You need to sign in or sign up before continuing.

5.0

Read this one while I was sitting inside a big cake at my estranged brother Johnathon's birthday party. He'd had a bad year, he'd sunk all his money into a new idea trying to capitalize off the popularity of baby carrots. His product was called "baby carrots 'oops all dip'" and it was just ranch — everyone's favorite part of baby carrots according to him — and the ranch was just for drinking. You also did have to drink the tub of ranch in front of a licensed vendor to make sure you weren't using it for dip. This was not a dipping ranch. This was a sipping ranch. Anyway, everyone hated the ranch and he went out of business and got his Volkswagen bug repossessed and a couple of days later he saw it get smashed in a demolition derby on TV.

He needed a win so I was planning to pop out of his birthday cake and go "I forgive you," and let him know that I was finally over him throwing a cat turd into my mouth from the audience while I was giving a monologue in the big school play. But, I guess carrot cake was a trigger for him and he didn't want any so he told his three adult live-in sons to throw the cake away, but they were too lazy to drive to the dump. They just threw it in the pond in the backyard and I couldn't get out till the pond water dissolved the cake retaining walls of my chamber. This book was good.