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A review by bookph1le
Listen to Your Mother: What She Said Then, What We're Saying Now by Ann Imig
4.0
Some really affecting essays in here, all reflecting the diverse experience that is motherhood, yet there's some universality as well. More complete review to come.
Full review:
Listen to Your Mother is an interesting, diverse collection of essays ruminating on all things related to motherhood: a mother's influence on her children, the trials and tribulations of motherhood, and a good representation of family structures that don't necessarily include a mother. Some of the essays are humorous, some serious, and many of them made a strong impression on me.
A high point of this book, for me, is that the voices in it are diverse. Women from working class and more affluent backgrounds are represented, as are the voices of parents from various religious affiliations and parents in relationships with same-sex partners. The U.S. is a diverse country and its social fabric is changing, and I like that this book reflects that. I also like that many of the essays don't shy from portraying the more challenging, gritty aspects of parenthood as society still has a tendency to be a bit misleading when it comes to the realities of parenthood. This book challenges readers to look beyond the boundaries of the traditional nuclear family, and to gain some insight into same-sex couples, children who don't conform to gender norms, parents who must grapple with how to make sense of racism for their child, etc. At heart, parents want the same things for their children: for them to be healthy and happy, but the obstacles in parents' ways vary, and I liked that this book showed that.
One of my favorite essays was A Year by the Lake, in which author Jenny Fiore writes about the challenges of raising her daughter while her husband is deployed to Kuwait. It's an eye-opening read that exposes the fact that not only do our service men and women make sacrifices for their country, so do their spouses, partners, and families. Fiore has to deal with her own worries, fears, and sadness over what's happening with her husband and all the milestones he's missing while also coping with the stresses of raising a child on her own.
The Broken Bowl by Jennifer Ball is another high point, a reflection on the difficulties of single parenthood and raising children while struggling financially, but also in parsing out what's really important in life. The bowl helps Ball to see beyond her day-to-day struggles and realize that she has been creating important and lasting memories for their children. The challenges her family faces certainly shouldn't be minimized, but the takeaway from this piece is that it's easy for parents to get caught up in worrying about all the things they're doing wrong and miss the things they're doing right.
Alexandra Rosas explores similar themes in The Reach of a Small Moment by looking back on the small, quiet times she shared with her grandmother and how those times left a lasting impression on her. When you're in the thick of parenthood, trying to get dinner on the table and homework done while rushing to get ready to get your kids off to practice, it can be hard to recognize these small moments of grace.
Not a Princess by Vikki Reich is also fantastic, an unflinching look at the difficulty in letting go of ingrained social messages when your child begins to defy gender norms. I've read a lot about how traditional couples struggle with this, but it was interesting to read the perspective of a woman in a same-sex relationship. It drove home for me just how ingrained gender norms are in society, how much we internalize them and how huge the struggle can be when a child breaks the mold. Reich writes eloquently about the disconnect between wanting to support her child's mode of expressing herself while also wanting to protect her child from society's censure.
These are by no means the only well-done essays in the collection, but they all struck a particular chord with me. Sometimes parents get so caught up in maintaining an image or trying to do everything right that I think we forget that every other parent around us is struggling with many of the same issues. Parenthood seems to have become something of a competitive sport, and I like that this book reminded me that we parents have much common ground, regardless of where we come from.
Full review:
Listen to Your Mother is an interesting, diverse collection of essays ruminating on all things related to motherhood: a mother's influence on her children, the trials and tribulations of motherhood, and a good representation of family structures that don't necessarily include a mother. Some of the essays are humorous, some serious, and many of them made a strong impression on me.
A high point of this book, for me, is that the voices in it are diverse. Women from working class and more affluent backgrounds are represented, as are the voices of parents from various religious affiliations and parents in relationships with same-sex partners. The U.S. is a diverse country and its social fabric is changing, and I like that this book reflects that. I also like that many of the essays don't shy from portraying the more challenging, gritty aspects of parenthood as society still has a tendency to be a bit misleading when it comes to the realities of parenthood. This book challenges readers to look beyond the boundaries of the traditional nuclear family, and to gain some insight into same-sex couples, children who don't conform to gender norms, parents who must grapple with how to make sense of racism for their child, etc. At heart, parents want the same things for their children: for them to be healthy and happy, but the obstacles in parents' ways vary, and I liked that this book showed that.
One of my favorite essays was A Year by the Lake, in which author Jenny Fiore writes about the challenges of raising her daughter while her husband is deployed to Kuwait. It's an eye-opening read that exposes the fact that not only do our service men and women make sacrifices for their country, so do their spouses, partners, and families. Fiore has to deal with her own worries, fears, and sadness over what's happening with her husband and all the milestones he's missing while also coping with the stresses of raising a child on her own.
The Broken Bowl by Jennifer Ball is another high point, a reflection on the difficulties of single parenthood and raising children while struggling financially, but also in parsing out what's really important in life. The bowl helps Ball to see beyond her day-to-day struggles and realize that she has been creating important and lasting memories for their children. The challenges her family faces certainly shouldn't be minimized, but the takeaway from this piece is that it's easy for parents to get caught up in worrying about all the things they're doing wrong and miss the things they're doing right.
Alexandra Rosas explores similar themes in The Reach of a Small Moment by looking back on the small, quiet times she shared with her grandmother and how those times left a lasting impression on her. When you're in the thick of parenthood, trying to get dinner on the table and homework done while rushing to get ready to get your kids off to practice, it can be hard to recognize these small moments of grace.
Not a Princess by Vikki Reich is also fantastic, an unflinching look at the difficulty in letting go of ingrained social messages when your child begins to defy gender norms. I've read a lot about how traditional couples struggle with this, but it was interesting to read the perspective of a woman in a same-sex relationship. It drove home for me just how ingrained gender norms are in society, how much we internalize them and how huge the struggle can be when a child breaks the mold. Reich writes eloquently about the disconnect between wanting to support her child's mode of expressing herself while also wanting to protect her child from society's censure.
These are by no means the only well-done essays in the collection, but they all struck a particular chord with me. Sometimes parents get so caught up in maintaining an image or trying to do everything right that I think we forget that every other parent around us is struggling with many of the same issues. Parenthood seems to have become something of a competitive sport, and I like that this book reminded me that we parents have much common ground, regardless of where we come from.