects the way we interact with those who have suffered loss. There is much to be learnt here and if you are in a headspace where you can handle this, I recommend it.